Bent
by Snowie2
Summary: AU, PJo: Pacey disappeared on his way home from school at the age of eleven. Six years later he returns to Capeside carrying a past more terrifying than anyone can imagine. Just added Chapters 6 through Epilogue. Sequel now up on FFNET.
1. Prologue

Hello all. This is **Bent**. I hope you enjoy!

Snowie

**__**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I just like to borrow them occasionally and torture them a bit. Same disclaimer for all subsequent chapters.

Bent

****

Prologue:  
Gone in an Instant

Jan. 21, 1994

Ten-year-old Pacey Witter disappeared this afternoon while walking home from school. His friends last saw him when they parted ways at Oaks and Main. His father, Sheriff Witter, was informed of the young boy's disappearance about an hour after the boy was due home. Search parties have since swept the area, but have found nothing. Authorities are asking for volunteers for help in continuing the search...

Jan. 22, 1994

Police and searchers were hopeful that young Pacey Witter would soon be found, but the case took a bitter turn earlier today when the young boy's schoolbag was found in a ditch along his route home...

Jan. 23, 1994

What began as a missing person has recently been upgraded to a possible abduction by a stranger...

Jan. 24, 1994

The search for Pacey Witter was called to a halt late last night as the certainty grows that this was an abduction, most likely by a stranger...

Jan. 24, 1994

Hope of finding Pacey Witter unharmed is fading with each passing minute. The young boy, missing since January 21, is now believed to have been taken, rather then having simply wandered off. Police are bombarding radio and television with descriptions of the boy as his parents plead for his safe return...

Jan. 26, 1994

Reports have been trickling in which suggest that the Witters have received phone calls from the kidnappers. These phone calls are said to point to this being an act of revenge against Sheriff Witter. Revenge for what remains in question, as does what price young Pacey Witter will pay...

July 1, 1994

After nearly six months with no leads, the disappearance of Pacey Witter has been downgraded to inactive status. Experts now believe that it is unlikely that he'll ever be found. His parents vow to continue the search, but many people now fear that the young boy is already dead...


	2. Chapter One

****

Chapter One:  
*~*The Unforgiven*~*  


__

New blood joins this earth  
and quickly he's subdued  
through constant pain disgrace  
the young boy learns their rules  
  
with time the child draws in  
this whipping boy done wrong  
deprived of all his thoughts  
the young man struggles on and on he's known  
a vow unto his own  
that never from this day  
his will they'll take away  
  
what I've felt  
what I've known  
never shined through in what I've shown  
never be  
never see  
won't see what might have been  
  
what I've felt  
what I've known  
never shined through in what I've shown  
never free  
never me  
so I dub thee unforgiven  
  
they dedicate their lives  
to running all of his  
he tries to please them all  
this bitter man he is  
throughout his life the same  
he's battled constantly  
this fight he cannot win  
a tired man they see no longer cares  
the old man then prepares  
to die regretfully  
that old man here is me  
  
what I've felt  
what I've known  
never shined through in what I've shown  
never be  
never see  
won't see what might have been  
  
what I've felt  
what I've known  
never shined through in what I've shown  
never free  
never me  
so I dub thee unforgiven  
  
you labeled me  
I'll label you  
so I dub thee unforgiven

  
  
February 22, 1999  
Bangor Savings and Loan  
Small town in Maine  
  
Pacey looked around the room and grimaced. The inside of the bank was normal enough in appearance, but what was happening there was definitely out of the ordinary. None of the tellers were at their posts and none of the clients were complaining because they weren't being waited on. Instead, tellers and patrons alike were huddled along the walls, talking in hushed voices. Their eyes would occasionally stray to gaze fearfully at the men and women who were pacing in front of them, guns clutched in their tense hands. The people with the guns were militants, not bank robbers. Their purpose was not the money that they had tucked away in satchels...At least that's what they claimed. Their real purpose, as one of their members was oh so calmly informing the negotiator, was to protest the capitalistic government pigs.  
  
Pacey himself didn't hold to much stock in the whole idea. To be perfectly honest, he still didn't really understand what they were after when they made stands like this. Even after being with them for close to six years. What they did didn't make any sense to him at all. He just sat off to the side, praying that it would be over soon. He wasn't technically one of the hostages, but he wasn't one of the militants either. All he wanted, even after six years, was to go home.  
  
He sighed and then reached into his duffel. He pulled out a well-worn copy of Atlas Shrugged and settled in against the wall to read. Paul Andrews, the man to his left, took in the title and looked at the young boy with a puzzled expression on his face. "So, what's an anti-capitalistic militant doing reading Ayn Rand?"  
  
Pacey scoffed. "Like I'm with them out of choice. And don't talk so loud. Mama Sal wouldn't like to know just what it is I've been reading."  
  
Paul studied Pacey, amazed that the venom in his voice wasn't betrayed on his face. "She doesn't know what it's about?"  
  
Pacey scoffed again, not taking his eyes from the pages. "If she could read she probably would have pitched a fit, but since she doesn't...It's not like she really cares about any of that capitalist shit anyway. She'd just know what I'm saying by reading it. It's kind of a weak statement, but it's a statement nonetheless. But that doesn't mean that I want to get beat for it."  
  
"She hits..." Paul stopped at the glare he got from Pacey and changed his line of questioning. "None of them can read?"  
  
Pacey shrugged. "Beats me. I know she can't." It was a slight exaggeration, but he didn't care. It wasn't necessarily that she couldn't read. It was just that the strain of thinking that hard was too much for her. He glanced over at Paul. "You sound a little surprised. She fool you?"  
  
"It's just that some of the groups now..."   
  
Pacey nodded. "Yeah. Some of them are run by semi-well educated people with an actual idea of what they're talking about, but you guys lucked out. You got the illiterate hick."  
  
Paul was amazed to find himself tempted to laugh, despite the circumstances. He buried the urge and asked a question instead. "So why are you here? She your mother?"  
  
"No," Pacey said shortly, looking slightly ill at the idea. "No, she's definitely not my mother."  
  
"So..." He stopped at the butt of a gun grazed the side of his head. He put a hand to his temple and looked up at the older woman standing over him.   
  
"No talking to the boy," Mama Sal barked, glaring at the man. "You need to know something, you ask me...Better yet, don't talk. You want to live, you keep your trap shut." She turned to Pacey. "As for you, either bury your nose in that book, or stand guard."  
  
Pacey scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Like you'd give me a gun! You know damn well that the first person I'd shoot would be you!" Pacey barely flinched as the woman backhanded him across the face. He glared up at her his eyes filled with hatred and Paul glanced from one to the other, hoping that he wouldn't have to watch this kid get shot. "What?" Pacey asked as she continued to glare at him. "What? You gonna shoot me? Go ahead! I'd welcome death after the hell of living with you!"  
  
"Watch it sonny," Mama Sal said, glaring down at him.  
  
"What are you going to threaten me with this time?" Pacey asked glaring at her. Paul felt amazement growing in him. The feelings of hatred he had towards this woman were nothing compared to the look of pure loathing that graced Pacey's face as he glared at Mama Sal. "What? What else can you do to me? You've already..." Pacey came to a stop as the butt of the rifle came in contact with his head, knocking him cold.  
  
Mama Sal gazed at the ceiling for a moment. "Ah, blessed silence," she said softly, before turning and walking away. Paul watched her go before reaching over silently and making Pacey as comfortable as he could. He was relieved to see that the boy was already beginning to come around.  
  
"What did you do that for Mama?" One of the men asked, nodding in Pacey's direction.  
  
"He was talking to much. What are they saying now?"   
  
The man shrugged. "Bobby's still talking to them."  
  
"You all right," Paul whispered softly to Pacey, his eyes never leaving Mama Sal.  
  
"I'll be fine," Pacey said, groaning softly as he sat up. "No big deal."  
  
"Does she do that often?"  
  
Pacey shrugged. "Never could control my smart mouth. Runs in the family."  
  
"Why do you stay?" Paul asked. "There must be some way..."  
  
Pacey inclined his head in the direction of one of the men. "See that monster over there?" Paul glanced over at the man and found that his gaze was met by two shifty black eyes. He nodded. "That's Hank. Hank has orders to shoot me if I try to go anywhere in this place besides the bathroom. I'm not going anywhere."   
  
"My god!" Paul said.  
  
Mama glared at them but her concentration was broken as one of her men approached. "What did they say Bobby?"  
  
"Not much," Bobby said. "They're working on the money and the transportation out of here."  
  
"That's all?"  
  
"They also said that they're thinking over our statements about the government, but that there's not a whole lot that they can do to change the entire government of the United States in the matter of a few hours."  
  
"They said what!?" Mama asked, her beady eyes narrowed as she gazed around the room. "It seems to me that they're mocking us. I hate it when people mock us! Maybe it would be a good idea to set an example of what happens when people cross me," Mama said, her eyes coming to rest on Paul.  
  
*~*Outside*~*  
  
An older man and a young woman got out of a dark, nondescript car. They looked around them, taking in the activity that was taking place in front of the bank. They spotted the Sheriff off to the side and approached him.  
  
"Sheriff Andrews?" The man said.  
  
"Yes?" The sheriff said, his gaze never leaving the building in front of him.  
  
"I'm Special Agent Thomas and this is Special Agent Jones, FBI. We're up from Bangor..."  
  
"You claiming jurisdiction?" The sheriff interrupted, finally looking at them. He was an older man, with a weather-beaten face. "'Cause if you are, you can't have it. Not while my boy is in there."  
  
"All the more reason that we should take over," Agent Jones said softly. "Besides that, it's a bank and that's under federal jurisdiction."  
  
"You're not shutting me out of this!" Sheriff Andrew exclaimed. He watched as federal agents began arriving in mass. "I won't allow it!"  
  
"No, we're not," Agent Thomas said, looking meaningfully at Agent Jones. "Our orders are to assist in any way that we can. You're still in charge for the time being, but if this goes on much longer, we're supposed to take over. That all right with you?"  
  
Sheriff Andrews sighed knowing that it was more then he could logically have expected. "That's fine." He looked around, his eyes coming to rest on a deputy. "Rob?"  
  
"Yeah Sheriff?"   
  
"Bring these two up to speed will ya?"  
  
"Sure Sheriff," Rob said as the sheriff turned his attention back to the bank. "What do you two need to know?"  
  
The Feds looked at each other and sighed. "Just tell us everything you know."  
  
*~*Inside*~*  
  
"Maybe it would be a good idea to set an example of what happens when people cross me," Mama said, Her eyes coming to rest on Paul.  
  
"What do you want me to do Mama?"  
  
"Shoot him," Mama said.  
  
"I think you're in trouble," Pacey said softly, as Bobby and Mama Sal approached them.  
  
"Get to your feet," Mama ordered, pointing her gun at Paul. "You're gonna to be our example."  
  
Paul got slowly to his feet. Pacey looked at Mama Sal and back to Paul before jumping to his feet. "I'm not going to let you do this Mama!" He said.  
  
"What do you care?" Mama Sal asked, narrowing her eyes.   
  
"I care because you're doing this because I talked to him and I'm not about to let another person die thanks to me!"  
  
"Sit down!"  
  
"I won't!" Pacey said.  
  
"I can shoot him just as easily with the kid standing," Bobby said raising his gun.  
  
Mama Sal looked into Pacey's eyes and knew in an instant what he was going to do. "Bobby don't!" It was too late. The man had fired just as Pacey threw himself in front of Paul. They tumbled to the floor in a heap.  
  
"You idiot!" Mama Sal screeched, cuffing the man upside the head.  
  
"Ouch!" Bobby exclaimed. "It was an accident! He jumped in front of the guy!"  
  
"Go make sure you didn't kill him."  
  
Bobby approached Pacey and Paul cautiously, Mama not far behind. Meanwhile, Paul had rolled Pacey off of him and was examining the wound on his shoulder. "Get out of the way!" Mama exclaimed, knocking her gun into Paul's shoulder.  
  
"I'm a doctor." Paul said. "I think that I can do him a hell of a lot more good than you can! Now please..." He stopped as he saw Pacey shake his head. He looked into the boys pleading eyes and moved slowly away, not knowing what the boy was going to do, but needing to let him try. Owing it to him to let him try.   
  
Mama and Bobby crouched beside Pacey, their guns hanging loosely by their sides. Pacey looked from one to the other and then in a sudden move flailed his injured arm in Bobby's direction, sending his gun clattering across the floor. As Mama's eyes followed the gun, Pacey other hand darted forward and grabbed the gun from her hand, taking her by surprise.   
  
"Surprise," Pacey said, as her shocked gaze returned to him. "Doc!" He called. Paul hurried forward. "Help me out here!" he said, his eyes never leaving Mama's face, the gun pointed directly at her head. Paul helped Pacey to his feet, his eyes full of amazement. Once he was standing, Pacey waved the gun at her, indicating that she should stand. She did this slowly, glancing around the room. The other gunmen were watching them carefully as the cautiously moved forward. "Stay right where you are!" Pacey exclaimed. "Don't make me shoot her 'cause god knows I will!"  
  
"I know something you don't," Mama said softly.  
  
"Which is?" Pacey asked.  
  
"The safety's on."  
  
"Nice try," Pacey said, his eyes never straying to the gun. "But did you honestly think that would fool me? Not only have I spent the better part of six years around your sorry excuse for a militia group, my dad's a sheriff. He taught me how to use a gun when I was seven. The day he caught me with his. He decided that if I was going to be around guns, I should know everything about them. How to take care of them. How to respect them and how to use them. Now please tell those rejects over there to drop their guns...Unless of course they want to see your brains splattered all over this bank. Personally, I'd have no problem killing you and you know damn well why!"  
  
"You heard him boys," Mama said, giving in. "Drop the guns." The men looked at each other and then slowly dropped their guns to the floor.  
  
"Move to the side," Pacey said. "Away from the doors and the people." The men looked at each other again and then moved away from the weapons and door, gathering in a huddle against the wall. "If any of you know how to use guns, please pick them up and cover those guys," Pacey said, his body starting to shake from the effort of standing upright. None of them moved. "Doc?" He questioned.  
  
Paul turned to the other people. "Reggie," he said to a young man of about nineteen. "Come over here and help this young man keep on his feet." Reggie nodded and jumped to his feet, replacing Paul in holding Pacey up. Paul went forward and grabbed one of the guns which he pointed at the men. "Nancy," he said. "Go out and get the police in here."  
  
"On my way," the teller said, getting to her feet and hurrying out the door.   
  
Pacey laughed slightly and looked at Paul. "You know how to use that thing, Doc?" He questioned softly.  
  
"You're not the only one whose dad is a sheriff," Paul said with a wink. Pacey laughed again, swaying slightly as the sheriff, his men and the FBI swarmed into the bank.  
  
"Thank god you're all right!" Sheriff Andrews said, clapping his son on the shoulder. He looked around, his gaze coming to rest on Pacey who was being helped to a chair by one of the deputies as another one slapped some cuffs on Mama Sal. "Who's that?"  
  
"That's the reason I'm all right," Paul said, handing his gun to one of the police officers. He hurried over to Pacey, his father on his heels. He crouched before Pacey. "How you doin' kid?"  
  
"You're the doctor," Pacey said wryly.  
  
Paul laughed. "Name's Paul. And you are?"  
  
"Pacey..." Pacey said weakly, his voice trailing off. "My name's Pacey."  
  
"Hang in there Pacey," Paul said as Paramedics hurried over to them. "I'll take care of everything."  
  
Pacey nodded slightly before letting the darkness overtake him. Paul looked down at him for a minute, watching as they loaded him onto the stretcher and wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance. He then turned to his father. "I need you to do something for me." Sheriff Andrews nodded, looking at his son questioningly. "I'll tell you everything on the way to the hospital," Paul said. "Promise." Sheriff Andrews nodded and father and son left the bank together, leaving the case to the Feds.


	3. Chapter Two

Hello Everyone! Thank you so much for your replies! I really appreciate them. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to post this, but I just moved and it took me a while to get my computer set up! I hope that you like this chapter!

Snowie

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm just borrowing!

Chapter Two:  
*~*Spreading the News*~*  
  
"What's going on Paul?" Sheriff Andrews asked as they followed the ambulance out of the bank parking lot.  
  
Paul sighed. "I'm not really sure," he said. "Well, I'm sure about a few things. I'm sure that kid took a bullet for me. I'm sure that he hates that woman...Mama Sal he called her, more then words could possibly describe."  
  
"Wait, he was _with_ them!?"  
  
"Yes," Paul said. "With them, but not by choice. Six years he said. I can't imagine what kind of nightmare it was… God, just today he was slapped, knocked cold by a rifle butt and shot. I can't imagine what he endured during six years with that woman!"  
  
"Paul..." The sheriff said, having a hard time coming up with just what Paul was trying to tell him.  
  
Paul sighed. "I know, I'm jumping, I'm rambling and I'm not helping. What I was able to gather was that he'd been with them for six years. He hates them. There was a man who had orders to shoot him if he tried to leave. I wouldn't be surprised if he was kept in a locked room wherever 'home' is."  
  
"You think he was kidnapped," Sheriff Andrews stated.  
  
Paul nodded. "I do. He said something else, Dad. His father's a sheriff."  
  
"What!?" Sheriff Andrews, that fact throwing his mind into a whirl. "Wait, what did he say his name was?"  
  
"Pacey," Paul said looking at he father with a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"Pacey," Sheriff Andrews said softly. "Pacey." There had been so many missing person's over the years, but there had been one that had especially struck a cord with him. The plea that had been faxed to every police station in New England. The plea for the safe return of a son by a father who blamed himself for his child disappearance. A Sheriff in Massachusetts. But what was the kid's name? "What was his name!?" Sheriff Andrews muttered.  
  
"Dad?" Paul questioned.  
  
Sheriff Andrews shook his head. "I'll make some calls when we get to the hospital." Paul nodded.  
  
They pulled into the hospital parking lot and Paul jumped out of the car and hurried into the building. His father sat in the car and reached for his radio.  
  
"Jimmy? This is Sheriff Andrews."  
  
"Yeah Boss?"  
  
"Do me a favor and look through the old missing person's folder. The one that we put all those faxes in. See if you can find the one that was sent out by a Sheriff in Massachusetts about his son."  
  
"Will do," Jimmy said. "What should I do when I find it?"  
  
"Send it down to the hospital. I'll be in the ER waiting room."  
  
"Paul okay?" Jimmy asked, concerned.  
  
"He's fine, but we have a kid with a bullet in him. He saved Paul's life."  
  
"I'll get right on it."  
  
"Thanks Jimmy."  
  
"No problem."  
  
*~*INSIDE*~*  
  
Sheriff Andrews was by his son's side in the waiting room when one of his deputies entered and looked around for him. "I'll be right back son."  
  
Paul nodded, his eyes following his father as he approached the deputy and began to speak to him.  
  
"What have you got for me Joe?"  
  
"A Sheriff's son by the name of Pacey Witter was taken from his hometown of Capeside Massachusetts on January 21st 1994. He was eleven years old."  
  
"Well, I'll be damned!" The Sheriff exclaimed. "Any identifying marks?"  
  
"A birthmark on his shoulder...and his father had him fingerprinted when he was five. A safety precaution."  
  
"That's it! You bring a kit?" The deputy nodded and handed the sheriff what he would need in order to get fingerprints. "Give me a few minutes and I'll have some prints for you to check. If they're a match let me know immediately."  
  
He walked back over to Paul. "What's up Dad?" Paul asked.  
  
"We have a possible match."  
  
"Already?" Paul asked in amazement.  
  
"Paul, every police officer on the east coast looked for this boy. It hit a chord with us. I mean, it could have been you. I know that I've made plenty of very bad people angry in my lifetime..."  
  
"Dad..."  
  
"I couldn't remember the name, so I had Jimmy check out the files. There are prints on file so we can be sure, but if we're right, then his name is Pacey Witter, seventeen years old, taken from Capeside Massachusetts on January 21, 1994 at the age of eleven."  
  
"You need to get his prints?"   
  
"I think that it would be the best way to be certain."  
  
"Then now would be the best time to do it. He just got out of surgery. He won't be waking up for a while."  
  
"Come with me. I'll do it now."  
  
Paul nodded and the two headed towards Pacey's room.  
  
*~*A Few Hours Later*~*  
  
Pacey woke slowly, blinking as the hospital lights assaulted his eyes. He tested his body bit by bit and discovered that while he had pain here and there, the worst by far was in his shoulder. Also, there was something strange on his hands. He looked down at his fingers, his eyebrows drawing together in puzzlement at the ink on his fingers.  
  
"We're trying to verify who you are," Paul said.  
  
Pacey looked up in surprise. He hadn't realized that anyone was there. "And who do you think I am?"  
  
"Pacey Witter," Pacey closed his eyes at the shock of hearing his full name for the first time in six years. "What?" Paul said, noticing his reaction.  
  
"I just haven't been called that in so long..." Pacey said softly. "When they first took me, I used to sit in my room and just scream it. _Pacey Witter_! My _name_ is _Pacey Witter_!"  
  
"Hoping that someone would hear you?"  
  
Pacey shook his head. "There was no one _to_ hear...I just didn't want to forget. They tried so hard to make me forget. So hard, but I wouldn't let them. After a while I stopped screaming. It only made things worse. But I didn't forget. I would never let myself forget."  
  
They looked up as Sheriff Andrews knocked on the door and stuck his head in. "I'll be right back Pacey," Paul said going to the door to talk to his father. Pacey watched as they went into the hall and sighed, closing his eyes. It was finally beginning to hit him. He was actually free. He was sure that he would soon be going home...and he had never been so scared in his life.  
  
"It's a match?" Paul questioned.  
  
Sheriff Andrews nodded. "I'm going to call his father soon, I just wanted to let you know first. You going to be here for a while?"  
  
Paul nodded. "I'm worried about him. The kid we're seeing right now...I don't think that this is the only facet of his personality."  
  
The sheriff nodded. "I don't imagine that it is. He hasn't shown any sign of anger yet and that's bound to come."  
  
"Let me know what happens with his father, okay?"  
  
Sheriff Andrews nodded. "I'll see you soon."  
  
"Bye dad."  
  
Sheriff Andrews watched as his son reentered Pacey's hospital room and then went to find a payphone.  
  
*~*Capeside*~*  
  
"Doug?" Sheriff Witter said, approaching his son's desk.  
  
"Yeah Dad?" Doug said, looking up from his paperwork.  
  
"Have you seen that file on Cooper?"  
  
Doug sifted through the files on his desk and finding the right one, handed it to his father. "Here you go. James Cooper."  
  
"Thanks." Sheriff Witter took the file and returned to his office, shutting the door behind him. He sat down at his desk and rubbed his eyes tiredly. It had been a long day. The phone rang and he reached for it with a sigh. There had been no peace all day.  
  
"Sheriff Witter here," he said rather gruffly.  
  
"Hello," The man on the other end of the line said. "This is Sheriff Derek Andrews, Penobscot County, Maine." Derek took a deep breath. "I have some news for you."  
  
"Yes?" Sheriff Witter said.  
  
Derek took another deep breath, and began telling Sheriff Witter everything that he knew about the boy he had only just met, knowing that the man on the other end would need as much proof as possible. "We arrested a group of anti-capitalistic Militants today. With them was a boy. Seventeen years old. Brown hair, blue eyes," Sheriff Witter began to sit up straighter in his seat as the man continued his description. "Said his name was Pacey." Sheriff Witter felt his heart stop but he needed more than that. He couldn't hope unless... "I remembered your fax, so I decided to check it out. I took his prints and compared them to your son's... Sheriff, they're a match."  
  
"It's him? You're sure?" Mr. Witter's voice sounded breathless to his own ears. He couldn't believe that this was actually happening.   
  
"I had someone fax you the match. It should be there now."   
  
"Just a minute," Sheriff Witter said. He dropped the phone and ran over to the fax machine, picking up the paper that had come through minutes before. It was a match. His son was really alive.  
  
"Dad?" Doug questioned, startled at his father's frantic behavior. Sheriff Witter ignored him and hurried back into his office.  
  
He picked up the phone and spoke into it desperately. "Where is he? Is he all right?"  
  
"He's at Eastern Maine Medical Center."  
  
"What!?"  
  
"He's going to be fine," Derek assured him immediately.  
  
"Where exactly are you?"   
  
"Bangor, Maine."  
  
"Bangor Maine. Eastern Maine Medical Center?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can."  
  
"Then I'll see you at the hospital. Ask for Derek Andrews at the desk."  
  
"Will do."  
  
"Goodbye Sheriff Witter."  
  
"Goodbye, and thank you."  
  
"Your welcome," Derek said softly before hanging up the phone.  
  
Sheriff Witter hurried to his office door. "Dougie!" He called, waving his son over. "Get in here."  
  
Doug looked at his father in surprise and hurried into the office. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Sit!" Sheriff Witter said, shutting the door behind them. Doug sat and Sheriff Witter sat across from him. "Doug, I need you to do some stuff for me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I need you to stay here tonight. I know you have the night off..."  
  
"Tamara and I were planning on dinner," Doug said, looking at his father with puzzlement.  
  
"She'll understand," Sheriff Witter said. "I just got a call from a Sheriff in Maine. He sent me these." He handed Doug the fax.   
  
Doug looked at it, his eyes opening wide. "But this..." He looked at his father, amazement shining on his face. "Dad..."  
  
"He's alive Dougie. Your brother's alive and I have to go, so you see..."  
  
Doug shook his head. "No problem Dad. What do you need me to do?"  
  
"Call Logan. Get the earliest possible flight to Bangor for your mother and me. Call the girls. And I want you here in case I need to get in touch with you. I'm going to try and get him transferred to Capeside Memorial..." Doug's head snapped up. "The Sheriff said he was going to be fine. I don't know what happened."  
  
"Who was it?"  
  
"I don't know," Sheriff Witter said softly. "I didn't ask. There will be time for that when we get there."  
  
Doug nodded. "I'll call the airport now," he said. "Tell him..." He stopped shaking his head. "Never mind. I'll tell him myself."  
  
Sheriff Witter nodded and got to his feet, grabbing his jacket. "I'm headed home to tell your mother. I'll call you from there."  
  
Doug nodded and watched his father leave, unable to believe that any of this was happening. He picked up his father's phone and dialed information. "Hello. I need the number for Logan International Airport. Thank you." Doug shut his eyes for a moment as he was connected to the airport. His brother was alive. It was hard to comprehend.  
  
"I wonder what your life's been like, little brother," he whispered softly, feeling a sudden pain in his chest over what might have been. The time they all should have had together. "We'll make it up to you Pace. Somehow, we'll make everything okay again." 


	4. Chapter Three

Hello all!

I want to thank everyone who's replied to the story and those of you that haven't, but are reading. I'm so glad that you like the story! When things calm down for me a little, I swear that I will put up a special post to reply to you all in turn! Thanks again!

Snowie

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm just borrowing!

****

Chapter Three:  
***~*The Raging Storm*~***  
*~*EASTERN MAINE MEDICAL CENTER*~*  
  
Paul eased out of Pacey's hospital room and looked around the hall for his father. He spotted him down the hall talking to a patrolman. He hurried towards him. "Did you get a hold of them?" He asked as he reached his father.  
  
"They're on their way," Derek said. "How's Pacey?"  
  
"He's sleeping," Paul said.  
  
"You learn anything more?"  
  
"He didn't say much," Paul said. "Just..." He stopped as a scream ripped through the hall.  
  
"NOOOO!!" Paul was moving almost immediately, his father on his heels. They entered Pacey's room on the coat tails of a doctor, a nurse right behind them. "Get away from me!" Pacey screamed. His frenzied eyes caught sight of the Doctor and Paul and Derek. "Get him away from me!" He cried, pointing at an orderly who was standing at the foot of his bed.  
  
"Pacey, calm down," Paul said, his voice soothing.   
  
"GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"  
  
"Pacey, I need you to relax," the doctor said his voice soothing. "He's just an orderly. He's not going to hurt you."  
  
"He's one of her's!" Pacey cried.  
  
The doctor turned to the nurse. "A sedative." The nurse nodded and hurriedly drew a syringe for the doctor and handed it to him.  
  
"What are you doing?" Pacey asked. "What...what are you doing!?"  
  
"It's just to help you relax," the doctor said.   
  
"I don't want it!" The doctor stepped forward to administer it to the IV. "NO!" Pacey screamed, flailing his good arm to the side, knocking the doctor off balance.   
  
"Pacey," Paul said, hurrying forward.  
  
"No!" Pacey cried. Paul gripped him by the shoulders and held him down, nodding at the doctor who quickly administered the drug.  
  
"It'll be okay," Paul said. "I won't let anything happen to you."   
  
Pacey struggled against his hold, but slowed as the drug kicked in. "You can't trust anyone," he said softly. "They're everywhere."  
  
"Everything is fine, Pacey. I promise," Paul said.  
  
Pacey looked up, his gaze meeting Paul's forcefully. "I'm NOT crazy."  
  
"I don't think you are," Paul said. He looked up as the movement of the orderly towards the door caught his attention. He nodded to his father, who stepped up to the man, stopping his movement. "We'll figure it out."  
  
"They're everywhere," Pacey whispered as his eyes fluttered shut. "Everywhere."  
  
*~*CAPESIDE POLICE STATION*~*  
  
"So, you want to explain why you ditched me?" Tamara Jacobs asked, standing in front of Doug's desk.  
  
Doug looked up as the slightly amused voice of his girlfriend reached his ears. He could tell from her tone that she was amused for now. If he didn't have a damn good excuse that amusement would soon change to annoyance. He put the phone down and got to his feet, giving her a tight hug.  
  
"I have a very good reason actually," Doug said softly. He stepped back and took a deep breath. Tamara could suddenly tell that whatever this was, it was major. "It's going to have repercussions for you too. For everyone at the high school." For it had suddenly hit Doug that the little boy that he remembered from six years ago was now almost a man. All of his friends were now in high school. If Pacey had grown up in Capeside like he should have, he would have had Tamara for English sophomore year.  
  
"What's going on Doug?" Tamara asked.  
  
"You remember how I told you about Pacey?" Doug said, his voice almost frenzied.  
  
"Your younger brother who disappeared?" Tamara asked, puzzled.  
  
Doug nodded. "We thought he was dead. We had no hope left...But they found him...."  
  
"What!?"  
  
"In Maine. I don't know what happened, how they found him. I only know that he's there and that my parents went to get him. I've been calling everyone in my family. His friends." He looked around, frazzled. "I keep feeling that there's something more that I should be doing."  
  
"How about sitting down and relaxing for a minute and telling me what's bothering you."  
  
Doug deflated and collapsed into his chair. "I'm scared to death," he said softly. Tamara sat next to him and placed her hand in his. "I'm scared of what happened to Pacey while he was gone. What he's going to be like. I'm scared that they scarred him, body and spirit. I'm...I'm scared that he'll come back and that the little boy who disappeared six years ago will be gone. That we'll never really get him back." Tamara rested her head comfortingly on Doug's shoulder, wishing that there was something that she could say to help him, to reassure him. But there was nothing that she could say with enough certainty to be convincing. She knew, as he did, that the boy who came back would not be the one who left. It was only a question of how much he had changed....and in what way.  
  
*~*EASTERN MAINE MEDICAL CENTER*~*  
  
"Pacey was right," Derek said, approaching Paul. "We think he's one of her's."  
  
"He talk?"  
  
"No," Derek said, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "But he's not in any of the employment records."  
  
Paul shook his head. "When are Pacey's parents getting here?"  
  
"I think they were flying in. The storm probably delayed them, but they should be here soon."  
  
Paul looked over at the door to Pacey's room which was now guarded by a policeman. "I wonder how they're going to react to this?"  
  
"With a lot of tears, a lot of guilt and a lot of anger."  
  
"Sheriff Andrews?" Someone questioned.  
  
"Yes?" Derek said turning. It was the federal agents that had spoken to him at the bank. "Oh, it's you," he said. "What?"  
  
"I understand that the boy is here," Special Agent Thomas said. "We need to speak to him."  
  
"He was just sedated," Paul said. "One of Sally's men got in to see him."  
  
"Is he all right?" Agent Jones asked, concerned.  
  
"He'll be fine," Paul said.  
  
"We need to talk to you too," Agent Thomas said. "You were there, correct? And you had a conversation with the boy?" Paul nodded. "What can you tell us about him?"  
  
"His name is Pacey Witter. He's seventeen years old. Six years ago he was kidnapped from Capeside Massachusetts. His father, Sheriff John Witter, and his mother, Beth Witter are on their way here as we speak."  
  
"Sheriff Andrews!" A man exclaimed, hurrying over to them, his wife at his heels. "I'm John Witter. My son..."  
  
"Mr. Witter," Sheriff Andrews said. "He's in that room right over there. We'll let you peek in and then we need to talk to you..."  
  
"But..." Beth started.  
  
"He's sedated right now, Mrs. Witter," Paul said. "We'll explain...."  
  
"Aren't you going to check their ID?" Agent Thomas asked. "You can't be sure..."  
  
"Who are you?" John Witter asked. "Why would they need to check ID?"  
  
"I'm Special Agent Thomas with the FBI," He said, showing his badge. "And they need to check ID because the boy's still in danger."  
  
Agent Jones glared at her partner for a moment. He was so insensitive sometimes, just blurting things out. "We're just being cautious," she said softly to the Witter's. "We want to be sure that nothing more happens to Pacey."  
  
"Here," John Witter said, thrusting his ID into Agent Thomas' hands. He then turned to Paul. "My son?"  
  
"This way, Mr. Witter," Paul said, leading the way to Pacey's hospital room.  
  
*~*CAPESIDE: DAWSON'S ROOM*~*  
  
"Whatever Dawson," Joey said rolling her eyes. "We all know that television shows are of far better quality than movies any day..."  
  
"What!?" Dawson squawked. "You've got to be..."  
  
"Kidding!" Joey said, rolling her eyes again. "You've known me how long, Dawson?"  
  
"Long enough that he should know when you're joking!" Jack said with a laugh. "What's up Dawson? Out of your league?"  
  
"Hey, we all know that Joey can run circles around poor Dawson here. He doesn't stand a chance."  
  
"Thank you so much Jen," Dawson said, glaring at her. Jen shrugged.  
  
"Don't worry Dawson," Andie said, taking her boyfriend's hand. "I still love you."  
  
"Thank you," Dawson said, kissing her lightly on the lips.  
  
"Ugh, PDA," Joey said with a groan, but she smiled. She and Dawson had had a very shortlived romance, but had soon discovered that they were much better friends then lovers. Kissing him had been kind of like kissing a brother, and that was not a very comfortable thing. Joey was happy that Dawson had found Andie. They were perfect for each other, though she sometimes wondered how two such neurotic people could survive in the world together.  
  
Joey shook her head and got to her feet. "You guys hungry?" She asked.  
  
"Naw," The others said, shaking their heads.  
  
"Well, I'm going to go get a snack. Don't start the movie without me, 'kay?"  
  
"No problem," Jack said. Joey left and Andie turned to Dawson.  
  
"Dawson, Dad wants to know if you'll come over for dinner tomorrow night," Andie said, looking at him expectantly. "Can you make it?"   
  
Dawson was about to answer when the phone rang. He held up a finger as he answered. "Hello?" Dawson looked surprised as the person on the other end of the line announced themselves. "Doug? What...? You're kidding! Where was....? Who... She's here. Yeah...Yeah, I'll tell her..." He paused for a while as Doug spoke. "Let me know when he gets here," he said, his voice filled with stunned disbelief...and happiness. "We'll see you soon, Doug." He dropped the receiver back into it's cradle and stared at the wall for a moment.  
  
Andie's eyebrows drew together in puzzlement when she noticed the dazed look on Dawson's face. "Dawson?" She questioned softly. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Oh my god," Dawson said, turning his face towards her, but not really seeing her. "Where'd Joey go?"  
  
"Downstairs..." Andie said. Dawson jumped to his feet and ran to the door. "Dawson?"  
  
"Joey!" Dawson called. "Jo!?"  
  
"What's going on?" Jack asked, looking confused.  
  
Andie turned and looked at Jen who just shrugged. "I have no idea."  
  
"Who's Doug?" Jack asked.  
  
"Don't know that either."  
  
"That I can help you with. Deputy Doug Witter most likely," Jen said. "But why he'd be calling here..." She shrugged again.  
  
"JOEY!?" Dawson called again from the hall.  
  
"Hold your horses!" Joey exclaimed, bounding up the stairs. "What's your problem, Dawson?"  
  
"They found him, Jo," Dawson said, joy beginning to creep over his face.  
  
"What?" Joey asked confused. "Who?"  
  
"They found Pacey, Joey! He's coming home."  
  
The plate that Joey was carrying clattered to the ground. She reached out and grabbed Dawson by his upper arms. "Are you serious?" She asked, shaking him slightly, her eyes wide.   
  
Dawson nodded. "Swear on Captain Jones' bones," he said, holding up his right hand and calling on their old childhood pact.  
  
"Oh my god!" Joey exclaimed. "Oh my god! How do you know?" She asked, shaking him again.  
  
"Doug just called," Dawson said. "His parents just got the news. They're on their way to pick him up now."  
  
"Did he say where he was? What had happened?"  
  
"No," Dawson said. "I think Doug was still in a daze. He just said that his parents had gone to get him and he thought that we should know. He said that he'd give us a call when they get him home. But he's alive Joey! He's really alive!"  
  
Joey let out a whoop and threw her arms around Dawson. "I don't believe this!" They did a little dance in the hall, as their friends watched in confusion.  
  
"Um guys?" Jen said from the doorway where she was standing with Andie and Jack. "Sorry to interrupt and all, but who's Pacey?"  
  
Joey and Dawson looked at each other, some of their excitement leaving them as they begin to think of the reality of the situation. They reentered Dawson's room and sat down on the bed. "Pacey Witter was our best friend," Joey said softly. "From the time that we were three until..." She stopped, the horror of those days returning. People talking in hushed voices. The lights moving through the woods at night as people searched. The discussion about dragging the creek...   
  
Dawson understood her silence immediately and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "He disappeared when we were, what, ten years old?" Dawson said. Joey nodded. "They looked everywhere, eventually deciding that he must have been taken by someone. They think it was an act of revenge against Sheriff Witter." Dawson looked down at his feet.   
  
"I don't think Sheriff Witter ever stopped looking for Pacey," Joey said softly. "Even if the official investigation was called off."  
  
"How could he?" Dawson said. "Heck half the time when I walk down the street in another town, I look at each face..."  
  
Joey nodded. "I know."   
  
"Where do you think he was?" Jack asked softly. "Do they know who had him?"  
  
Dawson shook his head. "I don't know. Doug didn't say much. I...I still can't believe..." Joey sat silently, a thoughtful, almost fearful look on her face. Dawson noticed almost immediately. "What's wrong Jo?"  
  
"I was just thinking," Joey began softly. "You know, six years...that's a long time...I'm just scared for him is all." She looked up, her gaze meeting Dawson's. "It's just...the kind of people who would steal a child for revenge...what...what do you think they did to him...after they took him?"  
  
Dawson felt the initial joy he had felt at the return of his best friend fade as fear began to replace it. "Oh god, Jo, I don't know..." And deep down he wondered if he truly wanted to know.  
  
*~*EASTERN MAINE MEDICAL CENTER*~*  
  
A storm raged outside, but it wasn't as violent as the one that raged within the hospital's walls. Deep within a young man's brain. Deep within his soul.  
  
Pacey tossed and turned on his hospital bed as horrifying visions flashed before his eyes. The sounds he made would have been painful to hear, if anyone had been there to listen. But for the moment he was alone, the nightmares his only companions. He gasped suddenly and sat up straight in bed, sweat pouring off of him. He looked around frantically, unsure where he was. If they found out he was gone... If they found him...His breath caught in his throat as the door to his room began to open. He shrank back, his eyes searching desperately for an escape route. A way out. There was nothing.  
  
"No!" He whispered softly, fear racing through him. "Please no!"  
  
"Pacey?" Beth Witter questioned softly as she entered the room. She felt a sharp pain shoot through her heart at the fear she saw written so clearly on her son's face. She didn't know yet exactly what those people had done to her son, but she knew already that if she were allowed even a minute alone with them she could easily kill them. "Pacey," she said again, even more gently, tears filling her eyes.  
  
"Mom?" Pacey questioned uncertainly, as if unable to believe that it was actually her standing in front of him. As if he had dreamed this moment many times, only to have the horror of reality crash down upon him again and again.  
  
Beth Witter moved slowly to the bed, careful to keep her movements small so as not to frighten him. She took his hand gently, careful not to react to the way that he flinched away from her touch. She looked down at his hand first, her eyes then moving up his arm. She flinched inwardly at the bruises and scratches, some bright and new, other's old and faded, that covered them. The burns. The scars. She bit her lip. What had those monsters done to him? What had they done to her baby? "It's okay Pacey," she said, careful to keep the anger out of her voice. Filling her words instead with the love that filled her heart at the sight of him. "You're safe now."  
  
'Safe?' Pacey's mind questioned. He was barely able to keep from scoffing at her...but fear of her reaction to that was enough to keep him quiet. Who was she kidding anyway? He hadn't felt safe in six years. Not since the day that they had taken him and thrown him into the deepest recesses of hell.  
  
Pacey pulled his hand from his mother's and shrank farther against the wall as the door to his room opened once more. John Witter walked into the room, stopping dead in his tracks at the fear on Pacey's face. He wished again that the FBI had granted his request for a few moments alone in that interrogation room... At least they were going to let them take him home almost immediately, insisting only that they were allowed access to him in Capeside. Paul had suggested leaving him in the hospital in Capeside for a while to allow him to get used to the idea of being home. He had also suggested a psychologist. One look at the fear on Pacey's face was enough to convince Mr. Witter that one was needed. What had those monsters done to his son?  
  
Mr. Witter's mouth tightened slightly at the thought of those people. The ones that had done this to his son. Pacey saw the change in his expression immediately and became even more on guard. Mr. Witter noticed this and grimaced slightly, a lump forming in his throat. He cleared his throat slightly before speaking as gently as he could. "How are you Pacey?" Pacey studied his father as if the question was a matter of life and death and Mr. Witter swallowed hard. "You can say whatever you want to Pace. No...no one here is going to hurt you."  
  
Pacey laughed shortly before biting his lip slightly, tears coming to his eyes. These were his parents...His parents! And he had no idea how to act around them. No idea what to say. What to do. He licked his lips slightly and then looked uncertainly from his father to his mother and back again. "I'm..." He started, his voice hoarse from disuse. "I'm...not so good." He looked down at his hands, too afraid to look up. Afraid of what he might see in their faces...Of what he might not see.  
  
Tears filled the eyes of both of his parents at the sound of his voice. It was the first time that they had heard his voice in six years. Nothing prepared them for the sound of it, so lost and frightened. So beaten...   
  
"That's okay," John Witter said softly, moving to his wife's side as she took Pacey's hand in hers once again. He put his arm around him wife and rested his other hand on top of the hand which held Pacey's so tightly. Pacey looked up at them, his face unsure, yet hopeful. "We...we're going to help you through this Pacey. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to worry. Your mother and I. We're going to take care of you. They'll never get near you again."  
  
Pacey looked at them, wanting to believe him. Wanting to trust the love that he saw in their eyes. But he couldn't. His ability to believe in anything had disappeared a long time ago. And he knew the words for the lie they were, because there was nothing that his parents could do to keep them away. Not when he carried them with him always, deep within his tortured soul.  
  
His parents watched Pacey sadly as the mistrust and doubt swept across his face. They wished that there was something that they could do to make him believe. To help him to trust them. But they could think of nothing and the storm still raged, deep within Pacey's soul.


	5. Chapter Four

I know it's been forever since I posted a chapter here! Sorry about that! Due to the lack of chapters over the past who knows how long, I'm gonna post two today…

Thanks for the replies all! Sorry to not reply to all individually, I promise I will soon!

Anyway, here's chapter four, five to follow!

Snowie

* * *

Chapter Four:  
Reunions

THE NEXT DAY  
Capeside Memorial

"Thanks for coming down," John Witter said. "Pacey seems to really trust you..."

"He trusts you too," Paul said. "But he also knows that you expect something from him. You can't help it."

Mr. Witter nodded. "I understand that. I just wish..." He stopped himself. "I guess that's part of the problem, huh?"

Paul looked at him sympathetically. "I don't know. Pacey really needs to see a psychiatrist. I wish I could help more, but all I can really do is look at this from an outsiders perspective. More than that..."

Mr. Witter nodded. "I talked to some of the doctors here. They all suggest someone who specializes in kids. Someone whose dealt with kidnappings before, but none of them can recommend..." He sighed. "I know it was stupid, but I just thought that it would be so easy. He's alive and he's back..."

Paul looked thoughtful. "I might be able to help you. I have a friend whose a child psychologist. He's semi-retired now, but I think that he'd be more than happy to help... Let me give him a call."

Mr. Witter nodded. "Thanks again Paul. You have no idea..."

"He saved my life Mr. Witter. Anything I do for him...It can never compare to that." Mr. Witter nodded and was about to say something further when Doug arrived.

"Dad!" Doug exclaimed, hurrying towards his father with Carrie at his heels. "Where's Mom? Is he...?"

"Your mother's in with Pacey," John said.

"Dad?" Carrie questioned. He held out his arms and gave her a hug.

"Where's Gretchen?" He asked.

"She wanted to come right away," Doug said. "But I convinced her to finish up her last few midterms before racing back here."

Mr. Witter nodded. "That was probably a good idea." He turned to Paul. "Doug, Carrie, this is Paul Andrews. Paul, these are my two oldest. Carrie and Doug."

"Nice to meet you," Paul said, holding out his hand which Doug and then Carrie shook.

"Dad told me all that you've done for Pacey. Thanks."

"It was my pleasure," Paul said. "Speaking of help, I'm going to go call David." He nodded to Mr. Witter and Doug and Carrie and then turned to find the payphones.

They watched him go for a minute and then Doug turned to his father. "Can we see him?"

"Come over here and sit down," Mr. Witter said. "There are some things that I need to tell you."

"What is it Dad?" Doug asked as they sat down. "Why is he in the hospital anyway?"

"He was shot, Dougie."

"What?"

"The woman who had him decided that Paul needed to be shot as an example. I guess Pacey thought that it was because Paul had talked to him, and it probably was. Anyway, he jumped in front of Paul and saved his life. They managed to get out of there, I don't want to go into how right now..." Mr. Witter shuddered, how they had gotten out still scaring him. "You need to know that...there's evidence of extensive and long term abuse, physical and mental." Mr. Witter took a deep breath. "She beat him. That..." He took another deep breath. "Bruises, new and fading. Burn marks, scars...He's going to need some time...He's distant. He's cold, but I know that it's because he's scared. I just don't know how to get through that barrier. Prepare yourself for meeting a Pacey different from the one who left..." They were silent for a few minutes.

"Can we see him?" Doug asked.

"In a little while."

Doug nodded. "Look, I promised Dawson and Joey that I would call them when he got back to Capeside." Mr. Witter nodded, glad that Doug had thought to call them. "I'm going to go do that. When do you think that they can see him?"

"Not for a while," Mr. Witter said. "We think leaving it at family is best for now."

Doug nodded. "I'll tell them."

Dawson's

Dawson looked up as Joey climbed through the window into his room. "Where've you been?" He asked.

"Around," Joey said. "Just walking and thinking." She looked a Dawson, a questioning look on her face. "Why, what's going on?"

"Doug called," Dawson said. "Pacey's in Capeside Memorial."

"Can we see him?" Joey asked, sitting down on the bed.

Dawson shook his head. "He said it's only family right now." He looked at her expectantly.

Joey looked torn for a moment. "Let's go."

Dawson smiled slightly. "You read my mind. What are we waiting for?"

Capeside Memorial

Joey and Dawson walked into the hospital and after questioning the nurse at the front desk, they were soon on their way to Pacey's room. As they rounded a corner, Joey came to a dead stop, causing Dawson to run into her. "What?" He asked.

"I'm not seeing that," Joey said, rubbing her eyes.

"What?" Dawson asked.

"That," Joey said, pointing to a girl of about their age, dressed in a candy striper's uniform.

Dawson's gaze followed Joey's finger and his mouth dropped open in surprise. "No way!" He said. "Hurry, let's..."

"Too late," Joey said resignedly as the girl caught sight of them and walked over.

"Josephine, Dogson. What are you doing here?"

Joey rolled her eyes. "We could asked you the same question, Abigail," Joey said sarcastically.

"Duh, I'm a candy striper," Abby said. "What, the uniform didn't clue you in?"

"I know what you're doing Abby, but I have absolutely no idea why you are a candy striper."

"I like to help people," Abby said. Joey scoffed and Abby's eyes narrowed. "Okay so it looks good on college applications. What's it to you?"

"Now that's the Abby I know," Joey said.

Abby glared at her. "Well, what are you doing here?"

Joey snorted again. "If you don't know then there's no way in hell that I'm going to tell you."

"Joey!" Dawson said, looking at her meaningfully.

"It doesn't matter Dawson. She's not what he needs right now."

"Shouldn't we let him decide that?"

"We will, but right now, I'm not going to tell her, alright? You can if you want to, but I'm leaving." She glanced at Abby, finding it hard to believe that there had actually been a time when she hadn't hated this girl and vise versa, but if their group had ever been a quad instead of a trio, then Abby had been the fourth member. Not as close as the other three, but she had occasionally tagged along on their adventures.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Abby asked, confused.

Joey looked at Dawson expectantly. "Well?"

Dawson looked torn for a minute and then sighed. "You'll find out soon enough," Dawson said. "See you later."

He and Joey hurried away, leaving behind a curious and puzzled Abby. She was about to follow them when a nurse called her over.

"Abby? I need your help." Abby gazed after Joey and Dawson for a minute. "Abby?" The nurse questioned again.

Abby let out an annoyed sigh. "Alright, alright. I'm coming."

Outside Pacey's Room

Joey and Dawson entered the hall where Pacey's room was and saw a group of people gathered to one side of it. They walked over to Pacey's family uncertainly, noticing the defeated cloud around them. Doug caught sight of them and waved. "Dawson, Joey," he said with a slight smile. "I guess I should have known that you guys would show up anyway."

"How is he?" Joey asked. "Is there any way that we can see him?"

Doug looked at his parents and Paul. "It might help him," Paul said. He turned to Dawson and Joey. "He's...He's having a hard time with this whole thing."

"Who are you?" Dawson asked, curious.

"My name's Paul," Paul said.

"He found Pacey," Mr. Witter said. "Paul, that's Dawson and the young lady is Joey. They're Pacey's best friends."

Paul nodded. "Why doesn't Dawson go in first." He turned to Dawson. "Don't push him. I think that he'll be happy to see you, but who knows if he'll show that."

Pacey's Room

Pacey sighed and leaned his head back against his pillow. Was it always going to be this painful? Each time his parents came in it was almost like it hurt more. The looks that they gave him. The expectation in their eyes. It was like they expected him to be the person he had been six years ago. The only problem was, he didn't know how to be that anymore. Doug and Carrie were the same way. And uncomfortable. Everyone was so uncomfortable. He wished that Gretchen was there. Somehow, he had a feeling that of all his family she would understand the most. Maybe she would be able to look at him without the expectation.

Pacey looked up as a knock came to the door. A blond boy about his age stuck his head in. "Can I come in?" He asked uncertainly.

Pacey studied him for a minute, the face familiar, but it was hard to believe... "Dawson?" He questioned. The boy nodded. "My god! Come in!"

Dawson entered the room slowly, studying the boy in the bed. He stuck his hands in his pockets and stood next to the bed, rocking from side to side a little uncomfortably. "Sit down," Pacey said, motioning to the chair beside the bed. Dawson sat and then took a deep breath.

"So," he said.

"So," Pacey said.

"This is a little weird, huh?" Dawson said. "I have so many things that I want to tell you but I don't even know where to start..."

Pacey shrugged. "Well, how about...How's Joey?"

Dawson smiled. "You'll get to ask her that yourself," he said softly.

"She's here?" Pacey asked, surprised.

"Right outside, waiting her turn. They're only letting us in one at a time you know."

"So are you two...?" Pacey asked looking at Dawson meaningfully.

Dawson's eyes opened wide. "Nope. For a little while. It didn't work. We were never meant to be anything more than friends."

Pacey nodded, digesting this. When he had thought about his friends and what they would be doing with their lives, he had always pictured Dawson and Joey together. Always together. To find out that they weren't was a bit of a surprise. "Girlfriend?"

"Andie...Andrea McPhee. She moved here during sophomore year."

Pacey nodded again and studied Dawson for a minute...And there it was again. That expectant look. That hope...Pacey closed his eyes and sighed, fighting back the desire to cry.

Dawson looked at him uncertainly for a minute, sensing his withdrawal. "You look tired. Do you want me to..."

Pacey opened his eyes. "Yeah...yeah, I think so. I...It was great to see you again, Dawson."

"You too Pace," Dawson said softly. "Do you want me to tell Joey...?"

"No," Pacey said. "No, I'd...I'd like to see her for a minute."

Dawson nodded. "I'll send her in."

"Thanks Dawson." Dawson nodded again and left the room. He went over to where Joey was talking with Pacey's family. They looked at the almost defeated expression on his face and sighed.

"He was so distant," Dawson said. "Interested but...so far away."

"Don't take in personally Dawson," Doug said softly. "He's like that with everyone..."

Dawson nodded and turned to Joey. "He said that he was tired, but he does want to see you for a minute. You feel up to this?"

Joey nodded. "I want to see him," she said. "I'll see you guys in a few." The others nodded and watched as she approached Pacey's door and knocked before entering.

Pacey looked up as a beautiful brunette entered his room. He studied her for a minute, searching out the child that he remembered in the beautiful young woman in front of him. "Jo," he said softly.

"Pacey," She said, a smile lighting up her face. A smile that he couldn't help but return. Joey studied him in surprise. That one change in expression did wonders for him. The shadows disappeared and she was somewhat surprised to find that he was not only cute, but incredibly handsome.

Pacey watched her as she studied him and saw the expression start to grow and his smile faded. "Not you too," he whispered softly.

"What?" Joey asked.

"Nothing," Pacey said.

"No. Really," Joey said. "Not me too what?"

Pacey looked at his hands for a minute and the raised his head, his eyes boring into hers. "Don't look at me with that expectation. Like you expect me to suddenly morph into the eleven year old Pacey from the days of yore. Like I'll suddenly be him instead of this stranger. I've already had enough of that from my family and Dawson."

"You think that's what we expect?" Joey asked, surprised.

"Either that, or that I'm going to suddenly sprout a second head. I haven't quite decided yet."

Joey laughed. "How about if I swear that all I expect from you is that you remember me? And that we can go from there. Learn about the people that we are now instead of the ones that we were then?"

"Well, if you swear," Pacey said in an amused voice. Joey laughed again and Pacey felt himself relax. A relieved smile spread across his face. This was better. Not so uncomfortable. Joey returned the smile and Pacey found himself staring at her in amazement.

Joey noticed and began to feel a little self conscious. "What?" She questioned softly.

"Nothing," Pacey said shaking his head. "It's just..."

"What?" Joey asked uncertainly, biting her lower lip.

"You're so beautiful Potter. Absolutely gorgeous." Joey blushed and looked down at her hands. "What?" Pacey said, an amused look on his face. "Certainly you must know that you're beautiful?"

"Pacey..." Joey started.

"Jo, you've always been beautiful. I knew even way back when that you were going to be a hottie. But even what I imagined didn't come close..."

"Could we maybe change the subject please?" Joey begged, her face bright red.

Pacey smiled, willing to do anything, say anything, as long as that look didn't come. "Sure," he said. "Why don't you tell me what you've been up to. Friends, lovers, enemies...Speaking of friends, what's up with Abby and Will and the others. Are they still around?"

"Will moved," Joey said. She bit her lip uncertainly.

"And Abby?" Pacey prompted.

"Oh, Abby's around," Joey said noncommittally.

Pacey nodded, something coming to mind. "And you guys hate each other now."

Joey nodded. "Pretty much."

"And you would describe her as?"

"Heinous bitch generally, but don't let that influence you Pace. If she wants to, and is capable of being, your friend, then I don't want to get in the way of that."

Pacey nodded. "So any friends besides Dawson?" He asked with an evil grin.

"Hey!" Joey said, glaring at him. "I'll have you know that I have plenty of friends." Pacey raised his eyebrows. "There's Jen Lindley," Joey said. Pacey looked blank. "Mrs. Ryan's granddaughter." Pacey nodded, looking at Joey questioningly. She seemed to sense what he was asking. "Sentenced to the wilds of Massachusetts from New York City thanks to wild behavior. She's cool. And the McPhee's. Andie and Jack."

"Ah, Dawson's girlfriend," Pacey said nodding, watching her carefully to gage her reaction to that title. She just nodded and smiled, not disturbed in the least that Dawson had a girlfriend other than her.

"Yup. That's our group." She looked at Pacey for a minute. "You're going to join, right?"

"What?" Pacey asked, confused.

Joey rolled her eyes. "Our 'group' of course." Pacey looked uncertain and there was a pause. "Pace?" Joey said, realizing that she had probably gone too far too fast. "I didn't mean to push. I just..."

Pacey smiled softly. "It's alright Jo. I'm glad you want me too, but I think that...It would just be better to wait and see what happens." Joey nodded. She watched as Pacey closed his eyes and shifted in position. He looked so tired!

"Oh, damn," she said softly, suddenly angry with herself.

"What?" Pacey said.

"Dawson told me that you were tired, and here I am..."

"It's alright, Joey," Pacey said. "I like talking to you."

"Well we can talk tomorrow," Joey said. "You need sleep."

"Thanks for coming," Pacey said softly. "It... It was great to see you again."

"I'll be back tomorrow," Joey said, taking his hand. "And the only expectation that I'll have is that you'll be somewhat happy to see me."

"You can count on it," Pacey said giving her hand a squeeze.

"Bye Pace."

"Bye Jo." Joey smiled at him one last time and then left the room. Pacey watched her go, a smile on his face. It faded as the light that she had brought into the room left with her, his mind straying back to all the other people in his life. He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to slip into sleep, deciding that he could worry about that later.

Outside Pacey's Room

Joey approached the group in the hall with a small, almost sad smile on her face. The others looked up as she approached. "How did it go?" Dawson asked.

"Good," Joey said with a smile. "We talked...Not about anything too deep, but...he didn't push me away." She looked at them. "He only does that because he thinks that you're expecting something of him. I don't know if you actually are..."

"What did he say exactly," Paul asked.

"He said that everyone looks at him like they're expecting him to suddenly morph into the eleven year old Pacey from the days of yore instead of the stranger that they see."

"And you said...?"

"I asked if that was actually what he thought we were expecting."

"And?"

"And he said, 'Either that or they're expecting me to suddenly grow a second head. I haven't quite figured it out yet.'" A half happy, half sad sound broke from Mrs. Witter and Joey nodded, knowing where it had come from. It was such a Pacey-like statement. "He's still there," she said with a smile. "He might not be the Pacey he was six years ago, but that boy is still a part of him. You just have to let him be this Pacey too."


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five:  
Dreams of Memories

Pacey's Hospital Room

Pacey tossed and turned on his bed as memories from his past invaded his dreams. Dreams that were worse than nightmares, because they had actually happened.

_"Come on Pacey!" She called. "Just a little bit further! We're almost there!"_

"Meg!" He called, hurrying after her. "I'm trying Meg! Wait for me."

"Don't worry Pacey!" She said, turning her lovely face towards him for a brief moment, and giving him a quick, reassuring smile. "I won't leave you. We're going to be okay. We're almost there."

Pacey shifted uncomfortably in his bed, a soft sound of distress leaking from his lips. He wished that he could call out and warn her, but he couldn't. He hadn't known then what he did now. That they had been doomed from the moment they had left the compound.

_"Where are we?" Pacey asked, as they paused for a moment to rest._

"We're almost to the main road. There's a car stashed there...We can be in Massachusetts by tomorrow."

Pacey felt joy spread through him. Massachusetts! Home! She was going to bring him home. "Let's go!" He exclaimed, clamoring back to his feet.

Meg smiled at him indulgently. "Yes, let's go." They started forward again. Moments later they came to a dirt road. "Almost there!" She exclaimed softly.

Pacey cried out, begging her to go back. To run the other way, deep into the forest where they would never find them. But she didn't hear him. She never heard him. He watched again, as she turned to him, a smile lighting her face as she led him towards the car. The smile that faded as they got closer, and saw the figures standing by it. It was too late then. Too late to run. Too late to even cry out. Too late. Always too late.

_"Going somewhere Meg?" Mama Sal asked, stepping away from the car as some of her men approached from behind them. "You taking my little boy away from me?"_

"I..." Meg said, looking around frantically. "I had to Mama! This isn't right! He should be home with his family!"

"You questioning my judgment, girl? Well that's one thing...But to act on it..." She nodded to a couple of the men. "Show her what happens to people who cross me."

"No Mama!" Meg cried, stepping back as the two brutes approached her. "No! Please don't!"

"Meg!" Pacey called. He turned to Mama. "Don't hurt her Mama! Please don't hurt her!"

"Watch and learn Sonny," Mama said, glaring at the boy. "Think about this the next time you think to run away."

Pacey's eyes were wrenched towards Meg when she screamed in pain. "Meg!" He screamed.

"No!" Pacey moaned, his head tossing on his pillow. "No! Please!"

"Pacey!" Gretchen called, shaking her younger brother gently, desperate to stop those sounds. Those horrible heartrending sounds that were coming from him as he thrashed on the bed. "Pacey!" She said, shaking him a little harder.

"No!" Pacey called, struggling against her for a moment. His eyes popped open and she stepped back slightly, scared by the desperation in his gaze.

She stepped forward again. "Hey. It's gonna be all right, kiddo," she said softly. "I'm not the enemy."

Pacey looked at her for a moment before realization blossomed. "Gretchen?" He questioned softly.

"That's me," Gretchen said with a grin. "Give your big sis a hug?"

Pacey smiled and sat up, holding out his arm to her. She stepped forward and pulled him close to her. "How're you doing, kid?" She asked softly.

Pacey shrugged. "I've been better...but I've been worse too."

Gretchen bit her lip and had to force back tears at the sound of his voice. When she felt that she was in control of her emotions, she stepped back and looked at him. "I missed you, Pace," she said softly, hoping that there was no expectation in her gaze.

"I missed you too, Gretchen," Pacey said softly.

They studied each other in silence for a moment before Gretchen took a deep breath. "Can I ask you something?" She asked softly, her hand moving to lay on his arm comfortingly. Pacey looked at her for a minute and then nodded warily. "Who's Meg?"

Pacey closed his eyes, pain ripping through him. Meg with her bright red hair. Her dancing green eyes. The sweet smile...Her face twisted in pain. Her screams echoing into the night. "Meg was a friend," he said softly, his voice breaking.

"Pacey?" Gretchen said softly, suddenly afraid for him. He sounded so lost...

"She...She tried to help me escape when I was twelve." Pacey's eyes opened and his gaze locked with Gretchen's. "Mama killed her."

_"I'm sorry Meg!" Pacey cried, his body convulsing in sobs as he held her limp body in his arms. "I'm sorry! I never meant..."_

"What you meant doesn't matter Sonny," Mama said, glaring down at him. "You should have known that you couldn't get away from me. You'll never get away from me."

Pacey stared up at the woman, hopeless anger filling him as tears made their way down his cheeks. She was right. He was trapped here with her. Forever.

"Oh Pace," Gretchen said softly, stepping forward to hug him again. Pacey took the embrace thankfully, holding on to the comfort that she was offering with everything in him. Before he even knew what was happening tears were making their way silently down his cheeks and he struggled to control himself.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling back from her and swiping at the tears. "I don't know..."

"It's alright, Pace," Gretchen said softly, squeezing his hand. "You have every right to cry. You _need_ to cry."

Pacey looked at her uncertainly, not sure what to say. He wasn't sure how to react in any situation any more. He was so used to hiding his true feelings that he wasn't even sure if he knew how to experience them anymore.

"Pace," Gretchen said. She stopped as a knock came on the door. They turned as Joey stuck her head in the door.

"Oh!" Joey said, as she caught sight of Gretchen. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were here. Sorry to interrupt."

Gretchen looked at Pacey and was amazed at how his face had transformed. There was a light in his eyes and a small smile on his face. She turned back to Joey and smiled. "That's all right, Joey," she said softly. "I don't want to monopolize all of his time." She turned back to Pacey and held out her arms. "Hug?"

He smiled and nodded. She stepped forward and held him close again. "Love you little brother," she said softly.

"Love you too big sis," Pacey whispered back. "Come back soon."

"You can count on it." She stepped back and left the room, giving Joey's arm a squeeze as she left. "Bye Joey."

"Bye," Joey said. They watched as Gretchen left the room and then Joey turned to Pacey. "So, did ya miss me?" She asked sitting down in the chair next to his bed.

"Oh yeah," Pacey said with a grin. "It was a horrible..." He looked at the clock at his bedside. "Fifteen hours. I don't know how I survived."

Joey grinned back at him. "You're a tough cookie, that's how," she said.

"Oh yeah, that's me all right," Pacey said.

"So when are they springing you from this place anyway?" Joey asked.

"Don't know," Pacey said with a sigh. "I think that they're still trying to determine if it's safe to let me loose in Capeside or not. There's some shrink who's getting here today. I think they're waiting to hear what he has to say."

"Ah," Joey said.

"So," Pacey said with a grin, shrugging off the shrink talk. "What's been up with you the past six years Jo? How are your parents and Bessie?" Pacey's smile faded as a shadow crossed Joey's face. "Jo?"

Joey bit her lip and then sighed. "Mom...Mom died when I was thirteen."

"Oh, Jo," Pacey said softly, his heart breaking for his friend. He held his hand out to her and she took it, squeezing it gently.

"Breast Cancer," she said softly. "And Dad...Dad's in prison." Pacey's eyes opened wide. He remembered the Potter's as a happy, loving couple. "Drug trafficking."

"Oh Jo," Pacey said again.

"Bessie...Bessie's doing well with me...and Alexander." Pacey raised his eyebrows. "Her son."

"Oh," Pacey said. "Is she..."

Joey shook her head. "But he's around. He used to work at the Icehouse...but it's gone now..."

"What?"

"A fire."

"Geez, Jo. Did anything in this town go well while I was gone? Next thing you'll be telling me is that Mitch and Gail split up!" Joey smiled wryly, nodding slightly. "Oh, you're kidding!"

Joey shook her head. "They're back together now though."

Pacey was silent for a moment, trying to process everything that she had told him. "So, anything happy to report?" He asked.

"We turned the house into a Bed and Breakfast," Joey said. "It's doing good business so far."

"That's good," Pacey said with a smile. "And I'll bet that you're number one in the class, all the teachers adore you...Hey, speaking of teachers, what can you tell me about Tamara Jacobs?"

"Ms. Jacobs?" Joey asked, puzzled at the sudden change in conversation.

"Yeah, the woman who disproved my closet-case theory about Dougie. What's she like?"

Joey shrugged. "She was my teacher. It's not like I have any social knowledge of her at all. She's nice."

"Helpful as always Potter," Pacey grumbled.

"Hey!" Joey said with a playful smile. "I didn't realize that I was supposed to bone up on Ms. Jacobs' biography before I came to visit you! Next time I'll be more prepared!"

"Well, see to it that you are!" Pacey said with a grin. "I need info here!"

"Yes sir!" Joey said with a mock salute. "Any other requests?"

Pacey looked thoughtful for a moment. "Not that I can think of, but I'll let you know."

Joey smiled. "So how're you doing today? Shoulder better?"

"Yeah," Pacey said. "I'm healthy enough to go home, it's just a matter of whether they think I'm stable enough to. You know, once they decide if I'm going to collapse under the pressure of everything I've been through, you know, now that I'm finally away from it."

Joey had to smile at the sarcasm in his voice. "You never know, Pace. The shrink, he might be cool."

"Yeah. Right, Jo," Pacey said, looking at her doubtfully. "He's going to be some stuffy jerk in a cardigan. Not my idea of a fun time."

OUTSIDE

Dawson stopped in surprise as Gretchen left Pacey's room and immediately burst into tears, burying her head in her hands and taking a deep steadying breath. "Gretchen?" He questioned softly.

She looked up. "Oh, hey Dawson," she said softly.

"Are you all right?"

Gretchen sighed and wiped her tears away with her hand. "I don't even know. I'm so happy that he's home. But I'm sad too. Not that he's here, but because the more I learn about what happened to him there, the more horrible it seems and I just...I don't know how he survived for six years...and I don't know what's going to happen to him now."

"What did he tell you?" Dawson questioned softly. "What...?"  
  
"I have to find my parents," Gretchen said. "You can come if you like. I..."

Dawson nodded. "Is he all right?" He asked, nodding toward Pacey's door.

"Yeah," Gretchen said. "Joey's in there with him. I think he's better then good. He...he seemed almost happy."

Dawson nodded. "I passed your parents on my way up here. They were talking to Paul and some other guy."

"Must be David, the psychologist," Gretchen said. "Let's go." Dawson nodded, and led her to where he had seen her parents last. As soon as she caught sight of them she hurried towards them. "Mom, Dad," she called.

They turned towards her and her father pulled her into a hug. "What's wrong Gretchen?" He asked. "Is he all right."

"He's okay," Gretchen said. "Well, for the moment. Joey's with him." Mr. Witter nodded.

"Did he say something?" The man next to Paul asked.

"Gretchen, this is David Alexander. He specializes in criminal cases dealing with children. The FBI agreed when he requested being assigned your brother's case."

Gretchen studied him. He didn't fit any of her images of a psychologist. He was wearing jeans with loafers and a sweatshirt. His hair was slightly mussed. He looked like he had just woken up. Gretchen shrugged all that off, deciding that it didn't matter what he looked like. All that mattered was whether or not he could help her brother. If he could, he could wear a dress for all she cared.

"Nice to meet you," Gretchen said, shaking the man's hand. She took a deep breath. "When I got there he was having a nightmare," she said. "He was calling out in his sleep for someone named Meg. He sounded...terrified. Heartbroken. I woke him up." Gretchen bit her lip, tears coming to her eyes. "He struggled for a minute and then he recognized me. I gave him a hug...and then I asked him who Meg was..." She looked everyone in the group in the eyes and then said. "Meg was his friend. She tried to help him escape...And that...that witch killed her in front of him!"

"What?" Mrs. Witter exclaimed.

"When...?" Mr. Witter asked, needing to know, but on some level, not really wanting to.

"He was twelve," Gretchen said, her tears spilling over. Her father pulled her close with one arm, using the other one to bring his wife close to his side. "Twelve Dad."

Paul turned to David, something occurring to him. "At least now I know what he meant," he said softly. David nodded.

"What was that?" Mr. Witter asked, looking at the two men.

"Something Pacey said in the bank," Paul said. "Before he jumped in front of me, he told Mama Sal that he wasn't going to let another person die because of him."  
  
"He blamed himself," Mrs. Witter said, her heart breaking for her son. She buried her head in her husband's shoulder and cried. "Oh John."

"He'll be okay," John said, looking at David hopefully. "Somehow..."

David wished that he could reassure them, but he couldn't. Not when he hadn't even spoken to Pacey. "I'd like to meet him," he said softly.

Paul nodded. "That would probably be a good idea."

"Give him a few minutes," Gretchen said, a note of pleading in her voice. "Joey's in there right now...He seemed so happy to see her..."

David nodded. He turned to Paul. "Joey?" He asked softly.

"She's a childhood friend of his," Paul said. "So's the guy who came over here with Gretchen. Joey's one of two people from his past that he's really talked to. Gretchen's the other one. She got more out of him today then anyone else has been able to."

David nodded. "When Joey comes out..."

Paul nodded. "I'll ask her to stick around."

"Thanks," David said. He turned to the family. "Paul told me a lot of what's been going on, but I'll need to talk to you all individually as well." They nodded.

"Can I ask you something?" Mr. Witter asked.

"Sure," David said, nodding.

"That first night, when we saw him in the hospital in Maine...He was so open. He talked to us, let us see that he was hurting. Now, he does everything in his power to make it seem like he's fine. Like nothing in the world is wrong. Why...?"

David sighed. "He probably considered it a weak moment. One that he'll guard viciously against in the future. You have to keep in mind that he's had to bury his true feelings, his true personality for six years. That's hard to change and he can never truly regain who he was before, because burying his personality also changed it. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be very hard to get him to trust you again, but you're lucky too, because there are people from his past that he trusts. Gretchen and Joey. That's a positive sign. You're going to have to be patient though. He's not going to get better overnight. It's going to be a long road with plenty of bumps. Be prepared for that."


	7. Chapter Six

Hello all!

Sorry that its taken me so long to get this up. See, thing is, the story's all finished so I have a little trouble remembering that I'm posting it here…lol, yeah, easily distracted and all… Don't even really remember why I started and stopped posting it way back when. Then every now and again I get a review sent my way and will post another chapter. So here's the deal… I'm gonna post the rest of the story, most likely tonight (maybe won't get to some of it till tomorrow) The sequel will most likely _not_ be posted here, (unless people really want it to be)but I'll give you a link to where it can be found in the epilogue of this one. That said, here's chapter seven. Much more to come…

Snowie

Chapter Six:  
Running

Pacey's Hospital Room

Paul knocked lightly on the door to Pacey's hospital room and stuck his head in. "Hey, Pacey. May I come in?"

"Sure," Pacey said. "You've met Joey, right?"

"Yes, I have," Paul said, entering the room with David on his heels. "Nice to see you again Joey."

"You too," Joey said politely.

"Pacey, Joey, I'd like you to meet David Alexander."

"Nice to meet you both," David said, shaking both of their hands.

"Nice to meet you too," Joey said, shifting uncomfortably. Pacey just nodded in acknowledgement, studying David carefully.

"Joey? Why don't we leave Pacey and David to get acquainted," Paul said.

"Oh, okay," Joey said, looking at Pacey uncertainly.

"Ah, go on," Pacey said with a grin. "As long as you promise to come back tomorrow."

"I'll do you one better," Joey said with a grin. "How about I come back tonight with, say a whopper and fries?"

"And a chocolate milkshake?" Pacey asked hopefully.

"You bet."

"Well, if you can pull that off, I'd just have to do everything in my power to have you declared a saint. Saint Josephine has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" He asked, directing the question at Paul.

"Sounds good to me," Paul said with a grin.

"Don't nark on us," Joey said, looking at Paul pleadingly. "It'll be hard enough to get by Nurse Ratchet without her getting outside assistance."

"This place has a Nurse Ratchet?" Paul asked, raising his eyebrows.

"You haven't seen her?" Pacey asked. "I swear the woman's possessed." He widened his eyes in mock horror. "She stood there glaring at me for ten whole minutes after I told her that hospital food should be declared toxic waste. And i_then/i_ she made me eat all of my stewed prunes before I could have any jello. Pure evil, I'm telling you."

Paul laughed. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Seems to me a little fast food won't hurt you any. If she gives you a problem, tell her you have your doctor's permission."

"Yeah, like she'd buy that," Pacey scoffed.

"What? You don't think that I could get a nurse to do what I say?"

Pacey looked at him doubtfully. "Keep telling yourself that Paul...but the rest of us know who really runs these places...and it's not the doctors."

"I think that's my cue to leave," Paul said with a wry grin. "Joey?"

"Uh, yeah," Joey said. She gave Pacey's hand a squeeze. "I'll see you later, all right?"

"Later," Pacey said softly. He watched as the two of them left the room and then turned to David. "So, you're the shrink," he said. "I must say, you don't look much like one."

"Been around a lot of shrinks in your day, huh?"

"Naw, but you get this picture, you know what I'm saying?"

"Sure," David said. "I can see where you're coming from with that. So if I don't look like a shrink, what do I look like?"

Pacey studied him for a minute. "Couldn't tell you. For all I know this is a ploy to catch me off guard."

David held back a laugh, knowing that he was being tested. "And if it's the way I always dress?"

"Then I have to wonder if your opinion will be widely accepted within the shrink community."

David laughed. "And if I told you that I'm well thought of by my colleagues?"

"I'd have to start wondering if the entire world has gone crazy and I'm the only sane one left." David laughed again and Pacey studied him for a minute. "So how exactly is this going to work?" He asked.

"I'm going to ask you questions, and you're going to answer them to the best of your ability."

"And then you're going to decide if I'm sane enough to go home?"

"I'm going to make suggestions about what everyone can do to make this transition easier."

"What if I just want to go home?" Pacey asked. "What if I just want to go home and eat dinner with my family and talk to my parents and argue with my siblings? What if I really don't want to talk to you?"

"I can't make you talk to me Pacey, but I will tell you that I can help you...And I can help your family. You just have to let me."

Pacey studied him carefully before taking a deep breath. "Where do we start?"

David smiled reassuringly, but didn't let his relief show. His face took on a serious expression as he began to speak. "Why don't we start with the dreams. Gretchen said you were having nightmares."

Pacey looked at the wall. "Well, if she told you about the dream, then she must have told you what it was about. I don't know that there's a whole lot more to say about that."

"How did Meg come to join Sally Anderson's group?"

Pacey sighed. "She was young. College age. Mama could be very persuasive when she wanted to be. Meg was disillusioned and Mama wanted her money. It didn't take her long to figure out that life with the militants wasn't going to be the illuminating thing she thought it would be." Pacey's face took on an incredibly vulnerable look and David could almost see the child that he had been back then. "She...She used to sneak me snacks. She'd talk to me about her childhood, her parents, her friends. I'd tell her about Capeside. One night she snuck me out of the compound. She was going to bring me home." Pacey's expression changed from one of sadness to one of anger. "She should have known better! What the hell was she thinking? She should have known that Mama always wins in the end. There's no escaping the witch."

"You escaped from her," David said softly. "You beat her."

Pacey laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. "No I didn't. And I never will. She won this thing a long time ago, long before most people even knew they were in the game. Don't you see? There won't be a moment in my life that won't be tainted by her. She'll always have the last laugh, because she'll always control me. Everything I do in my life will be a reaction to what happened, what she did. Whether I'm running away from it, or fighting it, she'll always be there. Right there. It doesn't matter that she lost this last battle, 'cause she still won the war."

"Do you really believe that Pacey?"

"I know that Dr. Alexander. I know because that warm beautiful summer night she killed one of the most beautiful human beings in the world...And part of me died right along with her. The part of me that could believe in goodness. The part that believed in happy endings and love and friendship. And I don't think I can get that back... and that means that she won, because what's life without love? Without a basic belief in the goodness of mankind? I'll tell you what it's like. It's like death, so what's the difference?"

"The difference is that you're not with her anymore. You're with people who love you. People who want to help you, not hurt you."

Pacey rubbed his temples and sighed. "Don't take everything I say overly seriously, okay? Half the time I don't even know what I'm saying."

David nodded, looking at Pacey carefully, noticing just how much stress the boy was feeling. "You look tired. Why don't I come back later and we can talk some more."

Pacey nodded. He watched as David went to go. "Hey Doc.?"

"Yes Pacey?" David said.

"It's not that I don't believe in love. I do. I love my family, my friends and I know that they love me. I just don't think that love can save you. I don't believe that it can make everything okay again."

David nodded softly. "I understand Pacey. I do understand where that's coming from and I hope...I hope that you can come to see that love doesn't have to save you in order to help you. That you'll see that it can make things better. Think about that."

Pacey nodded again and watched the doctor leave the room. "Well I guess I'm not going home tonight," he said wryly, flopping back against his pillows and trying to relax.

Hallway

David left Pacey's room and was soon surrounded by a group of people. He let out a silent sigh and then looked around at the hopeful faces, trying to figure out what he should say. "Okay, good news, he talked to me."

"And the bad news?" Mr. Witter asked.

"Nothing that isn't to be expected," David said. "Mood swings. Anger, hatred, depression. He's alternatively vulnerable and blocked off. He's angry at himself, at the world, at her. You're going to need to be patient with him."

"What about bringing him home?" Mrs. Witter asked. She wanted her baby back under her roof again. It had been so long since she had felt his presence in their home. She needed to feel that again.

"I think that he needs to go home soon. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. He needs to feel connected to you and his home again. He needs to feel like he's at home. Like he's wanted. That's hard in a hospital."

The Witter's nodded. "We'll get everything ready," Mr. Witter said. He looked at Pacey's door. "Do you think...?"

"I think that he needs a few minutes," David said. "But you can go in soon." Mr. Witter nodded. "In the meantime, why don't we all get some lunch and talk some more. There are a lot of things that we need to discuss." Mr. Witter nodded again. David looked around before turning to Paul. "Joey?"

"She had to go home, but she left her number for you."

David nodded. "Let's go?" He said.

The others nodded and followed him towards the cafeteria.

Pacey's Room

Pacey sighed as he shifted in bed, trying to get comfortable. He was so damn tired of this place. He wanted to go outside. He wanted the hell out of this place is what he wanted.

"The hell with waiting," He muttered. He was tired of being controlled. He was tired of only going places when other people let him. He wanted some control back. He looked down at his arm, wondering how much damage he would cause himself by pulling the IV out.

"There's only one way to find out," he muttered, gritting his teeth and pulling the IV out in one swift, steady movement. He let out a sigh of pain, but it didn't hurt for long. "That wasn't so bad," he said. He got out of bed and made his way to the closet, careful to keep the hospital gown closed behind him. He opened the closet and cursed under his breath. Nothing. He didn't have clothes. "Great! Just great."

Pacey walked over to the door and peeked out. The only person within sight in the hall was an orderly. "Psst! Buddy!" He hissed.

"Yeah?" The guy asked.

"Can you come in here a minute?"

The guy shrugged and entered Pacey's room. "Whadya need?"

"Clothes," Pacey said. "Any kind of clothes."

"You're not supposed to leave the hospital. They told me."

Pacey rolled his eyes. "I'm not planning a jailbreak," he said. "I just want to be able to walk down the hall without feeling a breeze up my butt, ya know what I'm saying?"

The orderly laughed. "I understand where you're coming from, but I can't help you."

"Come on buddy. I'll even settle from some of those nifty duds like you're wearing. Please?"

The orderly considered for a minute. "All right. Give me a minute."

"You're a prince among men, my man," Pacey said, clapping the guy on the shoulder. He watched him go and then thought for a minute. "Now what to do about shoes?"

Potter B&B

Joey looked out the window at the swirling snow, enjoying the way it danced in the air. She always loved snowy days. There was just something so peaceful about them. She was about to turn away from the window when something caught her eye. Someone was sitting at the end of her dock and it took her only a moment to figure out who.

"Bessie, I'll be right back!" She called hurrying to the closet and pulling on her coat, hat and gloves. She then grabbed a spare blanket and hurried out into the cold.

"Jo?" Bessie called. "Where are you going?" Her only answer was the slam of the door. She went over to the window and looked out and smiled softly as she watched her sister approach the hunched figure on the end of the dock. It had been years since she had seen Pacey, but she could tell even from this distance that it was him. Who else would it be?

"Nifty P.J.'s, Pace." Joey said, throwing the blanket over Pacey's shoulders. "What're you doing sitting out here in the cold in only hospital scrubs?"

"Thinking," Pacey said with a slight smile as he looked up at her. "Trying to work up the courage to knock on your door."

"You don't need courage to do that," Joey chided, sitting down beside him. She grabbed one of his cold hands and rubbed it between her gloves, trying to warm him. "I always want to see you, and Bessie's been wanting to see you since you got home. She just didn't want to intrude."

"Oh," Pacey said softly. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was so beautiful, especially now, with the cold air bringing a flush to her cheeks and snowflakes dancing around her. "My mistake then."

His voice was so small, uncertain. She felt drawn to him. She wanted desperately to make everything right for him. "So, they finally sprung you from the hospital, huh?" Knowing all the time that the hospital scrubs told a whole other story, but not wanting to accuse him of anything. "That talk with Dr. Alexander must have gone well. Bet it feels nice to be home." Pacey looked slightly guilty. "Pace?" Joey questioned, noticing the look at once.

"Well, they didn't exactly release me..." Pacey said reluctantly. "I just couldn't stay cooped up anymore."

"So you decided to release yourself without telling anyone," Joey stated. Pacey nodded. "Did you at least leave a note?"

A stricken look crossed Pacey's face. "No...I didn't even think...Do you think...Do you think they'll..." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Do you think they'll be mad."

Joey's heart broke at the slight whisper of fear that was almost, but not quite hidden in his tone. "No," she said softly. "They'll be scared out of their minds, but they won't be mad. Why don't we go inside and call them now, Okay?"

Pacey nodded. "Okay."

Joey got to her feet and held her hand out to him. He stood and took it, comforted by her presence. She smiled reassuringly at him and led him towards the house. "I was just about to go get your Whopper when I saw you out here, but, you're in luck. Bodie is cooking tonight, so you can safely stay and eat with us."

"Are you sure?" Pacey asked uncertainly. "I mean, I don't want to be a bother."

"No bother," Joey said. "I told you. Bessie's looking forward to seeing you again. Besides," she said, bumping him with her shoulder. "I want you to stay and it just so happens that I have pull with the owners of this joint."

"That so?" Pacey said with a smile.

"Yup."

"Then by all means," Pacey said with a bow. "I would be delighted to stay for dinner."

Joey laughed and led him into the house. Pacey smiled. It felt nice to be with her. She made him feel safe, like things were going to be okay. He treasured that feeling. It was something that he hadn't felt in a very long time.


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven:  
Beginnings

A week had passed since Pacey had 'checked' himself out of the hospital. Things were tense at home, but everyone was beginning to settle into a pattern. Life was achieving a rhythm. Pacey spent an hour every day talking with David. They had yet to discuss anything meaningful. David could sense that Pacey was still working towards trusting him.

Other than that hour, Pacey spent a lot of time with Gretchen and Joey, avoiding most others except for a few moments of weakness. He had met Jen, Andie and Jack and he liked them, but he knew that they weren't quite sure what to say to him. It was hard to meet people when they already knew everything about you.

Right now he was standing on the porch of the B&B waiting for Joey. Patience had never been his strong point though, so he was soon fidgeting. "Josephine, Josephine. Wherefore art thou, Josephine?" He called, rather loudly.

"You do know that wherefore means why, don't you Pace?" Joey asked, exiting the B&B with a grin on her face.

"But of course," Pacey said with a bow. "I was merely asking why you are Josephine because... I know how much you hate your full name." Joey gave him a look and Pacey sighed. "All right, so I was misquoting...but with full knowledge of that fact."

"You know, Shakespeare shouldn't be taken lightly Pace," Joey said, struggling to keep a straight face. "He was a great man."

Pacey placed the back of his hand on his forehead dramatically. "Oh woe is me, I knowingly misquoted Shakespeare. Shoot me now. I don't deserve to live."

"Idiot," Joey said, unable to hold back her laughter.

"I aim to please," Pacey said with a slight bow. "Want to go get a slushie?"

"It's the middle of the winter Pacey. It's too cold for slushies."

Pacey gasped. "Bite your tongue Josephine! Slushies are for all seasons. Besides, I haven't had one in about six years. I think I'm allowed to break the rules."

"Well in that case," Joey said, taking his arm. "Let's go."

"C'mon," Pacey said, pulling her towards the driveway. "I have the deathtrap."

"Your parents are letting you drive even without a license?" Joey asked in surprise.

"Letting is such a strong word," Pacey said with a cocky grin. "It implies that they have some knowledge of the fact that I've absconded with their vehicle. It's more like, what they don't know can't hurt me."

Joey laughed as she let herself be pulled to the beat-up old truck. "I guess that's as good a motto as any."

"You know it," Pacey said opening the door for her. Once she was settled into her seat he slammed the door behind her and went around to the other side of the truck. He climbed into the drivers seat and started the truck.

"So what have you been up to today?" Joey asked as they pulled out of the driveway.

"Oh, this and that," Pacey said in an offhand manner.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I went to therapy. Meaning I sat and had a serious yet pointless discussion with my parents. Meaning I did my darnedest to start a fight with Dougie and he just wouldn't cooperate. You know, if anything, he's grown even more boring while I was away. He used to at least argue with me."

Joey laughed. "I'll argue with you Pace."

Pacey grinned. "I know you will Josephine. Why do you think I hang out with you so much?"

"And here I was thinking that it was my movie star beauty," Joey said, her tone suggesting that she didn't think her beauty was anywhere near movie star levels.

"Well, that goes without saying," Pacey said with a wink.

Joey just stuck her tongue out at him before changing the subject. "So how are things going with David? Do you like him?"

Pacey looked thoughtful for a minute, barely noticing as a song came on the radio.

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
So many words for the broken heart  
It's hard to see in a crimson love  
So hard to breathe  
Walk with me, and maybe  
Nights of light so soon become  
Wild and free I could feel the sun  
Your every wish will be done  
  
They tell me..._  
  
"I do like him," Pacey said. "But I just...I don't know if we're getting anywhere. He asks me questions that I just don't know how to answer."

"Like what?" Joey asked softly.

"Like if I'm happy to be home."

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

"You don't know if you're happy to be home?" Joey asked, trying to keep the surprise and hurt out of her voice.

"That's not what I meant," Pacey said. "I am happy to be home. Really. I just... Things are so different and at the same time unchanged. Sometimes being here hurts."

"What do you mean?" Joey asked gently.

_Life goes on as it never ends  
Eyes of stone observe the trends  
They never say forever gaze  
Guilty roads to an endless love  
There's no control  
Are you with me now  
Your every wish will be done  
They tell me_

Pacey stared straight ahead for a minute before beginning to speak softly. "Some things...they destroy everything. I look around and I can see...I can feel the way things should have been. And that's hard...because I know that even if that other life, the one I was supposed to have...even if it wasn't completely happy...I feel like... like at least I could have looked at the world and felt some hope...Some happiness... but because of what happened I don't. I can't. I look at the world and all I see is pain and anger and hatred. I can't believe in happily ever after anymore, Joey. Not when I don't even believe in tomorrow."

_Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart_

Joey bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. She wanted so much to be able to say something to take away the pain that she could hear in his voice. That she could see written clearly on his face.

"If...If it helps at all Pace," she said softly. "I...I'm really glad that you're home... and I'm going to do everything I can... Anything I can think of... to help you believe in tomorrow again."

_There's nowhere to run  
I have no place to go  
Surrender my heart' body and soul  
How can it be you're asking me to feel the  
things you never show_

Pacey smiled softly at her. "Thank you Joey," he said, his voice husky. "I...I really appreciate that."

"No problem," Joey said.

_You are missing in my heart  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are_

Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart

They drove in silence for a moment before the song on the radio pierced Pacey's consciousness. "What the hell is this shit anyway?" He asked, his voice disgusted.

"Backstreet boys," Joey said with a laugh.

"What the hell?" Pacey asked, feeling distinctly behind when it came to music...And as of that moment, glad that he was.

"Boy band," Joey said.

"Didn't anyone learn anything from New Kids on the Block?" Pacey asked in disbelief. Joey laughed again as Pacey hit the button to change the station. "Much better," Pacey said as Matchbox Twenty began to play. They sat in silence for the rest of the trip to town, just listening to the radio.

_If I fall along the way  
pick me up and dust me off.  
and if I get too tired to make it  
be my breath so I can walk  
  
If I need some other love  
give me more than I can stand  
and when my smile gets old and faded  
wait around I'll smile again_

shouldn't be so complicated  
just hold me and then  
just hold me again  
  
can you help me I'm bent  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
get put back together  
you're breaking me in  
and this is how we will end  
with you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep  
could you paint me better off  
could you sympathize with my needs  
I know you think I need a lot  
  
I started out clean but I'm jaded  
just phoning it in  
just breaking the skin

start bending me  
It's never enough  
I feel all your pieces  
start bending me  
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

shouldn't be so complicated  
just touch me and then  
just touch me again

LEERY'S FRESH FISH

"Hey Dawson," Jen said, dropping into the chair next to her friend. "What's up?"

"Not much," Dawson said with a sigh.

"Something got you down?" Jack asked, sitting down next to Jen.

Dawson sighed again. "It's just... My best friend is finally back after six years...and I don't even know how to talk to him. What to say. It comes so easily for Joey. They just clicked again. I... I feel like I've lost that connection."

Jen looked at Dawson sadly. "I'm sure it'll get better Dawson. You just need to give him time to get used to being home. You have to put yourself in his shoes. Life went on here without him. That must be hard to come to grips with."

"But why Joey? Why not me?"

"Dawson..."

Dawson sighed and then smiled. "Not to worry. I feel better now that I got that whining off my chest."

Jack and Jen laughed. "Hey, where's Andie anyway?" Jack asked.

"Right here," Andie said, dropping into the seat next to Dawson. "What's up?"

"Dawson's got the blues," Jen said.

"Ah," Andie said. "That I know. And I'm guessing that the reason why is coming in that door." The four of them looked up as Joey and Pacey entered the restaurant.

"I can't believe that not a single place in Capeside sells slushie's in the winter," Pacey said.

"I hate to say I told you so..." Joey said with a smirk. "But I told you so."

"Ha ha," Pacey said. "So, oh so intelligent one, is a milkshake an option?"

"Best ones in town," Dawson said. "Want to join us?"

Pacey looked uncertainly from the table to Joey. Joey smiled reassuringly at him and he nodded. "Yeah, we'd like that," he said softly. Joey took his hand as they approached the table and squeezed it gently. He smiled softly at her before pulling out her chair. She sat down and then he sat next to her. "So, how are you guys doing?" He asked.

"Okay," Dawson said. "You?"

"Fine," Pacey said. There was a tense silence.

"So," Jen said. "What are you two up to today?"

"Well, I was going to buy Joey a slushie," Pacey said. "But this town is totally devoid of class and doesn't have a single place where you can buy a slushie. I must say that I'm shocked at this obvious detriment to life in Capeside. What about you?"

"Oh, shocked," Joey said rolling her eyes. "What about you guys? What's going on?"

"Not much," Jen said.

"Actually Jo," Andie said, looking at Joey meaningfully. "Can Jack, Jen and I talk to you about something...in private?"

"Sure," Joey said slowly. She got to her feet, pausing to squeeze Pacey's hand reassuringly.

"That was subtle," Dawson said with a short laugh.

"What do you mean?" Pacey said, looking puzzled.

"Andie just knows that I've been wanting to talk to you," Dawson said sheepishly. He tensed at the wary look on Pacey's face. "I...I don't mean to back you into a corner. I just wanted to talk to my best friend."

The wary look grew into something akin to anger. "Dawson..." Pacey started.

A pained looked crossed Dawson's face. "I don't understand this, Pace. Why do you feel so uncomfortable around me? Why...Why do you look at me like you're angry with me?"

"Geez Dawson!" Pacey exclaimed. "I don't know!" He rubbed his forehead in frustration. "You act like you still know me...Like I'm still the kid I was six years ago. The sidekick to your hero. Well let me tell you something D. That kid is dead. You can't bring him back. I can't bring him back. He died six years ago, brutally, painfully, completely. So please, stop talking to me like you have any idea who the hell I am, 'cause you don't have the first damn clue!"

"Then why don't you tell me?" Dawson said. "I want to help you Pacey. I want to be your friend. I missed you."

Pacey closed his eyes. "You don't want to know about my demons Dawson... Frankly, I don't know that you could handle them. I certainly can't."

"Pacey..."

"You can't help me Dawson...I'm beginning to think that nothing can."

"Pacey..." Dawson said, trying again.

"Don't be so naive as to think that this story is going to have a 'happily ever after' kind of ending Dawson. There's no such thing."

"I..."

"I gotta go," Pacey said, jumping to his feet. He headed towards the door, but paused a few feet from the door and turned to Dawson. "I missed you too D," he said softly. And then he was gone.

"Pace?" Joey called, hurrying back to the table. She looked at Dawson questioningly. All he could do was shake his head, and motion that she should go after Pacey, which she did.

Jen, Jack and Andie returned to the table and sat down with Dawson, watching as he buried his face in his hands. Andie placed her hand on his arm and he looked up at them, his face tormented. "He's in so much pain. I didn't realize..."

"What did he say?" Jen asked softly.

"He said...he said that the boy I remember, my best friend, died six years ago, brutally, painfully, completely...And I'm scared to death that he's right."


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight:  
Small Steps

Joey hurried after Pacey, wondering where he was headed...and wondering exactly what had happened between Dawson and Pacey. She saw him enter the park and slowed as she saw him sit down on a bench. He looked so lost and alone, and Joey felt a pain in her heart so sudden and intense that it scared her. She would do anything to help him. Anything to lessen the pain that he was feeling...Anything to make him smile.

She was falling in love with Pacey Witter...Or was it more than that? She watched him as he watched the kids playing in the snow and made a quick decision. Whatever her feelings were, that didn't matter. He wasn't ready for anything more than what they were...And neither was she. Joey took a deep breath and pushed those feelings, whatever they might be, to the back of her mind. There were more important things to think about right now...Like how to wipe that solemn look off his face and get him laughing again.

Joey saw a smile cross Pacey's face as a little boy threw a snowball at a little girl and a memory returned to her. A mischievous smile crossed her face and she began to sneak up on Pacey.

Pacey sat down on a bench at the park. it had been a long time since he had been there. There was a coat of freshly fallen snow covering the hills and dips of the park. It was quickly being trampled by the footstep of small children...and not so small children.

Pacey watched as a little boy chased a little girl, a snowball poised for flight in his hand. He smiled as the boy loosed the snowball at the girl and he was soon transported back in time.

_"Pacey, don't!" Joey screeched, running as fast as her legs could carry her. He was right behind her, with a snowball held ready and a mischievous grin on his face._

"Not unless you say it," he said, laughing. "C'mon Josephine! Say it!"

"I'd rather die," Joey screamed back over her shoulder.

"Well, if you say so," Pacey said, his smile widening.

"What do you mean?" Joey said surprised, turning just in time to get a face full of snow. "Argh!" She screamed in rage. "I'll get you for that Witter!"

Pacey came back to the present as a snowball smacked into the back of his head. He turned to face his attacker, a surprised look on his face. His eyes were drawn to a beautiful brunette who was holding another snowball ready, but was having a hard time aiming through her giggles.  
  
"Why Josephine Potter!" Pacey exclaimed with a tsk. "I didn't think that you were the type to shoot an unarmed man in the back. Whatever possessed you?"

"The back of your head just made such a wonderful target," Joey said with a teasing grin. "Besides, don't think that I don't remember the last time we had a snowball fight in this park! I still owed you!"

_Yeah  
The sun is shinin' everyday  
The clouds never get in the way for you and me  
I've known you just a week or two  
But baby I'm so into you  
Can hardly breathe_

Pacey laughed, and Joey felt her heart flutter in her chest. His smile made her knees weak and her chest tighten until it was hard to breath. "Well, I still think that it was a justified snowballing," he said. Pacey bent down and grabbed a handful of snow, patting it hastily into the form of a ball. "You do know what that means, don't you Josephine?"

Joey laughed, starting to back away. "Don't you dare Witter!"

"I dare," Pacey said, jumping over the bench with a laugh. Joey shrieked as she turned and ran.

_And I'm in so totally  
Wrapped up emotionally  
Attracted so physically  
Actin' so recklessly  
I need you so desperately  
Sure as the sky is blue  
Baby I love you  
I love you_

"You can't escape me Potter!" Pacey exclaimed, hurling the snowball at her and hitting her square in the back. "I never miss remember?"

"What an ego Witter!" Joey exclaimed over her shoulder. She shrieked again as another snowball hit her. She turned and threw the snowball that she had been holding onto and missed his head by a foot. "Damn!" She muttered. She stooped to gather some more snow as she was hit by yet another snowball. "Maybe this wasn't the best idea," she muttered under her breath.

_I never knew that I could feel like this  
Can hardly wait till our first kiss  
You're so cool  
If I'm dreamin' please don't wake me up  
'Cause baby I can't get enough  
Of what you do_  
  
Pacey laughed, still advancing. "Now, now, Josephine. You shouldn't start things that you aren't prepared to finish!"

"Would you accept a truce?" Joey asked, still retreating.

"Only if you say it," Pacey said with a mischievous grin.

_And I'm in so electrically  
Charged up kinetically  
Actin' erratically  
Need you fanatically  
You get to me magically  
Sure as the sky is blue  
Baby I love you_

Joey glared at him. "I wouldn't say it when I was ten and I certainly won't say it now."

"C'mon Joey," Pacey said, holding another snowball threateningly.

Joey grinned. "I'd rather die," she said with a wink.

"If you say so," Pacey said, tossing the snowball at her. She ducked and came up with a handful of snow which she threw in his general vicinity before taking off at a run, laughing. Pacey took off after her, a shout of laughter breaking from his throat. They ran through the park, bending over at random moments to grab handfuls of snow to toss at each other.

_I can't believe that this is real  
The way I feel  
Baby I'm gone head over heels_

Finally Pacey put on a burst of speed and caught Joey by the waist, throwing them both into the snow. They both burst into laughter as they struggled to disentangle. They finally managed to separate, and rolled over onto their backs, laughing breathlessly.

_And I'm in so totally  
Wrapped up emotionally  
Attracted so physically  
Actin' so recklessly  
I need you so desperately  
Sure as the sky is blue_  
  
When their breathing had calmed, they turned their heads towards each other. Pacey reached out his hand and brushed a stray strand of hair out of Joey's face. "I like being here with you, Jo," he said softly, his voice serious. "You make me happy to be alive."

Joey reached out her hand and touched Pacey's face gently. "You make me happy to be alive too, Pace," she said softly.

_And I'm in so electrically  
Charged up kinetically  
Actin' erratically  
Need you fanatically  
You get to me magically  
Sure as the sky is blue  
Baby I love you  
Baby I love you  
Do you love me too  
Baby I love you_

They stared at each other silently for a moment, lost in each other's gaze. They moved closer to each other unconsciously, not even realizing that it was happening until their faces were inches apart.

It was a surprise to both of them when their lips first met, but at the same time it felt so right that neither pulled away. It was a cautious kiss, searching, but at the same time achingly tender.

They pulled back slowly and Joey could see uncertainty spread across Pacey's face. He scrambled quickly to his feet. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

"Pace..." Joey said slowly, getting to her feet. "There's..."

"I'm sorry," Pacey said again, looking down, his hands clenched tightly by his sides. "Can we just...I don't think..."

Joey reached out her hand and laid it gently on his arm so that he would look at her. When he did, he found that her eyes were shining with understanding. "It's okay Pacey. I...I understand. You're still getting used to being here. You feel pressure from every side. There is no pressure here, okay? We'll...We'll just forget about this for now, okay?"

Pacey nodded slowly, a sigh of relief breaking from his throat. "Thank you Joey." The friendship that he had with Joey meant so much to him. He didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. The kiss...It was dangerous. There was nothing in the world that he wanted more than he wanted to kiss her again... And nothing in the world that he needed more than her friendship.

"I'm going to be here for you no matter what," Joey said. "Remember that."

Pacey smiled. "C'mon. I'll take you home."

"Okay," Joey said, smiling slightly. She held out her hand and Pacey only hesitated for a second before taking it. They smiled at each other and then walked out of the park, their minds alive with feelings that they weren't ready for.

Next Day  
David's Office

"Hey Dr. D!" Pacey said, entering David's office and flopping down on the couch. "How's it hanging?"

"Um, well," David said, unable to keep a smile from crossing his face. "And you?"

"Not bad," Pacey said with a shrug.

"Do anything interesting yesterday?"

Pacey shrugged. "Snowball fight with Joey."

"Really? Who won?"

"Moi, of course," Pacey said with a cocky grin.

"Ah," David said. "So what happened after the snowball fight." He became more attentive as Pacey's expression changed.

"Nothing," Pacey said, his expression dark.

"Really?" David said. "Are you sure that you don't want to talk about this nothing?"

"Naw," Pacey said, shaking his head. "Let's move on."

"Sure," David said. "What do you want to talk about?" Pacey shrugged. "How's everything going with your parents?"

Pacey's expression became even more dark and he shrugged again. "They're trying," he said softly.

"And you?" David said. "Are you trying?"

Pacey sighed. "I'm trying."

"Trying to try?"

Pacey laughed shortly. "Yeah. Trying to try."

"What's getting in your way Pacey?"

Pacey was silent for a minute, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Six years," he said softly. "Six years with a manipulative, psycho bitch. That's what's getting in my way."

"How is she getting in your way? Things she did? Things she said?"

"Both," Pacey said slowly. "There are so many things, I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Why don't you start with whatever comes to your mind first. What is the thing she did or told you that sticks out the most in your mind?"

"She..." Pacey stopped his face uncertain. His voice dropped. "She...she told me lots of things. Things to make me distrust my parents...She...she tried to make me think that my parents didn't want me anymore."

There was something so young about Pacey's voice that David felt again the pain of what the boy had been through.

"She told me that they could have gotten me back if they truly wanted. That she offered...and they said to keep me."

"What?" David exclaimed before he could stop himself. He inwardly cursed himself as a look of uncertainty crossed Pacey's face and the walls started to go up again.

"Look, I don't know," Pacey said. "I...I tried not to believe anything that Mama told me...but after a while...those truths were hard to hold onto. Do you understand?"

"Explain it to me," David said.

Pacey sighed. "I knew that my parents loved me. They may not have said it often...but I knew. I tried so hard to hold onto that, no matter what she said. She told me that if my parents had truly wanted me back they would have paid a ransom. That she offered but they told her to keep me...Even though it wasn't true, it shook my grasp."

David could hear the uncertainty in Pacey voice and knew that it had done more than shake his grasp. It had left him questioning everything. As much as he wanted to believe in his parents, deep down he wasn't sure if he could. He took a deep breath and decided to take a chance. "Pacey, you might know all this already, but bear with me okay? I just want to make sure that everything is clear." Pacey nodded. "Soon after your kidnapping, your parents received a call from Mama Sal, though they didn't know it was her at the time. They were told that you had been taken to hurt your father. For revenge against him for something that he had done. There was no offer for ransom, only a promise that when she was done you would hate your father as much as she did. That was her goal, Pacey. To make you doubt. To make you hate. To hurt your father."

Pacey looked down as if absorbing that information. Trying to accept it. Trying to believe it.

"It's okay if you don't believe that right away Pacey. No one's expecting you to rebound like nothing ever happened. I can't even begin to imagine what was done to you during those years, but I do know that it was painful. No one expects you to ignore that pain. We just want to help you work through it." Pacey nodded again. David looked at him for a moment and then looked down at his watch. "Your time's just about up. Do you want to leave early?"

Pacey nodded, getting to his feet. "See you tomorrow, Doc," he said softly.

"Bye Pacey," David said. He watched Pacey go and then picked up the phone. It was time to have a family session. Pacey needed to talk this out with his parents. David could reassure him until he was blue in the face, but Pacey wouldn't believe it until he heard it from his parents.

OUTSIDE

"Hey Witter!" Joey called.

Pacey turned, a smile lighting his face at the sight of her. "Hey Jo. What're you doing?"

"Had to run some errands for the B&B," Joey said holding up some shopping bags. "Want to walk me home?"

"I'd love to," Pacey said. "Here, let me," he said, taking the bags for her.

"You don't have to..." Joey started, but stopped as he gave her a look.

"Hey, I'm doing the gentlemanly thing here. Let me work my magic."

Joey laughed. "Work on," she said. "So what were you doing here?" She asked.

Pacey's face darkened. "Therapy," he said softly.

"Oh," Joey said. They walked in silence for a few minutes. "Did it help?"

Pacey sighed. "Honestly? I don't know. He asks me things, I talk, but...I just don't know if we get anywhere. I always feel like I end up right back where I started..."

"And where's that?" Joey asked.

"A dark, dank hole in the ground," Pacey said softly, his eyes taking on a faraway look. "With no hope, no peace... no life."  
  
"Pacey..." Joey started.

"A little depressing, huh?" Pacey said. "Sorry to be such a downer..."

"That isn't what I was going to say," Joey said softly. "I want you to talk to me...if you want to. I just don't always know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything," Pacey said. "Just listening is enough." They walked silently for a while longer. It wasn't long before they were walking up the steps to Joey's house. They carried the stuff into the house and then went back outside, sitting down on the steps.

They sat quietly for a moment before Pacey spoke. "You're worried about me aren't you?" He said softly. "About what I said?"

Joey sighed. "I...It just sounds like you're giving up on life, and that...that scares me Pacey. I...I get scared thinking about what you might do."

"What? You're worried that I'm going to kill myself, Jo? Is that it?"

"No," Joey said quickly. "It's just..." She sighed, deciding to be truthful. "Sometimes."

Pacey got to his feet. "Pace," Joey said, placing her hand on his arm as she followed him to a standing position.  
  
"No," Pacey said softly, his face carefully held neutral.

"Pace," Joey said, her voice desperate.

"No," Pacey said, shaking her hand off of his arm and moving away from her. He winked before climbing onto the railing of the porch.

"What are you doing?" Joey asked, completely confused.

"I'm gonna jump Jo," Pacey said dramatically. "And there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

Joey struggled to keep a straight face. This was too serious of a subject for him to be joking. "You're three feet off the ground Pacey."

Pacey looked down. "I don't know, Jo. It looks like quite the drop to me. I could seriously stub my toe!"

A snort of laughter broke from Joey. "Aha!" Pacey exclaimed. "The lady is amused!" He jumped back down to the landing and took Joey's hand in his. He waited for her to look at him and then said earnestly, "Don't worry so much Potter. Yes I have a lot of shit to work through. And yes sometimes I get depressed. But I would never kill myself. I have too much to live for."

A lopsided smile spread across Joey's face. "That's right, you do."

Pacey smiled at her. "I know you want to save me Jo, but you can't. Only I can do that. All you can do is make me want to save myself, and you do."  
  
Joey grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm glad Pace."

Pacey smiled at her. "You know what? I've been thinking..."

"Whoa, alert the media!" Joey joked.

"Smart ass," Pacey said, elbowing her in the side. "As I was saying, I was thinking that maybe..." His voice became uncertain and he looked down. "Do...Do you think that Dawson would be up for a movie night?"  
  
A slow smile spread across Joey's face. "I think he'd love that."

"Yeah?" Pacey said, his voice hopeful.

"Yeah," Joey said. "Let me call him."

"Okay," Pacey said. He watched as she went into the house to call Dawson and then turned and looked out at the creek. No matter what he had said to Dawson and the others, he missed his friendship with Dawson a lot. So much so that it scared him to try and get it back. What if it just wasn't possible?

Pacey smiled as Joey rejoined him. At least he had Joey. And for the moment, that was all that mattered.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine:  
Movie Night

Pacey followed uncertainly as Joey ran up the steps to the Leery house. He paused at the edge of the porch and looked around, the past hitting him hard.

"You coming Pace?" Joey asked, pausing at the door and turning to look at him

"Yeah," Pacey said. "I just..." He stopped.

Joey smiled reassuringly and walked over to him. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You can do this Pace," she said softly.

Pacey smiled softly at her. "I can do this," he said softly.

They walked forward, still holding hands. Joey opened the door and stepped through, pulling Pacey along with her.

She found Mitch and Gail standing in the hallway waiting for them. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hi Joey," they said, smiling at her. They watched as Pacey followed her in tentatively, his hand clasped firmly in hers as if it were the only thing keeping him from bolting. Mitch and Gail looked at each other, their faces sharing similar emotions. They could remember when Pacey had treated their home like it was his own. When no knock was needed. No invitation. Now he faced them with a look of almost fear on his face.

"Hi Pacey," Mitch said, smiling at the boy.

"Hey," Pacey said, not quite looking him in the eyes.

Gail stepped forward. "It's so good to see you again," she said softly. "And I was wondering something." She paused and waited for Pacey to look at her. When he did she continued. "Would it be too much to ask...For a hug?"

Pacey looked uncertain for a minute and then shrugged, nodding slightly. Gail stepped forward and gave him a hug. "We missed you a lot, Pacey," she said softly. "Welcome home."

"Thanks," Pacey said softly, hugging her back uncertainly.

"Are they upstairs?" Joey asked, knowing that Pacey was feeling more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Yeah," Mitch said. "Go ahead up."

"Thanks," Joey said, starting up the stairs.

"See you later Mr. Leery, Mrs. Leery," Pacey said softly before following Joey up the stairs.

Joey looked back over her shoulder and smiled at him reassuringly. Mitch and Gail watched until they had disappeared up the stairs.

"The future I never thought would be might come to pass after all," Gail said softly.

"What's that?" Mitch asked.

"Pacey and Joey," Gail said. "I always thought that when the two grew up they'd come to love each other. They seemed so well matched. And then..."

"Then he disappeared," Mitch said.

"It was over before it even had a chance to begin," Gail said softly. "And that made me sad, because I saw the way that he looked at her even then. She's like a daughter to me, and I knew that he would treat her well..."

"And here I was thinking that you were still holding out hope that Dawson and Joey would end up together."

"They tried that. They're just too much like brother and sister. Pacey on the other hand... I knew that they would be good together. And look at them. She makes him feel safe, and he makes her happy. It's definitely a step in the right direction."

UPSTAIRS

Pacey and Joey stood outside Dawson's door for a moment before Joey reached out and knocked.

"You knock now?" Pacey asked, still a little surprised that they hadn't climbed the ladder.

Joey cleared her throat. "Well after a few rather embarrassing interruptions," Joey cleared her throat again. "Walking in on Dawson and Andie, I decided that it would be better this way."

Pacey let out a snort of laughter as Dawson opened the door. "C'mon in you guys," Dawson said, waving them in. Andie, Jen and Jack were already there and they all looked up as Pacey and Joey entered.

Pacey decided that it was time to take the bull by the horns. "Hey everybody," he said, forcing a relaxed grin onto his face. They didn't need to know that this was scaring him to death.

"Hey," the group said, smiling back at him.

"So what's up for movie night?" Joey asked.

"Um, we were thinking Spielburg...Or well, whatever. You guys pick."

Joey looked at Pacey, who was looking at her uncertainly. "Sure," she said, pulling him over to Dawson's movie collection.

Pacey stared at the titles. Some so familiar. Some completely unknown to him. His finger traced lightly over ET and he closed his eyes. He could see the three of them laying on Dawson's bed, watching it for the fiftieth time. He wondered how many times they had watched it since... And a sharp pain shot to his heart.

Pacey opened his eyes and continued scanning the titles. Jurassic Park. He could remember standing out in the rain for hours with Dawson so that they could be among the first to see it. They had gone to the theater three times to see it. Pacey smiled slightly even as his eyes filled with tears.

"Pace?" Joey asked softly.

"Wha...?" Pacey asked. He blinked back the tears. "Oh." He reached randomly into the collection and pulled out a movie. "What about this one?"

"Men In Black?" Dawson asked.

"Yeah. Any good?"

"Sure," Dawson said. "Guys?"

"Fine," Andie said with a smile. The others nodded.

Dawson took it out of the box and finding that it wasn't rewound, slipped it into the VCR and hit rewind. There were a few moments of silence. "So, Pace," Dawson said. "How're you doing?"

'It's a simple conversation making question,' Pacey told himself and he began to tense. 'Relax!' "Fine," he said, smiling tightly.

"Um, I don't know if you'll want to," Dawson started. "But I was reading this article..." He picked up the paper that was sitting on his night stand and handed it to Pacey.

"Construction to begin next week on phase three of Capewoods Condominiums...?" He looked at Dawson questioningly.

"They're gonna bulldoze our woods, our fort," Dawson said.

Pacey's eyes closed as memories hit him. "Oh," he said softly.

"And I just thought that maybe...Maybe you'd like to go camping out there with me...Before it's gone." Dawson looked at Pacey uncertainly.

"Well," Pacey said, his voice unsure. "I don't..." He stopped, feeling dizzy as images from the past raced through his mind. Could he handle that? So many memories. So much pain. There was nothing that hurt him more than what used to be and what might have been...

"Pace?" Joey asked, looking at him worriedly.

"Excuse me. I don't..." He stopped talking. He just turned towards the door and bolted.

Dawson looked stricken. "I didn't mean..."

"It's all right Dawson," Joey said. "I'll go after him. Maybe watch another movie for a little while, okay?"

Dawson nodded and watched as Joey raced out of the room after Pacey.

She caught sight of him after she reached the porch and hurried after him. "Pacey?" She called, following him on his mad dash down the dock. She watched as he dropped to a sitting position at the end of the dock and quietly made her way to him. "Pace?" She questioned more quietly.

"Go away," Pacey said harshly.

"What?" Joey questioned, hurt by his tone.

"Please," Pacey said, his voice breaking. "Please go away, Jo. I don't...I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?" Joey said, crouching beside him and placing her hand on his arm. "Upset? Sad? Hurt?... Angry? You have a right to be all of those things Pace. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"But I am!" Pacey exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He turned his back on her as he continued to speak. "I'm ashamed of the anger I feel whenever I think about what they did to me! I'm ashamed of the tears! And I hate the fact that I can't have a simple conversation with the guy that was my best friend for what? _Eleven Years?_" He turned and faced Joey, his face tormented. "Do you know why Joey? Huh? Do you know why I can't sit and talk to him without feeling this hurt? This anger?"

"No," Joey said softly.

"I do," Pacey said. "Do you want to know?"

"Yes," Joey said, watching him carefully. There was this out-of-control look in his eyes as he began pacing up and down the dock.

"It goes back to that whole thing that we were talking about earlier. About how I wasn't sure if I was happy to be home." He stopped pacing and turned to look at her. "You know the real reason I'm not sure if I'm happy to be home? This is why. This feeling that I have right now...This... This separation. See, all that I wanted for so long was to come home. It's all I hoped for...All I prayed for...It just never occurred to me until I got here that the home that I was wishing and praying for wouldn't exist anymore. Everyone moved on without me... And I guess...I guess that I moved on without them too. I don't fit anymore, Joey. The boy I was the was a part of this place as it used to be...But who I am now? What this place is now? We don't match. Maybe we never will. That's why I'm not sure if I'm happy to be home."

"Pacey, I've never truly felt at home here. Not in the town as a whole. But the people, that's where you'll find your home. Mine is Bessie and Bodie and Alexander. Dawson, Jen, Andie and Jack. And you Pacey. You're part of my home now...In a way you always have been. Don't take that away again."

Pacey looked at Joey, tears shining in his eyes. "I wish I could feel that with my family, Jo. I wish that so much! You're the only one that I feel that with right now. The only one that I feel at home with. If it weren't for you, I'd feel so alone." Pacey looked down at his hands. "Don't ever leave, Jo. I don't think..."

"Pacey," Joey said softly.

Pacey looked up at her. "I don't think that I could survive if you ever left."

"I'm not going to leave, Pace," Joey said simply. "Not unless you physically make me leave."

"Never happen," Pacey said seriously. "You can kick my ass."

Joey laughed. "Just remember that and we'll be fine."

"I could never forget," Pacey said with a grin. They sat down on the dock side by side and leaned against each other. They gazed up at the stars silently for a while, enjoying the quiet beauty of the night.

After a little while Joey turned to face Pacey. "So are you going to go with Dawson?" Joey asked softly. "I mean... He really wants to do this with you... And maybe... Maybe it'll help you guys reconnect. That fort... It's really the only thing in this town that belonged just to the two of you."

Pacey stared out at the water, a thoughtful look on his face. "I don't know," Pacey said softly. "I guess... I guess that I can handle that... If you think... If you think he'll still want to?"

"I'm sure he'll still want to," Joey said. A boyish grin spread across his face and Joey could help smiling back at him. She leaned against him again and he put his arm around her, hugging her to him.

They sat silently for a minute before Joey sighed and spoke again. "I think that we should probably go back inside. Dawson's probably worried."

Pacey sighed. "Yeah, I guess so." They started walking back to the house. "Do you think I ruined movie night?" Pacey asked, his voice sad.

Joey smiled at him and then winked. "Face it Pace. As long as we've known each other, you've always ruined movie night. Why try and stop the inevitable?"

"Hey!" Pacey exclaimed, a smile spreading across his face as some of the tension left him. "I seem to remember not being the only one to ruin movie night. You've done it a few times yourself."

Joey shrugged. "Not as often as you." She smiled and reached out her hand to him. He hesitated for a second before taking it gently in his.

"Thanks Jo," he said softly.

"Anytime, Pace," Joey said softly.

They reentered the house and went back upstairs, entering the room slowly. The others looked up as they entered and Dawson hit stop on the remote, muting the TV. "I'm sorry, Pacey," he said softly.

"You didn't do anything, really," Pacey said softly. "And if you still want to... I'd like to go camping."

Dawson smiled. "Really?" He asked hopefully. "Tomorrow night?"

"Sure," Pacey said. He looked around uncomfortably "So, how about that movie?"

Dawson nodded and put Men In Black back in the VCR. Pacey sat down by the bed uncertainly, his back stiff. Joey smiled at him and then hit the lights. She then sat in front of him and leaned back into his arms. Pacey smiled and felt himself relax. He leaned back against the bed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. No matter how wrong things might seem, this would always be right.


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:  
Honestly Okay?

Joey walked out the front door of the B&B and stopped short. Her face took on a look of tenderness and heartache as she looked down at the sleeping form resting on her steps. She took a step closer, her heart hurting at the boyish look of his face. He looked so peaceful. Nothing like the tortured young man that she was growing to love. More like the young man he might have been, if everything had gone differently.

She walked forward slowly and sat down on the steps next to him. She watched him for a minute before reaching out her hand and brushing the hair off his forehead. "Pace?" She said softly.

He woke slowly, his eyelids fluttering sleepily, but when he realized where he was he shot into a sitting position. He glanced at her, embarrassed. "Sorry," he muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"It's all right," Joey said, smiling at him. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Pacey looked uncertain. "I don't know," he said softly. "Fear?"

"Of what?" Joey asked, concerned.

"Today is the first time that my parents will be sitting in on a therapy session," Pacey said softly. "What if...What if they don't like what they hear?...What if I've changed so much that they don't even want to know me anymore?"

"That's not possible," Joey said, placing her hand on his arm reassuringly.

"Why?" Pacey asked. "I have changed. You must see that."

"Not as much as you think that you have."

"Maybe," Pacey said softly. "But more than everyone else thinks I have…"

_I just want to feel safe in my own skin,  
I just want to be happy again  
I just want to feel deep in my own world  
But I'm so lonely  
I don't even want to be with myself anymore_  
  
"You're parents love you Pacey. They do. And nothing that happened is going to change that. You went through something terrible, but no matter what she did, she couldn't change you. Not completely. You are still Pacey Witter. Nothing can take that away from you."

Pacey laughed bitterly. "I wish I could be so sure," he said. "But I'm not. Everything she did, all those horrible things, they're part of me now...and that scares me more than I can say."

"Pace..."

_On a different day,  
if I was safe in my own skin,  
then I wouldn't feel lost and  
so frightened_

"I'm terrified," Pacey said. "I just feel... I feel so different Jo. What if those years changed me into someone who just isn't worth all of this...What if Mama Sal ruined me, Jo? What if she ruined everything worthwhile about me?"

"Not possible," Joey said.  
  
"Jo..."

_But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin  
And I'm so lonely  
I don't even want to be with myself anymore  
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,  
I just want to be happy again._

"No. I refuse to listen to that Pacey. She did not ruin you. You are one of the kindest, sweetest, bravest people that I have ever met. You are one of the most worthwhile human beings on this planet. Nothing that she did changed that. She didn't ruin you Pacey. She can't, not unless you let her."

"You know, when you say that, I almost believe it."

"You should," Joey said with a smile.

_And I'm so lonely  
I don't even want to be with myself anymore  
And I'm so lonely  
I don't even want to be with myself anymore  
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,  
I just want to be happy again._  
  
"I just... I just wish that I could go back, you know. I wish that I could undo everything that was done. All I want...All I want is to be happy..."

"Oh Pace," Joey said, her eyes filling with tears at the pain that was imbued in every word. "I wish that too, but you know what? Who you are isn't such a bad person to be." Pacey just smiled at her uncertainly, not sure of what to say. "Let's go inside and get some breakfast and then I'll walk you to Dr. David's office. What do you say?"

Pacey was silent for a moment and then he smiled softly. "Sounds good," he said. They got to their feet and walked into the B&B hand-in-hand.

LATER

Pacey walked tentatively into David's office. As he had expected, his parents were already there...and they looked worried. "Hey," he said softly.

His parents looked at each other. "Where...where did you go?" Mrs. Witter asked. "We were worried."

"I'm sorry," Pacey said.

"You can't keep doing that Pacey," Mr. Witter said. "When your mother walked into your room and you weren't there..." He paused. "She was very worried, son."

"I'm sorry," Pacey said again. "I just..." He looked down at his hands. "I was scared..." He said, his voice a whisper.

"Scared of what?" David asked.

"Today," Pacey said. He turned his attention to David, relieved to be able to turn away from the searching eyes of his parents. "I... I was scared of what they would think of me...after today."

"Where did you go?" Mrs. Witter asked, studying her son's face carefully. She hated this. She hated that even though they had him back, he still felt a hundred miles away.

A blush colored Pacey's cheeks. "I...uh...I went to see Joey," he said, not looking at anyone.

"To talk to her about why you were scared?" David asked. Pacey nodded. "Did that help?"

Pacey nodded again. "Yeah, she told me that my parents loved me and that no matter what had happened, what she had done, what I had done, that that wouldn't change...That I hadn't been changed beyond repair." He looked up, a faint smile lighting his face. "She said that who I am isn't such a bad person to be."

"She's right," Mrs. Witter said, fighting to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I hope you believed her Pacey, because she was right. Your father and I love you. Nothing will stop that Pacey. I swear."

"But..." Pacey started, but he stopped, not sure if he could say what he was thinking.

"But what?" Mr. Witter asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.

Pacey looked at David, an uncertain look on his face. David nodded encouragingly.

"If that's true," Pacey started slowly. "If that's true then... then why didn't you guys want me back? She said she offered and... and you didn't even try. Was I that bad? I...I'm sorry for letting them take me. For not fighting harder..."

The Witter's looked stricken. "It wasn't your fault, Pacey," Mr. Witter said, his voice catching.

"Then why didn't you want me back? Why...why didn't you do what they asked and get me back? Why did you leave me with them? Why didn't you want me anymore?"

"We never had the chance to get you back," Mrs. Witter said, tears shining in her eyes. "I swear baby. She only called once and that was to tell us that if we ever saw you again, you'd hate us. Don't hate us Pacey. Please. We did everything. Everything that we could to get you back. I swear."

"Really?" Pacey asked, tears filling his eyes. Wanting to believe them. Needing to believe them. "I...Really?"

"Oh Pace," Mr. Witter said. "I promise you that if she had offered we would have done anything that she asked. Anything in the world to get you back. And we tried. We looked everywhere that we could think of. We did everything that we could...and it wasn't enough. We failed you and I'm so sorry for that. I'm so sorry Pacey."

A sob broke from Pacey's throat. "Why Dad? Why did she do this to me? To us? I don't understand. I don't understand why this happened. And I need to. I need to understand, Dad!"

Mr. Witter reached up and wiped a tear from his cheek. "It's all my fault," he said softly. "She hated me, not you. Sally Anderson believes deeply in an eye for an eye. I arrested her son and he died in prison. She blamed me, so she took my son from me... and I never even knew that it was her. I don't know how to make this up to you Pacey, but I'll try."

Pacey looked at his father, unsure of what to say. There were all kinds of new thoughts racing through his head and he was having a hard time sorting through them. "I..." He started. He turned to David. "Dr. D? I need to..." He bit his lip. "Please?"

David nodded. "All right. Go ahead." Pacey turned and headed for the door. David shook his head as Mrs. Witter looked like she would try and stop him. "He has a lot to think about," David said after Pacey had left the room. "The session went well. He wants to believe you. That's very promising. It gives me a lot of hope for our future sessions."

"Really?" Mrs. Witter asked hopefully.

"Really," David said with a smile. "You're going to get your son back, Mrs. Witter. He might not be the eleven year old that you lost, but he'll be yours again. It's just going to take some time."

LATER AT THE WITTER'S

Pacey was pacing. He didn't know how to deal with all the new information. He didn't know how to believe everything that his parents were telling him. He knew that they were much better sources than Mama Sal, but after six years with her, it was hard to go back. It was hard to believe anything anyone said.

Pacey stopped his erratic movement as someone rang the bell. He took a deep breath and then went and opened the door. "Jo!" He said surprised.

_The world is a vampire, sent to drain  
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames  
And what do I get for my pain?  
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game_

"Hey Pace," Joey said, walking into the house. "I just wanted..." She stopped as she got a good look at him. "Are you okay?" She asked, concerned. "Did something happen?"

Pacey sighed. "Nothing earth shattering," he said. He couldn't keep still. He lead her into the living room and waved that she could sit before he began to pace again.

"Are you sure that you're okay," Joey asked.

_Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold-like old job  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage_  
  
Pacey let out another breath. "I will be. I just need to think. I...I can't get it all clear!" He stalked over to the TV and flipped it on, needing some external noise to counteract the noise in his head. He then continued to pace around the room.

Joey sat down tentatively and watched him. She didn't know what to say that would help. She only knew that she wanted to be there in case he needed her.

_Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal  
But can you fake it, for just one more show?  
And what do you want, I want to change  
And what have you got when you feel the same_  
  
Pacey moved silently around the room, his movements jerky. "I just don't know what to think," he suddenly burst out. "I don't...I can't..." A frustrated sound escaped from his lips. "I just don't know what to think anymore."

Joey got to her feet. "Pace, you just need to breath, okay? What happened? Why are you so upset?"

Pacey turned to face the wall and took another deep breath, trying to calm himself. He then turned to face Joey. "I just don't know how to separate reality from fiction anymore. I can't. I just..." He stopped as something on the television screen caught his attention.

_Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold-like old job  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage_

"What the..." He muttered stepping closer to the TV.

"Pace?" Joey questioned, turning to follow his gaze. She sucked in her breath at the figure on the screen. "Pace?" she said again.

Pacey ignored her. He was glaring at the screen, hating the fact that his heart raced with fear just at the sight of her. Sometimes he wished that he had shot her when he had the chance. Not that that really would have helped how he was feeling now...well, maybe a little...

_Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold-like old job  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage_

He turned up the sound a little, listening as the reporter spoke. "Sally Anderson, known to her followers as Mama Sal, was arraigned earlier today on bank robbing charges in Penobscot County Maine. After she faces trial there, she will be extradited to Massachusetts, where she will face kidnapping charges. When asked about the charges facing her in Massachusetts, she had the following to say..."

"That boy ain't worth all this trouble, I tell ya. A bad seed that one. His parents don't want him. They just gotta take him back, otherwise it'd look bad." She turned her head and looked at the screen, an evil grin lighting her face. "You know that, don't you Sonny boy?"

_Tell me I'm the only one  
Tell me there's no other one  
Jesus was an only son  
Tell me I'm the chosen one  
Jesus was an only son for you_  
  
A guttural scream broke from Pacey's throat as he seized the television and heaved it against the wall. Joey flinched at the crash it made as it slammed into the wall, her eyes widening in fear.

"I hate you!" Pacey screamed. "You ruined my life!" He seized the table that the TV had been sitting on and knocked it over. "Why? Why did you do this to me?" There was a table next to the couch that had a vase of flowers and some picture on it. He cleared it with a single sweep of his arm, knocking the table to the floor after. "WHY?"

_Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold-like old job  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage_  
  
Pacey was breathing hard when he finally came down from the haze of anger that had filled him. He turned towards Joey and was horrified when she flinched at his movement. Joey felt instant remorse at the horror on his face. She hadn't meant to flinch. "Pace," she said softly.

But Pacey didn't hear her. He was trapped in his own world, far from her. All he could think about was the look on her face when he had turned to her. She had flinched. He had scared her so much that she had flinched away from him. He had scared her. She had been _afraid_ of him. _Afraid_ of _him_.

_Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold-like old job  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage_

"I gotta go," Pacey said. He turned and ran for the door, every instinct in him telling him that he had to get away from her, for her safety...and for his own...

"Pacey!" Joey called starting after him.

"No, I have to meet Dawson," Pacey said, barely slowing. "I'll see you later Jo."

"Pacey!" But it was too late, he was already gone. Joey slumped against the wall and let the tears come. That had not gone well. He was running now. From himself, and from her. "No, Damn it!" She exclaimed, pushing herself upright and heading for the door. She wasn't going to let him run away from her. Not now, not ever.

_Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage  
And I still believe that I cannot be saved  
And I still believe that I cannot be saved  
And I still believe that I cannot be saved  
And I still believe that I cannot be saved_

"Pacey!" Joey cried, taking off after him at a dead run. "Pacey! Stop!" Pacey slowly came to a stop and turned to face her, both of them breathing hard. Joey wasn't prepared for the anguished look on his face and it hit her like a blow to the stomach. "Pacey..." She said softly.

"You were afraid of me," Pacey said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I scared you."

"Yes," Joey said softly. "You scared me, but I wasn't afraid of you. I was afraid for you."

"No," Pacey said, shaking his head. His voice broke. "I could see it. You were afraid of me. You thought that I was going to hurt you."

"No," Joey said. "Never. I know that you would never hurt me Pace. I know that you would never willingly do anything to hurt me."

"You do?" Pacey asked doubtfully. "'Cause, you know, I wasn't so sure." His voice broke again and he collapsed to his knees, sobs shaking his body. "I wasn't so sure, Jo. I couldn't control it. I couldn't... Oh God, I never would have forgiven myself..." He looked up at her, an anguished cry breaking from his lips. "Jo." She rushed forward and dropped to her knees before him and he collapsed into her arms. "I'm sorry Jo. I'm so sorry!"

"Shh," Joey said, holding him tight and stroking his hair gently. "It's all right, Pacey. We'll figure something out, I promise."


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven:  
Aftershocks

"What are they going to say?" Pacey asked softly.

"Who?" Joey asked, her soft tone matching his. They were sitting crosslegged on the ground looking at each other. Joey refusing to do anything that might make him think that she was pulling away. Pacey terrified to move at all.

"My parents," Pacey said, his voice small, with a childlike aspect to it. "What am I going to tell them? How...How do I explain this?"

"Just tell them the truth, Pacey. They'll understand. I know they will."

Pacey started and looked down at his watch. "Dawson! I told him..."

"He'll understand if you want to cancel..." Joey started.

"No!" Pacey exclaimed. "I don't want..." He didn't want to tell anyone that something was wrong. He didn't want to seem any more different then he already did. "I want to go..." He looked back at his house. "I need to go. I can't...I can't go back in there, Jo. I can't look my parents in the face and tell them why..." He shuddered. "I just need to get out of here for a little while. The fort..." He paused. "I think that the fort will be good for me."

"You have to go back in sometime," Joey said softly.

"I know," Pacey said. "Just not...Not right now."

"You at least have to tell them what happened," Joey said. "If you don't, they'll be worried Pace."

Pacey nodded and looked down at his hands. "I...I know." He looked over at her hopefully. "I...I'll leave them a note?" He said. "I have to go in and get my camping stuff anyway."

Joey nodded, knowing that the note in itself was a victory. She also knew that no matter what it said, it wouldn't make his parents worry less. She sighed softly. She would tell them what happened. "Let's go in and get your stuff," she said softly. "And then I'll walk you to Dawson's."

Pacey nodded and got to his feet, offering her his hand. She took it and stood, but held on tight when he went to let go. She wouldn't let him move away. Not even that little bit.

He looked over at her, his eyes shining with something that she had yet to define. "Thank you," he said softly.

Joey smiled softly, knowing what it was that he was thanking her for. "Your welcome," she said. They turned towards Pacey's house and walked towards it, hand-in-hand.

A While Later  
Police Station

Joey walked into the police station and looked around uncertainly. She wasn't sure how to go about this. Pacey's family had always made her a little nervous. Maybe Doug would be there. At least he'd be easier to talk to than Mr. Witter.

"Can I help you?" An officer sitting at the desk in the entryway said. He looked vaguely familiar to Joey. What was his name? Hinkley? Something like that.

"Uh, yeah," Joey said. "Is Sheriff Witter here? Or Doug Witter?"

"The Sheriff just went home," Hinkley said. "But I'll find Doug for you. Just a minute." He turned around in his seat, and yelled to one of the other men. "Hey Harvey! Where'd Doug go?"

"He's in the Sheriff's office. He's doing something for him or something."

"Thanks." Hinkley turned back to Joey. "It's that door right down there," he said, pointing. "Go ahead. Just knock."

Joey nodded uncertainly and then walked forward tentatively. When she got to the door, she reached out and knocked on it softly.

"Come in," Doug said, his voice slightly strained.

Joey cracked the door and peaked in. "Doug?" She said.

Doug's head popped up. "Joey? What are you doing here? Have you heard from Pacey? Is he all right? Do you know what happened?"  
  
Joey sighed and stepped into the room. "Someone's been home already?"

Doug nodded, motioning for her to close the door behind her. He didn't want his family business being spread around town more than it already was. "My mom. She called here in a panic. Dad went home to try and figure out what had happened...Do you know what happened?"

"I was there," Joey said softly.

"What...?" Doug started.

"Did you see the news today?" She asked, interrupting him. Doug shook his head. "He was already upset when I got there," she said. "Something had happened at the counseling session. He turned on the TV...And she was on the news."

"What?" Doug exclaimed. Damn news people. Always going for the ratings, never caring whose heads they messed with. "What did she say?" He asked, his voice cold with hatred.

Joey took a deep breath, tears filling her eyes at the thought of the pain that Mama Sal's words had caused Pacey. "She said...She said that Pacey wasn't worth the effort that everyone was putting into him...That your parents had only taken him back because it would have looked bad if they hadn't...It was bad Doug. It pushed him over the edge. He didn't know how to control the anger..."

"He scared you?" Doug asked softly.

"Not as much as he scared himself," Joey said. "But yeah. I thought he was going to hurt himself. And he..." She stopped.

"What?" Doug asked.

"He was scared that he would hurt me," Joey said softly.

Doug closed his eyes, his heart breaking for his little brother. When was this going to end? When was the pain going to go away? "Where is he?" Doug asked softly.

"He went out to the fort with Dawson. He couldn't stand to face your parents yet."

"They're not mad..." Doug started defensively.

"I know," Joey said. "But he is. And he's scared and confused and... and bent. I can't say broken. I refuse to think that he's broken, but he is bent. He doesn't know what to do or think or say. He's lost, Doug. He's so lost that it hurts me to see it. He wants to believe in your family so much that it's torture for him that he can't. And then he's mad at Mama Sal for taking his ability to trust away from him. There are so many feelings there that he doesn't know what to do with them all."

Doug didn't know what to say. All he knew was that his heart was breaking for his brother...and that he had never wanted to kill anyone more than he wanted to kill Sally Anderson at that moment. "Thank you for coming in," Doug said softly. "I really appreciate it." Joey nodded, smiling slightly "I'm going to call my parents..."

Joey nodded. "I'll see you later Doug."

"Bye Joey," Doug said. "And thanks again...for everything."

"It's been my pleasure," Joey said. She smiled softly at Doug before she turned and walked out the door.

"I'm glad," Doug said softly, watching her leave. He knew how much Joey meant to his brother and he was happy to see that Pacey meant just as much to her.

In The Woods

Pacey and Dawson hiked through the woods in uncomfortable silence at first. But soon they were talking about anything and everything. Nothing important, but at the same time, very important, because it was the first normal conversation that they had had since Pacey had returned to Capeside.

By the time they reached the fort, Pacey was feeling a lot more relaxed. Enough so that when he spoke, it was with the comfort and familiarity he would have had if the six years with Mama Sal had never happened. "Hey, there it is, D," Pacey said. "Our old fort. The fruit of an entire summer's labor. She's still standin'."

"You know, this is typical," Dawson said, looking at the fort.

Pacey walked into the fort. "Of what?" He asked.

"Of me," Dawson said. "I mean everything. I mean this fort, of everything we've seen today I remember as being bigger than life. But now it's just ordinary. Maybe my whole life has been ordinary.

Pacey exits the fort. "All this over an old fort? We were nine years old when we built this, Dawson. What did you expect, the Taj Mahal?" He looked around and then sighed. "I would have killed for ordinary," he said softly.

A stricken look crossed Dawson's face. "Pacey, I'm so..."

Pacey shook his head. "Stop right there," he said, holding up a hand. "You don't have to apologize Dawson. To be perfectly honest I'm getting really tired of people telling me that they're sorry. You don't have to edit yourself around me. You don't have to pretend that you don't feel what you feel just to spare me."

"All right," Dawson said softly. He looked around again. "Wanna set up camp?"

"Sure," Pacey said. He took another look at the fort and shook his head, laughing a little. It was a faint, humorless sound.

"What?" Dawson asked.

"It's just funny," Pacey said, starting to get some things out of his pack.

"What is?" Dawson asked, looking at him curiously.

Pacey turned and looked at his old friend, something Dawson couldn't identify shining in his eyes. "It's just...There were times... I'd think about home, about my family, about you and Jo, about places like this... and I'd wonder if it had all just been a dream. If my life here was just something I'd imagined. It was just... it was so bad there Dawson. It was...I couldn't believe anymore that I had ever been a part of something this... clean... this innocent, ya know." He looked back at the fort. "But it's still here, proof that I lived that life... and I can't help but wonder what that means."

"About what?" Dawson asked softly.

"About me," Pacey said. "I... Six years is a long time Dawson. A very, very long time. Longer still if you consider all the things that happened during that time. The boy who built this fort with you died a long time ago Dawson." Pacey bit his lip. "I wish I could get him back again," he whispered, shutting his eyes tightly. "I wish... I wish I could run through the woods with you and Jo like we used to, not worrying about anything. I wish I could feel like I did back then. So safe...Happy. Sometimes I think I'll never feel safe again... Never be happy... Not like I could have been..."

"Pace..." Dawson began, finally starting to understand what had happened to Pacey while he was gone... Finally starting to understand the person that he had become.

Pacey shook his head and smiled ruefully. "Naw, don't worry about it D. Can we just...Let's just forget that I said anything and set up camp, all right?"

"All right," Dawson said, not wanting to push. He felt like he had done enough pushing when it came to Pacey. They quickly set up camp and soon had a fire roaring, and a fine camp meal of beans and hot dogs cooking.

The spent a while discussing Capeside. Who had moved away. Who had come. Who was still there.

Pretending that everything was fine was becoming second nature to Pacey. He hated the fact that he could sit and calmly chat with Dawson as if he hadn't just destroyed his parents living room. "And the Oscar goes to..." He muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Dawson asked.

"Nothing," Pacey said, turning his attention back to his friend. "I didn't say anything."

Dawson took his denial in stride, moving right on to what he had been thinking about. "You know, I always looked at our adventures here as being like those old westerns. Living off the land..." He noticed Pacey's doubtful look. "What? You don't think that your life reflects a movie genre?"

"Sure it does," Pacey said slowly. "But there's no way that it's a Western."

"What do you think it is?" Dawson asked.

Pacey looked at Dawson uncertainly, wondering if his view of the world was something that he truly wanted to share with his overly optimistic friend. He sighed and decided that it would be better for both of them if he let Dawson into his mind a little. "The way I see it," Pacey said. "Is that horror movies are the most accurate portrayal of real life. I mean, think about it. They may kill the monster in the end, but their lives are still royally screwed up. All their friends are dead, and they live in constant fear that the monster will return like it inevitably does. The clear message being, life sucks and then you die. That's my reality Dawson. That's how I see the world."

Dawson was speechless. He didn't know how to react to a statement like that. More than that, he wondered what it was that had been done to Pacey to have given him such a bleak outlook on life.  
  
Pacey watched the emotions play across Dawson's face and sighed. "D, just so you know, my opinion on that is starting to change a little." Dawson looked at him hopefully. "I beginning to think that it might be a suspense instead...And that after another scare...or two, maybe, just maybe...the monster will be gone for good."

Dawson smiled. "I hope you're right," he said.

"Yeah," Pacey said. "So do I."

The Next Morning

"So are you glad you came?" Dawson asked as they hiked down the path towards home...and reality.

"Yeah," Pacey said slowly. "I am. It was nice to go somewhere that hasn't been touched by all of this...It was nice to get away."

"I'm glad," Dawson said. They came to a little store and went inside to grab a couple of drinks. Once they had paid, they went back outside to drink them. They were silent for a while, both of them had things on their minds. Pacey was thinking about what was going to happen when he went home. Dawson was thinking about all of the things that Pacey had said...and he was starting to worry.

"Pacey?" He said uncertainly.

"Yeah?" Pacey said.

"I've just been thinking...About you and Joey, you know? I just...She's special...and she's been through so much..."

"What are you trying to say, D?" Pacey asked warily, his mind returning to the afternoon before...to the look on Joey's face when he had turned to her...and she had flinched.

"Just be careful," Dawson said slowly. "You've been through a lot, and it...it's changed you. I just don't want..."

"You think I'd hurt her?" Pacey asked, a stricken look on his face.

"No," Dawson said quickly. "No, not at all, I just...I just want you to be careful, is all. Joey's...She's been through a lot. I just don't want to see her hurt." Dawson studied Pacey for a minute, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, as a bleak and distant look spread across his face. He had said the wrong thing and he knew that Joey wasn't going to thank him for it. "Pacey..." He started.

"No, I understand," Pacey said, a deadness in his eyes. Dawson shuddered, wondering just what it was that he had done to his friend with those few simple words. "I understand," Pacey said again. Understood that he was a danger to Joey, physically and emotionally. Understood that he was damaged goods. That he would never be the same again. Understood that he was wrong for her, that she didn't need the complication of having him in her life. He understood that. Heck, he was the first one to say it. Why, then, did it hurt so much when someone else said it?

"How was camping?" Pacey's eyes closed tight at the sound of her voice from behind him. He opened them again and saw Dawson look at her, an almost frightened look on his face. "Guys?" Joey asked uncertainly. He couldn't do this right now. He turned and walked rapidly away, not even raising his head to look at her. "Pace...?" She asked softly, her voice fading away.

He didn't turn, he just walked away, his shoulders slumped. Joey spun around and looked at Dawson accusingly. "Dawson! What the hell did you say to him? He wouldn't even look at me!"

"Uh oh," Dawson whispered softly to himself as he was met by Joey's angry gaze. "I...uh, I just told him to be careful. That...that I was worried about you and I didn't want to see you get hurt."

Joey studied him for a minute. "What else?"

"That he had been through so much and that the things that had happened to him had changed him..."

"Damnit Dawson!" Joey exclaimed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I'm worried about you!"

"Yeah, well so was Pacey. 'Cause all those things you just mentioned were the things that he and I have talked about. Do you have any idea what's going on in his head? I'm trying to convince him that he wasn't ruined by what happened to him. And you just destroyed that. God Dawson, do you have any idea what you just did to him?"

"Joey, I was just..."

"Yeah I know. You were looking out for me. You know what, I wish people would realize that I _can_ look out for myself."

"I'm sorry Jo," Dawson said, hanging his head.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," Joey said, turning her attention in the direction that Pacey had disappeared.

"Do you think he'll..."

Joey didn't look at him. She just sighed, gazing longingly after Pacey. "I think that you may have just ruined the best thing that has ever happened to either one of us Dawson. I think that he'll run...And I don't know if he'll ever let me close to him again."

"I'm so sorry..."

"I know," Joey said, but her voice was cold. "But I think...I think that I just need to go home right now. I'll see you around Dawson."

"Jo..." But she didn't stop. "Great," Dawson muttered, hitting himself smack on the forehead. "Send not one, but both of your best friends running from you like you have the plague. Great going, moron!" He look first in the direction that Pacey had gone and then in the direction that Joey had gone and wished desperately that he had never opened his big fat mouth.


	13. Chapter Twelve

****

Chapter Twelve:  
Remembered Pain

Joey couldn't tear her eyes away from him. He looked so lonely, so defeated, sitting by himself at the end of the dock. She had never wanted anything more that she wanted to go and sit with him. To keep him company...To be with him through the pain that would be filling his life for the next few weeks...

But she knew that he wouldn't let her. She knew that only too well. It had been over two weeks since the camping trip and he hadn't said more than hello to her since. She could still hear the panic in Mrs. Witter's voice when she had called and begged Joey to come over that first day. Joey, of course, had run straight there...Only to find that Mrs. Witter's call had been without Pacey's knowledge. The teary-eyed woman had met her at the door with a desperate look on her face. When she had begun to speak, her voice had trembled.

_"He came in, shut the door and he wouldn't talk. Do you think you could...?"_

Tears filled Joey's eyes and she wished desperately that it was yesterday, when she could have. "I can try," she said softly. "But I don't know if it will help."

"But..." Mrs. Witter said, something akin to terror spreading across her face. If Joey couldn't...

"Something happened," Joey said softly, interrupting. "Dawson was trying to look out for me...he said the wrong things and I think...I think that Pacey's running from me now...and I don't know...I don't know if I can catch him..."

"Oh Joey," Mrs. Witter said sadly, gazing at the girl in front of her with sympathy. She knew how painful it must be for Joey to have Pacey pulling away from her after they had become so close...and how painful it was going to be for Pacey... She sighed softly. This really couldn't have happened at a worse time. Pacey was going to need all the support that he could get...

"Is...Is there something else that's bothering you Mrs. Witter?" Joey asked softly.

"We got a call last night," Mrs. Witter said. "Since the kidnapping predates the crimes she committed in Maine...They're trying her here first. She faces the grand jury in a little over two weeks...Pacey has to testify...and soon."

And so there he was, on the last day before his testimony, sitting all alone at the end of the dock. All alone, when she should have been there to help him. To talk him through what he was feeling. To comfort him...

She turned as someone touched her lightly on the arm and her eyes met the worried gaze of one of her friends. "How is he?" Jen asked softly.

"I don't know," Joey said with a sigh. "He won't talk to me. He's..."

"Running," Jen said softly, finishing Joey's thought.

Joey nodded with a sigh. "I wish...I wish that I could do something to make this easier on him..." Her eyes filled with tears. "It's just...He so alone, Jen. Look at him." She pointed to where Pacey was sitting. "It hurts so much to see him like that and not be able to do anything..."

"Do you want me to...?" Jen looked at Joey meaningfully. "Maybe...maybe I can talk to him. Maybe he won't be threatened by someone that he can't hurt...and who doesn't have the power to hurt him..."

"Maybe," Joey said softly. She looked at Pacey uncertainly. She wanted so badly to be the one to help him...but the important thing was that he had someone. "It can't hurt to try...Just remember..."

"I could never forget," Jen said softly. "And you don't have to worry Joey. Neither will he..."

"Wha...?" Joey started, but Jen was already walking away. She shook her head slightly, not understanding exactly what her friend was saying...Or even what it was that she had been about to say.

On The Dock

"Hey Pacey," Jen said, coming to a stop a little ways behind him.

"You can tell her I'm okay," Pacey said, his voice barely audible above the sound of the water.

"Tell who?" Jen asked, her voice innocent.

Pacey looked at her for the first time. He just stared at her for a second, clearly not buying it. Jen gave in and sighed. "Well, if you'd just talk to her..." Pacey's expression darkened and he turned his attention back to the water. "Sorry," Jen said softly. He didn't say anything and Jen got the distinct impression that he was ignoring the fact that she was there. She sighed again. "I'll go..." She turned to leave, but stopped as Pacey spoke.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to her," Pacey said softly.

Jen turned back to him. "Then why...?"

"I'm scared," Pacey said, his voice small. "I'm just so damned scared."

Jen walked forward the last few steps and sat down next to Pacey on the dock. "What are you scared of?"

"That I'll hurt her," Pacey said, still refusing to look at Jen. "That I... I scared her Jen. She...She _flinched_. I would never be able to live with myself..."

"She doesn't think that you'll hurt her. She believes in you, Pacey."

"How can she?" Pacey asked. "How can she, when I can't?"

"Pacey, I don't think you'll hurt her either. It's not in your nature..."

"What if this is a case of nature vs. nurture...where nurture wins?"

"What do you mean?" Jen asked, confused.

"I was raised on pain and hatred Jen. It was all that I knew for six long years. What if all that's left of me is what I learned from _her_?"

Jen was at a loss for words. She knew that Joey would have had some idea what to say to that, but she had absolutely no idea. "I don't believe that," she said weakly, knowing that it would do little good. "I don't believe that Pacey, and neither should you."

Pacey shrugged. "Easier said then done," he said softly.

Jen was silent for a minute, She didn't know what to say to that, so she decided that it was time to try another tactic. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" She asked softly.

"I guess so," Pacey said with a sigh. "They've made me go over it enough times. I feel like what they want me to say is pretty much ingrained in my memory."

"What about what you want to say?"

"Doesn't seem to matter so much," Pacey said wryly. "They do seem to care...It's just that they just don't really want to know...Not everything..." He frowned slightly. Not that he blamed them. There were lots of things that he didn't want to know either. Things that he would gladly forget, if only he could.

"There's a lot, isn't there?" Jen asked, studying him carefully. "That you haven't told anyone?"

Pacey shrugged slightly. "It's just not so easy to talk about, you know? Especially with people who are essentially strangers..." And even harder with the people who weren't...

"What about...?" Jen asked, turning to look at where she had left Joey.

"No!" Pacey exclaimed, horrified at the very thought. He couldn't tell Joey everything that had happened to him. Everything that he had done. "I...I couldn't... Not..." He couldn't let her see the worst scars that marred his body and his spirit. Scars that were becoming harder and harder to hide...

"It would help," Jen said. "I... I went through a lot in New York before I was sent here...I did a lot and a lot of things were done to me. I know that it in no way compares to what you went through...but once I faced it...Once I talked about it, things got better. Maybe you should try."

"I am," Pacey said. "I really am, but sometimes I don't even know where to start."

Jen shrugged. "That's the easy part," she said. Pacey looked at her in surprise. "Start where every story starts. At the beginning."

Pacey laughed slightly. "You think that'll work?"

"If you have a place to start...well that's half the battle, isn't it?"

Pacey nodded. "That's for sure." He smiled slightly. "Thanks Jen."

"Any time, Pacey," Jen said.

Pacey was silent for a minute. "Tell me truthfully, Jen. How is she?"

"Not so great," Jen said honestly.

"Oh," Pacey said softly.

Jen studied him for a minute and then took a deep breath, deciding to take a chance. "I know that I don't know much about you Pacey, or about what happened to you, but I do know Joey. I know that she cares about you a lot. That she needs to be able to talk to you and see you, so that she can know that you're okay. And I know that this separation that you're imposing on the two of you is hurting her much more than anything else that you could do."

A cold mask slipped over Pacey's face as Jen's words ripped through him. He'd done the wrong thing again. But then, no matter what he did, it would always be wrong. It seemed like there was no course left for him that would be right. "Well, I asked," he said wryly.

"Pacey..." Jen started, but Pacey shook his head.

"I'd kind of like to be alone right now," Pacey said. "Please."

Jen was silent for a minute and then nodded. "Okay." She got to her feet and stood there for a moment. "Good luck tomorrow, Pacey. We'll all be thinking of you." She walked away slowly, wishing desperately that she could have been more help.

"Thanks Jen," Pacey said, knowing that his voice was too quiet for her to hear. He sighed softly. Each day was getting worse and he was beginning to wonder if any of this was worth it...He certainly knew that he wasn't.

NEXT DAY

Courthouse

Nothing could have prepared him for what it was like to see her again. For the nausea. For the fear. For the hatred. Every emotion that he had ever felt towards this woman rushed into him with a force that he wasn't prepared for. The flood continued until all that remained of him was a bundle of raw nerves and emotions.

He kept his feelings pretty well under control until she turned and looked at him, her face crinkling into a mocking smile that didn't reach her cold dark eyes. Pacey's eyes narrowed as she winked at him. Before he even knew what he was doing he was on his feet, flinging himself towards her. His eyes were dark with rage and his arms were reaching towards her, desperate to hurt her as much as she had hurt him.

He didn't really understand what was happening as his forward motion suddenly stopped. It took him a moment to realize that his father and David had grabbed him and were holding him back. He struggled against them, his mind consumed by his desire to destroy this woman in the way that she had destroyed him. When they wouldn't let him go, he turned his rage towards them.

"Let. Me. Go." He growled, glaring at his father.

"Not like that Pacey," Mr. Witter said softly. "She's not worth it. Let the courts take care of this. This would only hurt you more."

Pacey struggled for a few more moments and then seemed to deflate. His father was right. Attacking her wouldn't help anything. It could only make things worse. He was allowing his father to lead him back to his seat when his eyes met Mama Sal's. She gazed at him mockingly and then winked again. "Weak," she mouthed at him. "Always so weak, Sonny boy."

He was about to fly at her again, but his father and David were one step ahead of him. They already had him on the way towards the door, his mother following close behind them. It took them a little while, but they finally managed to wrestle him out into the hall.

Once he could no longer see Mama Sal the fight went out of him. He moved away from his parents and stood silently, his eyes cold with anger and hatred. Once David was sure that Pacey was content to stay in the hall, he spoke quietly to Mr. Witter and then went into the courtroom to talk to the prosecutor.

"Pacey?" Mr. Witter said. He sighed softly when Pacey didn't answer and decided not to say anything more. They waited in silence until David rejoined them.

"Pacey's testimony has been moved to tomorrow," David said, his voice somber. "Why don't we all go home and get some rest?"

Potter B&B

Joey paced up and down the floor anxiously. It was horrible, waiting. She glanced down at her watch and sighed in annoyance. It was only 5:27. Three more long agonizing minutes before the local news. She could barely believe where a few weeks had taken her. For the first time in her life she was anxious for the news to come on...And that hurt. It hurt because it was yet another reminder that Pacey was shutting her out of his life. She couldn't even call him to see how he was. Because he probably wouldn't talk to her, and even if he would, he wouldn't tell her the truth.

"Damnit Joey!" Bessie finally exclaimed. "Just turn on the damn TV and sit down! You're giving me a headache!"

Joey sighed again and then turned on the TV before flopping down on the couch. She chewed on her lip anxiously as Pacey's face filled the screen briefly before the female reporter began to speak.

"Today was the first day of testimony in the case of the State of Massachusetts Versus Sally Anderson. Under normal circumstances, testimony before the Grand Jury only takes a few hours, but the length of time young Pacey Witter was held prisoner by Sally Anderson, as well as his status as a minor, make this case anything but normal. The prosecution was hoping to finish in one day, but the situation was simply too painful for the young victim. He had to be escorted from the courtroom soon after coming face-to-face with his kidnapper once again. The prosecution presented the majority of their evidence this afternoon, leaving only Pacey Witter's testimony for tomorrow..."

"Oh Pace," Joey said softly, gazing sadly as the news showed video of Pacey being led from the courthouse by his parents, a look of such pain and anger on his face...

"Joey?" Bessie questioned softly, hearing the agonized note to her sister's voice. "Are you okay?"

Joey shook her head. "Not really. Look at him Bess. He needs someone and I...I..."  
  
"You want it to be you?" Bessie asked. He voice wasn't judgmental, just questioning.

"I need it to be me," Joey said, wiping tears from her cheeks. "Because that's the only way that I can be sure that he's all right." She stared at the screen until Pacey's image faded away. "Where are you Pace?" She whispered. "And why aren't you here, letting me help you...?"

Pacey had been walking for a long time. There was nothing else that he could do. If he were to try and stand still he knew that he would go crazy. He sighed softly, wishing more than anything that he could talk to Joey. Needing to talk to Joey. Needing to talk to someone.

Pacey stopped as the front door of a house came within sight. He hadn't even been paying attention to where he was going, but now that he was here it seemed like it was meant to be. He had to talk to someone and after everything that had happened, she was the obvious choice. Pacey took a deep breath and approached her front door tentatively. The door opened even as he reached out his hand to knock. "Hey," he said uncertainly, seeing the surprised look on her face.

"Pacey!" She exclaimed in surprise. She looked at him more carefully and noticed how drawn his face looked. "Are you okay? Do you want to come in?"

"You were going out...?"

"It's not important," she said waving her hand dismissively. "Come in. We'll talk."

He looked at her uncertainly for a moment before a small smile spread across his face. "Thanks Jen," he said faintly. He stepped forward and followed her into the house.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen:  
Sweet Surrender

"Sit down," Jen said, gesturing to the couch. "How're you doing?"

Pacey sat down and Jen joined him. "Not so well," he said softly.

Jen was silent for a minute, waiting for him to speak. When he didn't, she looked at him questioningly. "Why? What happened?"

"It was just..." Pacey sighed. He didn't know what to say...where to start...Or even if he truly wanted to talk... "I don't know where to start..."

"Haven't we already talked about that?" Jen asked, smiling at him gently.

"The beginning," Pacey said, nodding slightly. "But what if I don't know what that is?"

"You had a bad day in court," Jen said simply.

"Well, if you put it that way," Pacey said. He smiled wryly at her, then sighed in annoyance. "I had a bad day in court."

"And?" Jen prompted.

"Mama Sal is a bitch."

"You're very good at expressing yourself," Jen said with a small smile. "Anything to say that isn't painfully obvious?"

"Tons," Pacey said with a sigh. "I just..." He groaned in frustration. "I need to talk, I _want_ to talk, but I can't seem to say anything that means anything! Why can't I talk this out?"

"Because it's not me that you want to talk to," Jen said softly.

Pacey sighed. "But I can't talk to her Jen. I won't."

"Why not Pacey? You need her, she needs you..."

"I just can't Jen!" Pacey exclaimed. "Don't..." He took a deep breath. "Please don't push me on that one Jen. I can't..."

"I'm sorry," Jen said softly. "I don't want to push you Pacey. I just want to help you."

"I know," Pacey said. "And I appreciate that, but I think..."

"You don't trust me..."

"Don't take it personally," Pacey said softly. "I can count the number of people I trust on one hand. And you come pretty close for someone I barely know..."

Jen nodded. "I understand Pacey..."

"Look, thanks for talking to me, but I've gotta go. Okay?"

"Yeah Pacey," Jen said, smiling slightly. "I understand. Anytime, okay? I mean that."

"Thanks," Pacey said, smiling slightly.

Jen walked him to the door. "I'll see you later Pace. Good luck."

"Later," Pacey said. He stepped out the door and waited for it to close behind him before taking a deep shuddering breath.

"Pacey."

He looked up and saw Dawson walking towards him uncertainly. "Hey Dawson," he said softly.  
  
"I've been trying to get in touch with you..."

"I've been kinda busy," Pacey said, inching away. "Look, I gotta get going..."

"This will just take a minute Pacey."

Pacey sighed. "What?"

"I just... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what I said," Dawson said. "I was completely out of line."  
  
Pacey looked at Dawson for a minute before a small smile spread across his face. "She ripped you a new one, huh?" Dawson nodded. Pacey laughed slightly. "Don't worry about it, D. You were right. I would have hurt her."

"No, I wasn't right, Pace," Dawson said, shaking his head. "I wasn't even close, because people hurt the people they love everyday. Over big things. Over small things or nothing at all. Whether they mean to or not. That's just the way it is. I can't protect Joey from that and neither can you. We can only do our best not to hurt her like we are right now. You by pulling away from her and me by being the one that made you pull away."

"Dawson..."

"Just think about that Pacey. There are risks in every relationship... But they're worth it..."

"I'm not," Pacey said softly.

"Joey thinks you are," Dawson said. "And it's her decision to make. She has a right to make it."

"I can't do this right now Dawson..."

"Pacey..."

"No," Pacey said, shaking his head. "I can't think about this right now. I'll see you later." He didn't wait for Dawson to reply, he just took off at a run.

Dawson watched as Pacey ran off into the night and sighed. "I hope you listened Pace, cause this time, I'm right... She needs you as much as you need her. Let her help you."

NEXT DAY  
COURTHOUSE

Pacey stood as far from the other people in the room as possible. He was trying to get control of himself... He wasn't getting very far. Finally he gave up and just listened to the DA, Mr. Caldwell. 'Your testimony is very important to the case, blah, blah, blah. We need you to remain focused, blah, blah, blah...' Finally he asked Pacey a direct question.

"The judge has decided to question you herself. Is that okay with you?"

"Whatever," Pacey said with a shrug. Like it mattered who was asking the questions. The answers wouldn't change. "I just want to get this over with."

"It shouldn't take long," Mr. Caldwell said. "It's only the preliminary... And there's already enough to send this before the Grand Jury."

"Then why does he have to testify at all?" Mrs. Witter asked. She watched Pacey run his hand over the scar at his hairline. It was habit that she had noticed more and more lately. Whenever he was nervous or upset, he would run his fingers over it... It worried her...

"Because, without his testimony, a lot of the evidence is circumstantial. He gives it weight. We've told the judge what happened to Pacey, now she wants to hear it from him. There are many things that only he knows."

"Will he have to testify in front of the Grand Jury too?" Mr. Witter said.

"If they call him in, but nothing's definite."

"Can we just get this over with?" Pacey asked, a sick feeling in his stomach. When he had imagined testifying against Mama Sal, he had never thought that he would have to do it three times. Once would be more then he could handle...

"Sure," Mr. Caldwell said, looking down at his watch. "It's time to go in anyway." He walked over to the door and opened it, ushering the others out ahead of him. They entered the courtroom to find that Mama Sal was already seated next to her attorney, Peter Samson. Pacey took a deep breath, and sat behind the prosecutor.

"All rise," the bailiff said. Everyone stood as the judge came in. She made her way to the bench and faced the courtroom.

"You may be seated." When everyone had returned to their seats she turned to Mr. Caldwell. "Is your final witness ready to testify?"

"Yes, your honor," Mr. Caldwell said, standing. "The State calls Pacey Witter to the stand."

Pacey took a deep breath and stood. He walked to the front of the courtroom and he could feel her eyes on him, mocking him. It made his skin crawl, but he ignored her. He could do this! He would do this!

He stopped before the Bailiff and placed his hand on the bible. "Please raise your right hand." Pacey raised his right hand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?"

"I do," Pacey said.

"You may be seated."

Pacey took his seat in the witness stand and looked up at the judge, waiting for her to speak.

"I decided that it would be best for everyone if I conducted the questioning at this point in the legal process," Judge Williams said. "And both the prosecution and the defense have agreed. Do you have a problem with that Pacey?"

"No ma'am," Pacey said.

"How old are you Pacey?"

"I'm seventeen."

"And you have recently been returned to your parents after how many years?"

"A little over six," Pacey said.

"And during those six years you were being held against your will, correct?"

"Correct," Pacey said.

"Can you tell us who it was that was holding you?"

"Mama Sal...Uh, Sally Anderson." Pacey pointed in the direction of Mama Sal, but didn't look at her. The judge noticed and wondered just what had been done to him. She decided that she wanted to find out.

"Strictly speaking, that's all I need to know," Judge Williams said. "But I'd like to question you in more detail. Is that all right?" Pacey looked at his parents uncertainly before shrugging and nodding. They would hear it eventually... "What happened to you on January 21, 1994 when you were ten years old? Please describe it to us in detail."

Pacey took a deep breath. "I walked most of the way home from school with Joey and Dawson... Josephine Potter and Dawson Leery, my two best friends. We split up when we hit the corner of Oaks and Main. They went one way and I went another..." He paused.

"What happened then?" Judge Williams prompted.

"This car pulled up next to me... I turned to look, thinking that it was my dad in his patrol car or something... But it wasn't... Some guy jumped out of the car and grabbed me... I tried to fight him off, but..." Pacey paused, swallowing hard. "I lost my backpack when he tossed me into the car. I just kept screaming... My dad had always told me that if someone tried to make me go with them, I should make as much noise as possible... draw attention to myself..." Pacey stopped. It was so hard to get the words out. "The last thing I saw before the guy who grabbed me knocked me out was her face." He nodded in the direction of Mama Sal.

"You say a man knocked you out? Please describe how he did that."

Pacey looked up at the judge. "He hit me... I don't know what with, but it was heavy..." Pacey heard his mother gasp, but he didn't look at her... He couldn't.

"What's the next thing you remember?"

"When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. Some basement. I still don't know where we were at that point. She was the first thing I saw. She was smiling...This horrible smile. I asked her who she was. What she wanted." Pacey took a deep breath. "She told me that I could call her Mama, cause she was the only mother I was going to have from then on." Pacey looked down at his hands, fighting back tears. "I just wanted to go home. I...I told her that...and she laughed..."

_"What home, Sonny boy? You're parents don't want you. We already tried that. Guess you're not worth the ten thousand we asked your parents for. You're stuck here... and you'd better believe that you're going to earn us every bit of that money... I'm gonna make sure of it."_

The judge nodded, struggling to keep steady and impartial... It was just that when he looked at her like that, his eyes welling with tears...

"She got every dime," Pacey said softly. "But not in money... She enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed what?" Judge Williams said softly.

"Watching them hurt me," Pacey said bitterly. "Watching me suffer." He looked up at her again, his eyes filled with pain and horror. "They used me as a punching bag... But it got to the point where I actually preferred that to the other things that they would do... It was a _game_," he said, spitting out the last word. "They _enjoyed_ it. They used me as a damn ashtray!" He pulled up his sleeve. "Look," he said, pointing to the small circular scars that stood out on his arms. "Look!"

"Pacey," Judge Williams said soothingly.

But Pacey was beyond soothing. He was already lost in the past and the pain. "But that wasn't even the worst," he said softly. "I... I... Nothing hurt as much... as much as what she did to Meg... _She_ made me watch as they beat and killed her. Meg tried to save me and her reward was the most painful death imaginable! I'll never forgive myself for that! She deserved so much more..." Pacey reached up and traced the scar that lined his hairline with his finger. It had happened that day... "I was eleven..."

"How did you get that?" Judge Williams asked, her voice carefully controlled.

"Oh," Pacey said, dropping his hand to his side. "Rifle butt," he said simply. "For talking back."  
  
"How often did she have men hit you?"

"Whenever I didn't do what she wanted me to," Pacey said bitterly. "And I just hated doing what she wanted me to."

"With their fists? Guns?"

"Fists, guns, chairs, belts," Pacey said. "I could show you some other scars... I have plenty. The belt ones on my back are especially lovely. Or, how about this one." He pulled back his other sleeve. There was a painful looking scar near his elbow. "Bobby pushed me down the stairs. The bone popped right out of my skin... They had to take me to a doctor for that one... Or this one," he pulled his collar back to reveal a puckered scar on his shoulder. "A knife. One of the men got a little overzealous. He paid for it, but ironically, that didn't make me feel any better." He looked up at her again, his gaze almost challenging, and Judge Williams knew that he was just getting started. "There's a long list, Judge Williams. How much do you want to hear?"

"I've heard more than enough for what I need to do," Judge Williams said gently. She knew that they had barely scratched the surface, but it wasn't her job to try this case. Pacey had been through enough, He didn't need her to make him relive any more of what had happened. "Why don't you go sit with you parents."

Pacey nodded, getting to his feet. As he stepped down from the witness stand, he finally allowed himself to look at his parents. His mother was sobbing as quietly as she could manage. His father was holding her and... he was crying. Pacey felt shock race through him. His father was crying. He had never imagined his father crying.

"Mr. Caldwell?" Judge Williams said.

Mr. Caldwell stood. "Due to the extreme nature of these crimes and her flight risk, I'd like to request that the defendant be held without bail."

Mr. Samson stood. "Your Honor, asking for..."

Judge Williams held up her hand, shaking her head. "It's up to a jury of her peers to decide whether or not she's guilty, but I'm going to make sure that she's there to face them. No bail, Mr. Samson. This will go before the Grand Jury on Monday." She banged her gavel, silencing his protest.

Pacey watched as Mama Sal was led from the courtroom and then allowed his parents to move him out the door. He didn't really look at them until they reached the front steps... and what he saw hurt. So much pain. Their pain, his pain... He had hurt them today, with what he had said. He hated that... He didn't know how to handle that...

"I need to go for a walk," he said softly, not meeting their eyes.

Mrs. Witter felt him drawing away and wanted to reach out and grab him. Hold him tight so that he wouldn't run away from her... But she knew that would just make him run faster. "Okay," she said softly. "Call if you're going to be late." Pacey nodded, still unable to look at them. "We love you Pacey."

"Love you too," Pacey mumbled. He took off at a jog, unable to deal with the heightened emotions any longer. He needed to be alone...

Late That Night

Running can do wonders for a person's soul. Even if the solitude doesn't allow for clear thinking, the exhaustion can sometimes allow you to surrender to what you truly want. And Pacey had been running. He had been running for hours, physically and mentally... And all that he had gotten out of it was an overwhelming need to see Joey. So here he was, standing in front of her window, wondering what she would say if he managed to work up the courage to bang on the glass. Wondering if she would forgive him for pushing her away...

If she was willing to take the risk, wasn't that her right? Maybe Dawson was right... Maybe by trying to protect her, he was hurting her more than he would by letting her be close to him. He lowered his head to his hands. He didn't want to think anymore! He just needed her, and that was all he could comprehend right then. He reached out a hand and tapped lightly on the glass of the window.

_It doesn't mean much  
It doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I've left behind me  
Is a cold room  
I've crossed the last line  
From where I can't return  
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me  
And led me from my home  
And sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give_

You take me in  
No questions asked  
You strip away the ugliness  
That surrounds me  
Are you an angel?  
Am I already that gone?  
I only hope that I won't disappoint you  
When I'm down here on my knees  
Sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give  
Sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give  
  
And I don't understand  
How the touch of your hand  
I would be the first to fall  
I miss the little things  
Oh, I miss everything  
  
It doesn't mean much  
It doesn't mean anything at all  
The life I left behind me  
Is a cold room  
  
Sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give  
Sweet surrender  
Is all I have to give

Joey groped for her lightswitch, driven out of sleep by a persistent tapping on her window. She walked over to it and threw it open, her eyes widening in surprise as Pacey's head appeared. "Pacey?" She questioned softly.

"Hey Jo," Pacey said uncertainly. "Can I...Can I come in?"

"Sure," Joey said, stepping back so that he could come in the window. She didn't know why he was there, but she was happy that he had come to her. The past few weeks had been torture for her. Wanting to be there for him, but knowing that he didn't want her there. That he was afraid that he would hurt her.

Pacey stepped in through the window and stared at her uncertainly for a minute. He had finally allowed himself to stop thinking and just feel. And what he felt was that he needed to see her. He had never felt more alone then he had this past week without her. He didn't want to burden her, or put her in danger, but he needed her, more then he had ever needed anyone.

Joey studied him as he stood before her, so vulnerable. He looked fragile, as if a single harsh word could break him. She bit her lip and tears filled her eyes at the cautious way that he held himself, as if expecting anger or even for someone to hit him. "Are you okay Pace?" She asked softly.

The concern in her voice was all that it took to push him over the edge. A bone-jarring sob shook his body as he simply shook his head. "Oh Pace," Joey said softly, racing to his side. She led him over to the bed and sat crosslegged on it. He climbed up next to her and curled up beside her. He laid his head in her lap and just let the tears come.

Joey stroked his hair gently, comfortingly. She leaned her head close to his and whispered soothing words as he cried for all the years, all the pain, all the loss. Comforted him as the sobs shook his exhausted body. Held him as he gave into his exhaustion and slipped into a restless sleep.

Joey brushed the hair off his forehead and gazed down at his face, made boyish by sleep. She had never felt this way about anyone. She would do anything to help him, to comfort him, to protect him. His pain was almost physical for her.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead gently, feeling a not completely unpleasant ache in her heart. "I love you Pacey Witter," she whispered softly. She watched as he shifted slightly in his sleep and she sighed. "Now if only I could tell you that when you were awake, maybe we could get somewhere." She stroked his face gently and began to sing softly to him, hoping that her voice would reach him and keep the demons away...if only for tonight.

_I have a smile stretched from ear to ear  
I see you walking down the road  
We meet at the lights, I stare for a while  
The world around us disappears  
It's just you and me on my island of hope  
A breath between us could be miles  
Let me surround you, a sea to your shore  
Let me be the calm you seek  
  
But every time I'm close to you  
There's too much I can't say  
And you just walk away  
  
And I forgot to tell you  
I love you  
And night's too long  
And cold here  
Without you  
I grieve in my condition  
For I cannot find the words to say  
I need you so  
  
And every time I'm close to you  
There's too much I can't say  
And you just walk away  
  
And I forgot to tell you  
I love you  
And night's too long  
And cold here  
Without you  
I grieve in my condition  
For I cannot find the words to say  
I need you so_


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: To Make You Feel My Love

Joey sat quietly for a long time, just watching as Pacey slept, his head still in her lap. His movements had calmed and now he slept peacefully, his breathing steady and even, his face young and innocent. His scars faded in the quiet darkness.

Joey looked up as someone knocked lightly on the door. It cracked open and Bessie stuck her head in. "Jo..." She stopped when she saw Pacey lying on the bed.

Joey put a finger to her lips. Bessie nodded and gestured to the hall. Joey nodded in return, carefully lifting Pacey's head and slipping out from under him. She laid his head on the bed and watched as he began to move restlessly. A sound of protest broke from his lips, but he didn't wake up. She kissed her fingers and placed them gently on his forehead before quietly making her way to the door and slipping out into the hall, closing the door behind her.

Bessie smiled slightly at her sister. "I was just coming to ask if you had seen him. His parents called."

"He just got here a little while ago," Joey said. "I don't know what happened today, Bess, but..."

Bessie's face sobered. "From the sound of things it was pretty bad," she said softly. "The judge questioned him... He talked about a lot of things that happened. Things that he had never told anyone. Horrible things. That woman is a monster Joey."

Joey's eyes went to the door of her room, tears welling in her eyes. "How, Bessie? I mean Pacey... How could anyone hurt _Pacey_?"

"I don't know Joey... How is he?"

Joey shrugged. "He didn't really say anything... Not good... Can he... Can he stay here tonight?"

Bessie nodded slowly. "I'll call his parents."

"Thanks Bess," Joey said. She took a deep breath. "I'm just gonna..." She nodded towards her room.

Bessie nodded in understanding. "Go ahead. I'll check on you in a little while."

"Night Bess," Joey said. She opened her door and slipped back into her room, and wished instantly that she had never left. Pacey was moving restlessly on the bed, sounds of pure anguish breaking from his lips in short bursts.

Joey hurried to the bed and dropped to her knees by the bed. She stroked his hair comfortingly and spoke softly to him, trying to calm him. It was no use. He was far away, trapped in a nightmare that was all too familiar to him.  
  
_Pacey ran through the woods, a young woman a few paces ahead of him. "Come on Pacey!" She called. "Just a little bit further! We're almost there!"_

"Meg!" He called, hurrying to keep up with her. "I'm trying Meg! Wait for me."

"Don't worry Pacey!" She said, turning her lovely face towards him for a brief moment, and giving him a quick, reassuring smile. "I won't leave you. We're going to be okay. We're almost there."

"No!" Pacey moaned, shifting on the bed. "No!" A note of pure panic entered his voice, for this time the face he saw didn't belong to Meg. This time, the face was Joey's.

_Pacey doubled his efforts, racing after her. "Joey!" He cried. "Joey! Wait!"_

She turned and smiled at him. "It'll be all right Pacey. You're safe now. Everything's going to be fine."

Pacey moaned in fear, knowing somehow that it wasn't going to be fine. Nothing was ever fine. Everyone he loved could die here... But it hadn't happened yet. With Meg it had already happened... But with Joey... With Joey, maybe, just maybe, he could save her...

_Pacey pushed himself to his limit, trying desperately to catch up with Joey. To be there to protect her, but somehow, the faster he ran, the farther away she was. "Joey," he called desperately. She turned slowly towards him as a two figures stepped out of the shadows._

"JOEY!" Pacey screamed as a man reached out and grabbed her, one arm around her waist, the other covering her mouth. Pacey cried out as her eyes widened in horror and fear... As her eyes begged him to save her.

The second figure turned towards Pacey, a mocking smile spreading slowly across her face. "Too late Sonny Boy," she cackled. She turned to the man and nodded.

He smiled in pleasure and brought a knife to Joey's neck. He raised his head slightly, meeting Pacey's eyes. Pacey shook his head in denial. "Larry?" He murmured, his eyes widening in horror, knowing deep down what was about to happen. "No!"

Larry winked slowly, his eyes sparkling like black diamonds. Then, in one swift motion, he slashed Joey throat.

"No!" Pacey screamed, throwing himself forward, his eyes never leaving Joey's face. He saw the life slowly fade from her eyes as she fell limp in Larry's arms. He made it to her side in time to catch her as Larry let her fall.

Pacey sank slowly to the ground. "No Jo!" He exclaimed, running his hands over her face, willing her to wake up. Willing her to be all right. "Oh God!" He murmured, looking down at his hands which were now covered with her blood. His eyes widened in horror and his gaze flew back to her face. Her eyes stared up at him blankly, a silent accusation. "I'm sorry Joey!" Pacey cried, his body convulsing in sobs as he pulled her close to his chest. "I'm so sorry! I never meant..."

"What you meant doesn't matter Sonny," Mama said, glaring down at him. Pacey slowly raised his head and met her gaze, his eyes filled with pain and hatred... Mama Sal just smiled. "You should have known that you couldn't get away from me. You'll never get away from me."

"NO!" Pacey screamed sitting up straight in bed.

"Pace," Joey said softly, placing her hand on his arm. Pacey turned to face her, sighing in relief at finding her next to him... and alive.

"Jo," he breathed, tears of relief... and of fear, filling his eyes. "Thank god..."

"What's wrong?" Joey asked. "What happened?"

Pacey shook his head. He couldn't form a coherent thought about the dream. There was no way that he'd be able to explain it.

"Pacey..." Joey said again, getting to her feet and sitting down next to him on the bed.

Pacey just shook his head again, and held out his arms to her. She moved closer to him without hesitation and wrapped her arms around him. She felt him shudder as she touched him and she moved even closer. "Pacey, tell me what's wrong!"

Joey's only answer was Pacey's muffled sob as he buried his head in her hair. Joey held him tighter as he began to shake. "I can't..."

"It's all right," Joey said softly, knowing that he would tell her if and when he could. Knowing that pushing would only make it worse. "You don't have to."

"I'm sorry," Pacey whispered.

"Shh," Joey murmured. She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eyes, smiling reassuringly at him. She cupped his face in her hands and gently kissed him on the forehead. "Why don't you just lay down again?"

Pacey looked at her uncertainly. "I don't think..." He didn't think he could sleep...

"I'll stay with you," Joey said softly. Pacey was still for a minute and then nodded. He allowed her to help him take his shoes off, and let her talk him into slipping under the covers.

"My parents," he said suddenly, remembering that he had promised to call..

"Bessie called them," Joey said, pulling the covers up over him.

Pacey nodded and let himself relax into the warmth and comfort of the bed. That had been his final protest. He was to tired to argue or move or even to think.

Joey crawled into bed next to him and turned off the light. She snuggled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He let out a soft sigh and relaxed the moment that she touched him. "Sleep," she said softly, resting a hand on his chest.

Pacey hugged her close to him and she felt him nod. "Thanks Potter," Pacey said softly, kissing her on the temple.

"Thank _you_," Joey said softly, snuggling closer. "I'm glad you're here."

Pacey closed his eyes and felt himself drift. His next words flowed from him without thought or prompting.

"I love you Jo."

He almost choked when he realized what he had said, but at the same time, it was the most natural thing that he had ever said. He held his breath as he waited for Joey's response.

Joey's eyes popped open, and a smile spread across her face even as tears filled her eyes. "I love you too Pace," she said softly, her voice reassuring.

Pacey let his breath out slowly. It was all right. He hadn't done the wrong thing. Maybe, now, after all this time, he had finally done something right. He rested his head against hers, feeling more safe and secure then he had in years.

Joey stayed awake until she was sure that Pacey was asleep, then she let herself drift off. She didn't know what would happen in the morning, but right now all that mattered was that he was there...

_When the rain is blowing in your face  
and the whole world is on your case  
I would offer you a warm embrace  
to make you feel my love_

When evening shadows  
and the stars appear  
and there is no one there  
to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love  
  
I know you haven't made your  
mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment  
that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
No, there's nothing I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea  
Down the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing  
wild and free  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

Nothing that I wouldn't do  
Got to the ends of the earth for you  
I could make you happy, make your  
dreams come true  
To make you feel my love

The Next Morning

Waking like this was bliss, Pacey decided, as he looked down at Joey's peaceful face. Warm and safe with Joey in his arms. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well... It had been before he was kidnapped, that was for sure. He lay still, not wanting to disturb her and decided that he could watch her sleep for hours...

He smiled as her eyelids began to flutter, and then opened. "Mornin' Jo," he said softly.

Joey smiled up at him. "Mornin'," She said, hugging him close.

A feeling of warm peace filled Pacey's chest. "I don't ever want to get up," he said softly.

"Mmm, me either," Joey said, snuggling into him.

Pacey brought his hand to her cheek and touched her face gently. "It's almost like a dream," he said softly.

His words brought the night before back to Joey with a start. "What _do_ you dream about, Pacey?" She asked softly. The look on Pacey's face made her want to take back her words, but it was too late. Besides, the dream that he'd had the night before had been a doozy and she wanted to know what it was about. She wanted to be able to help him.

Pacey looked away from her, wishing that he hadn't said anything to remind her of the dream. "You don't want to know, Joey," he said, his eyes darkening with images of her death. Images totally separate from the kind of dream he had been speaking of.

"You can trust me, Pace," Joey said insistently. "I only want to help."

Pacey looked at her uncertainly for a minute and then sighed. "I dream about lots of things," Pacey said softly, sitting up in the bed. Joey sat up to, sitting crosslegged on the bed and facing him. "I dream about them. About things that happened." He paused for a minute. "I dream about you."

And not always in a good way. She could hear that in his voice. "What about me?" She asked softly. "Happy dreams?"

"Some of them..." Pacey said. "Some of them are happy."

"And the others?" Joey prompted.

Pacey looked at her uncertainly. "The others..." He stopped, shaking his head. "I...I can't."

"I get hurt?" Joey asked softly. Pacey nodded slightly. "By Mama Sal?"

"Sometimes," Pacey said faintly.

"By you?" Joey asked, her voice barely a whisper.

An unspeakable amount of pain filled Pacey's face and his eyes filled with tears... but he nodded.

"They're just dreams, Pacey," Joey said. "They're not real. The only time you've ever hurt me is when you wouldn't talk to me. When I couldn't see you. That hurt me so much, Pacey."

"It was the right thing to do," Pacey said determinedly.

"No it wasn't," Joey said. "I'm telling you right now, it wasn't the right thing to do. And you know something else? You're not going to separate yourself from me again. I won't allow it."

"I don't have the strength anymore," Pacey said softly. "I know that I should... I should do whatever it takes to keep you safe... but I can't anymore. I need you too much, Joey. I can't stand to do that to us anymore." He took a deep shuddering breath. "But I'm scared Jo. I'm so damn scared."

"You don't have to be so scared Pacey. I know it's easier to say that than to believe it... But it's the truth. You don't have to be so scared. We're going to be okay. _You're_ going to be okay. We just have to take it one day at a time."

Pacey closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "One day at a time," he said faintly. "I think I can do that."

Joey smiled at him. "Good," she said. "That's all I ask."

Pacey stared down at his hands silently for a few minutes. Finally he spoke again, not looking up. "I... I just... I have to tell you that... I meant what I said last night Jo." He looked up, his eyes shining with emotion. "I do love you. I couldn't have survived this long without you."

Joey smiled and laid a hand gently on his cheek. "And I meant what I said, Pace. I love you too. And that's why we're going to be okay."

Pacey reached out a hand hesitantly and ran his fingers through her hair. Joey closed her eyes at the gentle touch and leaned closer to him. Pacey sighed and gave in to the desire he had been fighting for weeks. He cupped her face in his hands and ever so gently brought his lips to hers.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen: By The Pricking Of My Thumbs

Joey didn't protest when Pacey pulled away, knowing that he needed this to move slowly. Knowing that, by any definition, they had made giant leaps already. She felt in her heart that he wouldn't turn her away again. He might move away slightly, or run a little, but he would come back. Knowing that, she was willing to take it slow.

Pacey just sat, looking at Joey for a few minutes. She sat just as silently, letting him reach whatever conclusion he was coming to on his own. There were no excuses this morning. No apologies and, best of all, no fear. A smile spread unconsciously across his face as he allowed himself to just be happy.

Joey smiled back at him, feeling joy leap in her chest. This was good. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a pounding on the door. "Up and at 'em you two!" Bessie called, banging on the door again for good measure.

Pacey and Joey just looked at each other for a moment before breaking into laughter. "We're up Bess!" Joey called back. She turned to Pacey. "Why don't you go ahead into the bathroom," She pointed to the door that connected her room to the downstairs bathroom. "And take a shower. I'll get some of Bodie's things from Bessie for you to wear."

Pacey nodded, smiling uncertainly at her. "Thanks Jo," he said, and Joey knew that it was for more than the clothes. For more than the night before.

"You're welcome," she said softly. She got up and slipped out the door into the hallway. She turned to head to the kitchen and ran directly into Bessie. "Geez Bess!" She exclaimed.

"How is he?" Bessie asked, ignoring the reproachful look on Joey's face.

"Okay," Joey said, allowing herself to smile. "He's... good." Bessie raised her eyebrows, but didn't say anything. "What?" Joey asked, puzzled by her sister's behavior.

"Well, it's just that it was awfully quiet in there before I knocked..."

"And?" Joey said with a smirk. Bessie looked at her meaningfully but Joey just gazed back at her questioningly.

Bessie sighed. "Fine," she said. "Breakfast will be ready in half an hour. Bodie's making pancakes."

"Cool," Joey said. "Can you get something of Bodie's for Pacey to wear?" She kissed her sister on the cheek. "Thanks." She turned and hurried back into her room, grabbing some clothes and hurrying upstairs to the other bathroom.

She showered and dressed in record time and hurried back down to the kitchen after quickly running a brush through her hair. She found Bodie finishing up the pancakes and Bessie setting the table, but there was no sign of Pacey.

"He's still in your room," Bessie said. "Why don't you go get him?"

Joey nodded and headed for her room. She opened the door without thought and entered the room silently, shutting the door behind her. Pacey was standing shirtless with his back to the door, looking out the window. Joey stopped short, her eyes drawn to the rippling muscles of his back. Muscles that rippled under scars that were far more horrible then she had allowed herself to imagine. Scars that crisscrossed his back, puckered and ugly... Painful. Pacey turned as a small gasp broke from her throat and stared at her, horror jumping into his eyes.

Joey saw the horror in his eyes and vaguely registered his muscular arms and washboard stomach. She knew where the muscles had come from. Pacey had told her of the long boring hours where he had nothing to do but run laps in his cell and do pushups and situps to pass the time... and to prepare himself for a fight that he knew loomed ahead of him. But he had never told her about the scars that marred the skin of his back and that's what her mind remained focused on. "Oh Pace," she said softly, unable to keep the pity from her face and voice. A dark cloud descended over Pacey and he quickly pulled on the t-shirt that Bessie had left for him. He grabbed his coat and pulled it on as he headed for the door. "Pacey?" Joey questioned uncertainly.

"I.. Uh... I... I can't..." He looked down at his feet. He couldn't stand that look... He couldn't stand to have her pity him.

"Pace..."

"I'm late," Pacey said shortly, picking the first thing that came to mind. "Dr. David... I'll see you later." And before Joey could say another word he had scooped up his shoes and was out the door.

"Pacey!" She called, hurrying after him. He stopped at the door to pull on his shoes. "Pacey!" Joey said again. He didn't look up. His entire focus was given to tying his shoes. "Damnit Pacey, talk to me!" Joey demanded.

Pacey paused in his movements for a moment but didn't look up. He hurriedly finished tying his shoes and then straightened. He glanced at her uncertainly, wincing at the fear in her gaze. "It'll be all right," he said, his voice as reassuring as he could make it. "I... uh... I just need... to think." That was all that he could make himself say. He turned and hurried out the door.

"Damnit!" Joey exclaimed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. "It'll be okay. He just... He just needs to think..." She shook her head and forced back the tears that were threatening. He wouldn't run away from her again. He'd be back.

ACROSS TOWN

David looked up as Pacey slipped silently into his office. The haunted look on the boy's face spoke volumes. "Pacey. I'm glad you're here."

"Hey Dr. D," Pacey said, his voice thin. "What's up?"

"First things first, how are you? I know that yesterday was a difficult day for you..."

Pacey laughed incredulously. That was the understatement of the century. "Yeah. Difficult."

"But you did well," David said.

"Yeah right," Pacey scoffed. "I lost it."

"You told the truth, and the truth is that you went through something unimaginable and survived. The judge saw that, but more importantly, she believed every word that you said. And I have to say that considering the kind of torture you were describing, it's amazing you stayed as calm as you did."

"So you think that... you think that even if I lose it like that in front of a jury... it won't ruin the case?"

"If anything, it'll help it Pacey. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Pacey nodded slightly and began studying his feet.

"Where did you go last night?" David asked gently.

"To see Jo," Pacey said, not looking up.

A smile spread across David's face. "Well that's the best news I've heard all week. How'd it go?"

"It was... She..." Pacey smiled suddenly. It was hard to describe how Joey made him feel.

"She makes you happy?"

Pacey shrugged slightly. "She makes me...safe. She makes me feel safe. And happy. Happy too, but that isn't... It's the safe thing that really gets me, ya know?" David nodded. "That warm feeling, like nothing can touch me as long as I'm with her."

"That's an amazing thing to have, you know Pacey? That safe warm feeling?"

Pacey nodded and then sighed. "I just wish it wasn't so tenuous."

"What do you mean?" David asked, his voice concerned.

"Something always seems to intrude... Memories..." His voice drifted. "She saw them..."

"Saw what?"

"The scars. She saw the scars on my back."

"And why is that so bad, Pacey? She knew that they were there."

"But she didn't, because knowing intellectually that they're there is different from physically seeing them. And I don't want her... I don't want her to pity me. I know... I know that she's sad for me, but that was the first time that I saw pity in her eyes."

"Pacey, having her pity you for the scars isn't bad," David said soothingly.

"What?" Pacey said doubtfully. "It _felt_ bad!"

"She pities you for something that was done _to_ you, not for something that you _are_. She loves you for who you are. She hurts for the pain you had to endure. That's all pity is. Pity is hurting for someone. It's not bad to have someone who hurts for you Pacey, because all it really says is that she cares about you."

"I guess," Pacey said, not sounding too sure.

"Well, I know," David said. "Besides, the pity that you see? It'll fade. But the love? The love will stay...and that's what's important."

Pacey smiled slightly and then nodded. "Okay, ya got me."

David smiled back at him, but his smile faltered as the conversation that he had had moments before Pacey came in came back to him.

"What is it?" Pacey asked, sensing that change in the atmosphere of the room immediately. "What happened now?"

"Your father called before you got here..."

"What happened? Did she get out? Is..."

David held up a hand. "Nothing like that, Pacey." He took a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this... But... They found Meg, Pacey."

"What?" Pacey exclaimed, sure that he hadn't heard right.

"Well, her parents actually. The case has never been solved..."

"Where...?"

"You were in Virginia at that point..." David said.

An almost pleased smile crossed Pacey's face and David blinked, thinking that he had imagined it. But when he opened his eyes again it was still there. "Virginia has the death penalty, doesn't it?" He asked, his voice almost emotionless.

"Uh... I believe that they do... But I'm not sure when the last time they carried out a death sentence was."

"Doesn't matter," Pacey said. "After what they did to her, no one will doubt that they deserve to die..."

David looked at Pacey uncertainly. This was a reaction that he had expected, but he wanted to be sure that Pacey prepared himself for the reality of the justice system...Not that he was all that sure what that reality was. "I believe that only the person that actually killed her can be sentenced to death..." He said, his voice unsure.

"Well, then Larry should start putting his affairs in order," Pacey said, not about to let go of the satisfaction of imagining Larry getting what he deserved.

"Larry Anderson?" David questioned uncertainly. "We still don't know where he is."

"What?" Pacey exclaimed, crashing back to reality with a thud.

"Larry hasn't been found yet," David said, looking at Pacey worriedly. "I thought your father..." He thought that Mr. Witter had told Pacey that Larry was still missing. He had thought that Pacey was dealing with it in his own way and that if he had needed to talk about it, he would bring it up. He didn't know why Mr. Witter hadn't told Pacey, but he did know, judging by his reaction, that it might have been a good idea to keep Pacey in the dark.

"He didn't tell me," Pacey said, his voice cold. "Nobody told me that they hadn't found..."

"Pacey..."

"Do you think that I could have slept knowing that he was still out there? Do you think... Do you think that I would have let anyone close to me, knowing that he could be out there, watching? Looking for my weakest spot? Finding the best way to hurt me?" Pacey laughed bitterly. "I thought I was safe! After all this time, I thought that I was really safe..."

"Pacey. You _are_ safe. No one's going to hurt you here."

"What about Joey? Is she safe? What about my parents? And Dawson? Jen? Are any of them really safe? When I was eleven, I thought that _I_ was safe... And look what happened to me then."

"Larry isn't going to come here!" David said, searching his mind desperately for a way to reassure Pacey. "Every police force in the state of Massachusetts in on the lookout for him... He'd have to have a death wish!"

"He does," Pacey said simply. "He has a wish to see me dead... And everyone I love with me."

"Pacey..."

Pacey interrupted, his eyes cold and filled with loathing. "He slit Meg's throat with a smile of pure happiness on his face, David. So it doesn't matter to me what you say! I won't believe that anyone is safe until he's dead or locked up somewhere."

"Pacey," David said again, his voice soothing. Pacey shook his head, not allowing himself to be soothed.

"He's pure evil, David," he said flatly. "Unpredictable, unfaltering... And he truly enjoys hurting people. So you tell me what he's likely to do."

JAILHOUSE

Mama Sal looked up as her visitor entered the room. An ugly smile spread slowly across her face. He sat down across from her and picked up the phone. "Larry," Mama Sal said softly.

"Mama," Larry said, looking at her sadly. He hated seeing her here, trapped behind bars. She deserved to be free. His eyes narrowed. The boy would pay for this. "What do you want me to do?"

"Hurt him," Mama said softly, knowing that he would do anything she asked of him. "Kill him."

"All in good time," Larry said, his dark eyes glittering with madness and hatred. "First he must suffer for the pain he has brought you."

Mama Sal smiled fondly at her eldest son...Her favorite child. "What do you have in mind?"

"Did you know that your Sonny boy has fallen in love?" Larry said with a grin.

"Really?" Mama said. "How nice for him."

"How nice for us," Larry said.

"But he didn't tell us, silly boy... And after we fed him and clothed him..." She pouted slightly, shaking her head. "He must be punished for his arrogance...And for his betrayal of the family..." She smiled again. "Kill her... And then kill him."

Larry smiled, his eyes sparkling with pleasure. "That's one of the many reasons that I love you, Mama. You're always so supportive of my plans."

"Well, I want my boy to be happy, now don't I? Enjoy yourself Larry." She smiled even brighter. "Make it last."

"He will suffer, Mama. I promise you that... And so will she."

They looked up as a guard entered the room. "Time's up," he said, his voice monotonous. Larry put the phone down and got to his feet. He took one last look at his mother and smiled at her. She smiled back and then mouthed the words, 'No mercy.' He winked at her and then turned and followed the guard out of the room.

Larry stepped out of the Jailhouse and stopped at the top of the stairs. he pulled out his sunglasses and put them on, smiling as he looked out over the town around him. It was a beautiful day. He walked nonchalantly down the steps and disappeared into the crowd.

_Down in the depths of my fiery home  
The summons bell will chime  
Tempting you and all the earth  
to join our sinful kind  
There is a job to be done and I'm the one  
You people make me do it  
Now it is time for your fate and I won't hesitate  
to pull you down into this pit  
  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire  
  
With hell in my eyes and with death in my veins  
The end is closing in  
Feeding on the minds of man  
and from their souls within  
My disciples all shout to search out  
And they always shall obey  
Follow me now my child not the meek or the mild  
But do just as I say  
  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire  
  
Jump by your will or be taken by force  
I'll get you either way  
Trying to keep the hellfire lit  
I am stalking you as prey  
Living your life as me I am you you see  
So reach down grab my hand walk with me through the land  
Come home where you belong  
  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire  
So come on  
Jump in the Fire_


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Pacey walked out of David's office and out the front door. He stopped dead in his tracks, a small smile crossing his face, even as fear invaded his heart. She was sitting on the steps, her head bent in thought as she waited for Pacey to come out. He stood silently for a few moments, gazing down at the girl he had come to love so much. Even after he had run from her, she hadn't given up on him.

"Hey Jo," he said softly.

Joey turned and looked up at him, smiling softly. "Hi Pace."

_I don't know how I survived  
In this cold and empty world for all this time  
I only know that I'm alive  
Because you love me_

Pacey stepped forward and sat down next to Joey on the steps. "What's up?"

Joey sighed softly. "I'm sorry if..."

Pacey shook his head, smiling gently at her. "There's nothing that you need to apologize for Jo. I just... You were the first one to... to see those scars... I didn't know how to handle that... I didn't know how to handle the pity I saw..."

"I couldn't help it Pace... They were just so..." Tears filled her eyes. "They hurt you so badly..."

"I know," Pacey said, nodding slightly.

Joey leaned her head against Pacey's shoulder. "I don't pity you Pace... Not in the way you worry about... I just... It _hurt_ me to see what had happened to you."

"And that means so much to me, Jo. I..I can't even begin to tell you how much. Can we... just forget my momentary insanity?"

_When I recall what I've been through  
There's some things  
That I wish I didn't do  
Now I do the things I do  
Because you love me_

"Forgotten," Joey said, smiling brightly at him. She jumped to her feet and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. "C'mon!"

"Where are we going?" Pacey asked, following her willingly.

"Well, it just occurred to me that you had a birthday not too long ago..." Joey said.

"A couple of weeks before I came home," Pacey said, his brow ruffling in puzzlement. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I realized that I hadn't gotten you a birthday present yet," Joey said. "So I got you one."

Pacey laughed. "You didn't have to do that!"

_And now that you're in my life  
I'm so glad I'm alive  
'Cause you showed me the way  
And I know now how good it can be  
Because you love me_

"I wanted to," Joey said. "Besides, I think you're going to like this..."

"What did you get?" Pacey asked.

"And ruin the surprise?" Joey said, raising her eyebrows. "Not on your life!"

"C'mon!" Pacey said, tugging on her hand. "Just a hint?" He looked at her pleadingly.

"Usually those eyes would do me in," Joey said with a grin. "But not this time! I'm determined to resist! Now hurry up!"

Pacey laughed. "Nope, if you're not going to tell me, then I think I'll just take my time..."

"Move your ass Witter!" Joey said, yanking on his hand.

Pacey let out a hoot of laughter, but decided that it would be in his best interest to do what she said. "Yes, ma'am!"

_And now that you're in my life  
Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive  
'Cause you showed me the way  
And I know now how good it can be  
Because you love me_  
  
Joey rolled her eyes. "Don't ever call me that again, Pacey."

"Sorry," Pacey said with a smirk. "No more Ma'am's... Will you at least tell me where we're going?"

"My place," Joey said. "Now c'mon. I can't wait!"

Pacey laughed, but followed her willingly. "You're really not going to tell me?"

"Nope," Joey said, pulling him along at a jog. It wasn't long before they reached her house. Joey tugged gently on his hand, leading him up the steps to the porch where Bessie was sitting with a grin on her face.

"I see that you found him," she said.

"Yup," Joey said. "Where's his surprise?"

"Laundry room," Bessie said, still grinning.

Pacey opened his mouth to say something, but Joey yanked on his arm, pulling him towards the door. "Ok-ay," Pacey said, raising his eyebrows at Bessie. Bessie laughed.

_I believe in things unseen  
I believe in the message of a dream  
And I believe in what you are  
Because you love me_

Joey pulled Pacey up to the door of the laundry room and then dropped his hand. She pushed the door open and Pacey's eyebrows drew together in puzzlement when he heard the pattering of toenails against linoleum. A surprised smile spread across his face as a small black puppy wiggled into view. "You got me a dog?" Pacey asked in surprise.

"From the shelter," Joey said, smiling at the happy look on his face. "He's mostly black lab."

"My parents..." Pacey started as he crouched down and reached a hand out towards the puppy.

"I asked them before I went to pick him out. They thought that it was a great idea."

"Really?" Pacey said. He laughed as the puppy tottered over to his hand and began to lick it. He scooped the puppy up and cradled him in his arms. He continued to laugh as the puppy begin to nibble at his chin. "What's his name?"

"He doesn't have one yet," Joey said. "It's up to you." She grabbed his hand. "C'mon, let's go into the living room. We can think of one together."

_With all my heart and all my soul  
I'm loving you and I never will let go  
And every day I'll let it show  
Because you love me  
Because you love me_

Pacey followed her into the living room and they sat down on the couch. Pacey sat the puppy on his lap and looked down at him thoughtfully. "Any ideas?"

"I don't know," Joey said, also looking at the puppy. "You?"

"Nope..." Pacey said. He laughed slightly. "I know what Dawson would call him," he said with a grin.

Joey smiled back at Pacey and then looked at the puppy, tickling him under the chin. "You want to call him little Elliot?"

Pacey rolled his eyes. "I don't think so."

Joey laughed. "E.T.?"

Pacey shook his head. "Dawson would love that, but I'm not about to subject this poor puppy to a name like that ."

Joey laughed again. A wicked smile spread across her face. "I have a secret for you, but you have to promise that you'll never tell _anyone_, especially Dawson!"

"What?"

"Andie hates E.T."

Pacey snorted. "You're kidding!"

"Swear on Captain Jones' bones," Joey said, holding up her right hand.

A smile spread across Pacey's face. "That's it!"

"What's what?" Joey asked, confused.

"Captain Jones," Pacey said with a smile. A link to a happier time, untouched by everything he had seen and done. "That's what I'll call him. Captain Jones... CJ for short."  
  
Joey smiled, seeing in the name the same things that Pacey did. Happiness and innocence. Their childhood. "I like it."

Pacey was silent for a moment, just petting CJ. He looked up suddenly. "So Andie really doesn't like E.T.? And he doesn't know that?"

Joey laughed, shaking her head. "Dawson almost flipped his lid when he found out that her favorite movie was Dumbo. She figured he'd go into cardiac arrest if he found out that she hates E.T."  
  
Pacey laughed again. "So the policy towards Dawson is still, 'what he doesn't know, won't hurt us?'"

"Always," Joey said, joining him in laughter.

Bessie stuck her head into the room. "Jo, I'm going into town to pick up some things. Listen for the phone, okay? I'm taking Alexander with me."

"No problem," Joey said.

Bessie turned to Pacey. "What do you think of your present."

Pacey grinned. "One of the best I've ever gotten."

"Have you named him yet?" Bessie asked.

"CJ," Pacey said.

"For?"

"Captain Jones," Joey said, winking at Pacey.

"I don't get it," Bessie said, a puzzled expression on her face.

"It's a long story," Pacey said with a grin.

"Ah," Bessie said. "Maybe some other time then."

"Sure," Joey said. "We'll see you in a little while."

"Be good," Bessie said over her shoulder as she left the room.

Joey rolled her eyes. "Yes mother." Pacey laughed and Joey smiled sheepishly at him. "She's a tad overprotective."  
  
"When it comes to your safety, there's no such thing," Pacey said, smiling softly at her.

"Cheeseball," Joey said, but she smiled and leaned back against his shoulder, sighing in contentment. Pacey slipped an arm around her and looked down at the sleeping puppy in his lap. So this is what happiness was. He had forgotten.

"Thank you, Jo," He said seriously.

"For calling you a cheeseball?" Joey asked in confusion.

"No," Pacey said, his voice still serious. "For making me happy."

"Oh Pace," Joey said, tears burning in her eyes. "You make me happy too."

"I'm glad," Pacey said. He sighed in pleasure and settled into the couch, hugging her to him. That sat without speaking for a while, comfortable in the silence.

_Because you love me_

CAPESIDE POLICE STATION

"Hey Doug!"

Doug looked up as one of the other deputies hurried over to him. "Yeah, Hinkley?"

"This was just sent over from the prison," Hinkley said, holding out a manila envelope. "They wanted you and the Sheriff to take a look."  
  
"What is it?" Doug asked, taking the envelope.

"Some pictures of the guy that visited Sally Anderson in lockup this morning."

"What?" Doug exclaimed, quickly opening the envelope. He pulled out the pictures and looked at them carefully, his heart dropping in his chest. "Oh god." He turned and hurried to his father's office. He knocked on the door and then pushed it open without giving his father a chance to answer.

Sheriff Witter looked up in surprise as Doug burst into the room. "What's wrong?"

"They just sent these over from the prison. Sally Anderson's latest visitor. Look familiar?"

Sheriff Witter looked at the picture and his face went white. "Bill..." He started to say, then shook his head. "Not Billy. Larry?"

"It must be," Doug said. "And if he's in town..."

Sheriff Witter nodded, knowing as well as Doug did that if Larry had stuck his head out, he was going after Pacey, and soon. "Pacey had a session today. Joey was going to meet him there and take him to the B&B. Take Hinkley and get over there NOW! I'm going to inform the FBI and send out an APB on Larry, then I'll meet you there."

"On my way," Doug said. He turned and hurried out of the room. "Hinkley! You're with me. Potter B&B ten minutes ago! Move it!" He then turned and almost ran out of the stationhouse, Hinkley at his heels.

OUTSIDE

Larry watched for Bessie to leave the house before he approached. He knew that the B&B was closed for renovations for the week, and he had seen the sister's boyfriend leave not long before Pacey and Joey had returned to the B&B. Now that the sister and her kid were gone, the only ones left in the house were Pacey and his little girlfriend.

Larry smiled as he made his way quietly onto the porch. He peeked into the diningroom window, but saw nothing. He moved to the other end of the porch and looked into the livingroom. They were sitting on the couch, smiles on their faces, obviously happy. Larry felt rage rush through him. What right did they have to be so happy while his mother rotted away in jail?

He ground his teeth together and straightened. Well, they wouldn't be happy for long. He would see to that.

The door opened without problem. Stupid country folk. They didn't even think to lock the door. He stepped quietly into the entryway.

"Forget something Bess?" Joey asked coming out into the hall. She stopped dead when she saw Larry. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for an old friend," Larry said, smiling sweetly. "I was told that he was here."

Joey felt her skin crawl at his smile, and she wondered why. There was nothing outwardly frightening about the guy, he just gave off a bad vibe. "Who are you looking for?"

"Who is it Jo?" Pacey asked, entering the hall. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Larry, his face going white. His stomach flipped and he had to fight to keep from being sick. "No!" He whispered forcefully. "No!"

"Him," Larry said, answering Joey's question. "Hello Sonny-boy. Long time no see."

"Bastard!" Pacey spat, glaring at the man who still haunted his nightmares. Joey looked from Pacey to Larry in confusion, a sinking feeling in her stomach. It didn't take much to figure out what connection this guy had to Pacey... Or what he was doing there.

"Is that any way to treat the man who fed and clothed you for six years of your life?"

"Screw you, Larry," Pacey growled. "I don't owe you shit!"

"Now _that_ is a lie," Larry said, pulling a handgun from his pocket. "You owe me for my mother, and the time that you've stolen from her... And I'm going to make you pay...And pay dearly.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen: Dark As Night

"What's going on?" Hinkley asked as they hurried out of the police station. The ran to Doug's patrol car, which was parked at the curb. Doug waved Hinkley to the driver's side and headed for the passenger side.

"Larry Anderson's going after my brother," Doug said as he got into the car. Hinkley's eyes widened and he hurriedly got into the driver's seat. He started the car, flipping on the lights and siren and then looked at Doug. "Jay," Doug said. His eyes piercing. "I want you to drive like you would if it was your son that psycho was going after. You got that?"

"Got it," Hinkley said. He slammed the car into gear and pealed out into traffic.

Doug grabbed his cell phone and quickly dialed the B&B's number. He cursed when he was thrown against the door as Hinkley squealed around a corner. "C'mon! Pick up!" He muttered anxiously. He cursed again as the answering machine came on. They either weren't there to answer the phone or they couldn't. He didn't want to think about what either scenario could mean.

He turned to Hinkley again. "You've got to get me there Jay!"

"I'm working on it Doug!" Hinkley said through gritted teeth as he swerved around a car. "Shit!" He muttered, jerking the wheel back to the right, barely making it in time to avoid the truck that had been coming towards them. Doug was thrown to the side, his head contacting the window with a dull thump.

"Damnit!" Doug said, rubbing his head.

"Sorry," Hinkley muttered.

"Don't worry about it," Doug said. "Just drive." He picked up the phone again and hit redial. "C'mon Pace! Be there!" He was sick at the thought of Pacey having to face Larry again, especially without warning. "Hang in there Pace," he said softly. "This time, I'll protect you."

POTTER B&B

"Pacey," Joey gasped. "Pacey, who is he?"

"Mama's oldest son," Pacey said, not taking his eyes off of Larry's face. "He killed Meg."

"Oh," Joey said, her eyes widening in horror. She also knew that this was it. This was Pacey's worst fears coming true. Sally Anderson was striking back at him, even from behind bars.

"It's so nice to be remembered for your deeds," Larry said, smiling. "Meg was certainly a pretty girl, wasn't she Sonny boy? Too bad she let her heart rule her head and betrayed us. It was a shame that she had to be punished so…"

Pacey flinched, but let no other sign of his anger show on his face. The last thing that he wanted was to let Larry know that he was getting to him. His mind raced, looking for any avenue of escape. He couldn't think of anything. He looked at Joey. If there was only some way to save her, he wouldn't care what Larry did to him. It wasn't likely that Larry would give her up, but it was worth a chance. It was time to throw himself to the wolves. "Let her go Larry. I'll do anything you want me to, just let her go."

"That's sweet kid. Really," Larry said. "But see, I want to do something that'll hurt you… and hurt you badly. Now, the more you beg me to let her go, the more she'll seem to mean to you… and the more I'll hurt her. You get what I'm saying?"

Pacey looked at Joey, his eyes begging her to forgive him. He then turned his attention to Larry, his eyes flashing with anger. "You're one sick bastard, you know that Larry? I mean, you get your kicks out of hurting kids who can't fight back. You're pathetic."

Larry's eyes narrowed, but he smiled. "You forget yourself, Sonny. I know you far too well to fall for any of your stupid little tricks. You're trying to buy time. You know that the longer we stay here, the better your chances are. It's not gonna work." He grabbed Joey roughly by the arm. She whimpered softly as he jammed the gun into her side and Pacey paled. "So let's go."

Pacey put his hands up. "Just tell me where," he said softly.

"Thatta boy," Larry said with a smirk. "You go first." He nodded towards the door. "And we'll follow."

Pacey took a deep breath and walked slowly for the door, his heart dropping in his chest. It was like being thrown back a year. He was once again at the whim of the people who had stolen so many years for him… And this time he was dragging someone he loved down with him.

He opened the front door and walked out onto the porch. He could hear Joey and Larry following him. "Where do you want me to go?" He asked when he reached the steps.

"Down to the dock," Larry said.

Pacey looked over at the dock and a new fear raced through him. There was a motorboat there. How or when it had gotten there, he didn't know. The important thing was that it was there. Pacey knew that if they ended up on that boat, their chances of living dropped dramatically...

Pacey spun around when he heard Joey cry out in pain. He glared at Larry. "What did you do?"

"Just hurrying you along," Larry said, giving Joey's arm another twist. She didn't cry out this time, but Pacey could see the pain in her face. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears and Pacey felt an anger unlike anything that he had ever felt before. If only Larry didn't have that gun… Pacey stopped that thought before it went any further. Larry did have the gun and that put him in charge. "I'm going," Pacey said hurriedly. He walked down the steps and made his way towards the dock.

Larry laughed as he followed. "Who would've guessed that all it took to keep the little hellion in line was a pretty little thing like this." Joey bit her lip as Larry ran the barrel of the gun down her face. His hand on her arm made her skin crawl, but she was afraid to do or say anything that might make things worse than they already were. "You still haven't figured it out, have you Sonny boy?" Pacey turned to look at them and Joey could see the struggle on his face. Larry smiled, knowing that he was causing pain. "You'll never win. I know what you're thinking. You're trying to figure a way out of this … But there is no way out of this. You may have gotten your name back, but your soul's mine… And the only place you're going is hell."

Joey watched as Pacey's shoulder's slumped in defeat and she felt her heart break for him. She could see that Larry's words were throwing Pacey back into a time where he'd had no power… no control. She had to do something…

Joey took a deep breath and stopped short, driving her elbow into Larry's side. Larry let out a short gasp, but didn't loosen his grip on her arm. Pacey's eye's widened in horror as Larry turned to Joey with anger burning in his eyes. "No!" Pacey yelled as Larry raised the gun and brought it down hard on Joey's head, knocking her cold.

A scream of rage built from deep inside him as Joey slumped to the deck. He jumped forward without thought. Larry turned the gun toward Pacey, but he was too late. Pacey swiped at his arm, knocking it to the side and the gun flew out of his grasp. They watched as it skittered across the deck before slipping silently into the dark water.

"How about that?" Pacey said coldly. "You lost your gun."

"I can kill you just as easily without it," Larry said, his eyes narrowing in anger. Did this stupid boy actually think that he relied on a gun to kill people? That took all the fun out of it.

"Really?" Pacey said lightly. "How would you know? This is the first time you've come near me where there hasn't been a gun pointed at my back. Maybe I'll surprise you."

"Or maybe I'll slit your throat," Larry said with a grin, pulling his favorite knife out it's sheath. It glinted menacingly in the sun… and so did his eyes. He glanced down at Joey's still form and his grin took on an extra evil glint. "And then maybe I'll get to know your pretty little girlfriend very, very well before I slit hers."

Pacey's eyes narrowed. He wasn't going to let that happen. Not this time. "You're not going to touch her ever again Larry!"

Larry laughed. "You're not going to win this Sonny boy. You don't stand a chance."

That was all that Pacey could take. He was tired of listening to Larry. Tired of living in fear of the man. It was time to take his life back. He sprang forward and was on Larry before the older man even knew what was happening.

Larry stumbled backward, surprised by Pacey's total disregard for the knife in his hand… and by the force behind the fist that rammed into his chin. He quickly recovered from the surprise and shook off the punch, dropping into a fighter's stance. He circled Pacey meaningfully, moving the blade from side to side, waiting for his opponents next move. He didn't have long to wait.

Pacey rushed forward, again ignoring the deadly knife that Larry held. He ignored the pain as it sliced through his shirt into the flesh of his arm and landed a quick punch to Larry's abdomen and another to the back of Larry's neck as the man doubled over. Larry collapsed to the ground and lay there, gasping for breath.

Pacey had been right when he implied that Larry had no idea what he was truly capable of… Or what freedom from six years of hell could mean to a person. Pacey wasn't about to let him win again. He kicked the knife out of Larry's hand and then landed a well placed kick to his face.

Larry rolled over on his back and looked up at Pacey, a look of pain and disbelief on his face. The brat couldn't have brought him to the ground! It was impossible!

Pacey picked up the knife from where it had fallen and turned it over thoughtfully in his hands. He smiled softly, and began to speak, his voice cold with an emotion that was beyond explanation. "How does it feel to lay helpless at the feet of a man who has absolutely no pity for you, huh Larry? A man who would like nothing better then to kill you but cutting you apart, bit, by teeny, tiny bit? Is it a nice feeling?" Larry was silent as he looked up at Pacey, knowing, on some level, that he was about to die. "'Cause see, personally, I never liked it much. The hitting. The cutting. The kicking when I was already bruised and bloody on the floor, barely conscious… Here's something I betcha didn't realize, Larry. You wanna know why they say that you shouldn't hit a man when he's down?" Pacey crouched down next to Larry and ran the knife down the other man's arm, drawing blood. He stared at the cut for a moment, mesmerized by the bright red color of the blood… and by the pleasure it gave him to see Larry wince. _"It's cause they might get back up again."_

Pacey lifted the knife up and Larry closed his eyes, waiting for the blow to come. When it came, it wasn't in the way he expected. Pacey brought the knife down, but handle first on Larry's head, knocking him cold.

Pacey stood and looked down at the man who had haunted his life and his dreams for so long. "I may hate you, but there's no way in hell I'm going to jail for you." He turned and threw the knife into the bushes. As the sound of approaching sirens sounded in the distance he turned and walked to Joey's still form, feeling more free than he had in a long time. He knelt down beside her and gently brushed her hair out of her face. "Jo?" He said softly.

Joey moved slightly, a low moan coming from her throat. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Pacey. There was confusion in her eyes for a moment and then everything that had happened rushed back to her and she sat up straight, looking around frantically. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Larry lying a few feet away, unconscious but breathing. "What happened?" She asked softly, rubbing the back of her head.

"You decided to play hero," Pacey said, holding out his arms to her. She leaned into his embrace thankfully and he cradled her against his chest. "And I kicked some ass."

Joey smiled softly. "I knew that you wouldn't let him beat you Pacey. You're strong. So much stronger than him… so much stronger than her."

"I didn't think so," Pacey said softly. "I didn't think that there was any way that I could ever beat her…"

"But you can, just by knowing that she can't beat you. Knowing that she can't break you… And she _can't_ break you, Pacey! She tried for six years and she couldn't do it. She's not going to now."

_Make me a witness_

Take me out

Out of darkness

Out of doubt

I won't weigh you down with good intention

Won't make fire out of clay

Or other inventions

Pacey rested his cheek against Joey's hair and sighed. "She can't beat me," he said simply, and in saying it, accepted it as fact.

Pacey looked up as his brother's police car careened into Joey's driveway. They watched as Doug and Hinkley jumped from the car and raced towards them. "Pace?" Doug called, slowing to a walk as he got close enough to the scene to see that there was no present danger to his brother or Joey.

"I'm okay, Doug," Pacey said. "And don't worry. I didn't kill him… As much as I wanted to…"

Doug closed his eyes for a moment and sighed in relief. He might not have gotten there in time to save his brother… But Pacey had been able to save himself… and in many ways that was better. It happened the way that it needed to. "Hinkley?" Doug said.

"Got it," Hinkley said, pulling out his cuffs and approaching the still unconscious Larry. He handcuffed him, ignoring the injuries Pacey had inflicted. There was no way that he was going to let this guy get away… Especially not because of some well deserved cuts and bruises.

_Will we burn in heaven_

Like we do down here?

Will the change come while we're waiting?

Everyone is waiting…

Doug continued over to Pacey and Joey. "You two okay?"

"Joey has a massive bump on her head," Pacey said.

"And you're bleeding!" Joey said, noticing the knife wound on Pacey's arm.

"Just a scratch," Pacey said dismissively.

"A scratch that'll need stitches," Doug said, looking the wound over. "Hey Jay?"

"Yeah Doug?" Hinkley said.

"I need to take these two to the hospital. Will you be okay here alone? My Dad should be here soon with the cavalry."

"Sure," Hinkley said. "He's not going anywhere… And if he tries… well, I have plenty of bullets and he has plenty of limbs."

Doug allowed a small grin to creep across his face and then became serious again. "Tell Dad that they're all right, but we're going to the hospital to get them checked out and fixed up."

"No problem," Hinkley said.

"C'mon," Doug said, helping Pacey and Joey to their feet. "Let's get out of here."

Pacey put his arm around Joey, half supporting, half holding her. Together they turned and looked at Larry one more time. Then without another word they turned and followed Doug to the car.

_And when we're done soul searching_

And we carried the weight and died for the cause

Is misery made beautiful right before our eyes?

Will mercy be revealed, or blind us where we stand?

LATER THAT DAY

POLICE STATION

Pacey walked into the visitor's room and sat down in the chair that the officer had indicated. He took a deep breath and watched the door that she would come through. When it opened he waited for the look that he knew he would see. The same look that he had seen so many time. Surprise that he was still alive, still standing… Surprise that he had survived, body and spirit.

"Hello Mama," Pacey said softly, his voice betraying little.

"Where's Larry?" Mama asked warily.

Pacey laughed shortly. "It was a nice try, Mama. Really. But all it accomplished was getting Larry in a cell right down the hall from you… For the time being anyway."

"What does that mean?" Mama asked, an emotion that could almost be called fear entering her voice for the first time.

"He'll soon be on his way to Virginia," Pacey said. "To face the charges against him there… You know, for the murder of Megan Spaulding." Mama blanched. "That's right Mama," Pacey continued. "You should really be careful where you kill people. Virginia has the death penalty, you know. They haven't actually carried out an execution in a while, but I think when the jury hears what Larry did to Meg before he killed her, they'll be more than happy to send him to the gas chamber… or however it is that they kill people down there."

_Will we burn in heaven_

Like we do down here?

Will a change come while we're waiting?

Everyone is waiting…

"You'll pay for this, Sonny boy!" Mama snarled.

"You know what? You don't scare me anymore Ms. Anderson," Pacey said coldly. "Cause I know that no matter what you do, you're not going to beat me… Cause I'm not going to let you. You can hurt me. You can even kill me, but you won't beat me, because I WILL NOT let you destroy me! So save your meaningless threats, because I'm going to walk out of here and live my life no matter what you say. _You can't touch me anymore!_" Pacey turned and walked out of the visitor's room, ignoring her as she called after him.

"Get back here, Sonny boy! I'm not done talking to you yet! Sonny!" Mama stared at his retreating back in disbelief, unable to believe that he was walking away. She made one final attempt. "Pacey!"

Pacey paused for a moment, but didn't turn around. "Goodbye Mama," he said softly and walked out of the room.

Mama watched him go in shock, knowing that he was right. She wasn't going to beat him. She had spent six years trying to break him and she had never succeeded. He had held tightly to his identity. To his life. He was stronger than she had imagined. Stronger than she had ever been willing to admit.

__

Will we burn in heaven

Like we do down here?

Will a change come while we're waiting?


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen: Wash Away Those Years

It was harder than he had expected to walk out of the visitor's room. Not because he had anything more to say to Sally Anderson. That was over and he had meant every word that he had said to her. She hadn't beaten him and she never would… It was just… What now?

Knowing that she hadn't beaten him didn't take away the years of pain that he had endured at her hands. In reality, it didn't change much of anything… At least not about the past. Those years were still there… and so was the pain.

Pacey stood outside the door to the visitor's room, silent and still, his mind hundreds of miles away… He wished sometimes that _he_ could be hundreds of miles away… And alone. Sometimes he wanted nothing so much as he wanted to be alone.

That didn't change how he felt about his family, or his friends… Or Joey. It was just that sometimes everything was too much. Sometimes the love he felt for them hurt so much that all he wanted to do was get as far away from them as possible… Or hold onto them so tightly that nothing would ever again be able to separate him from them…

He didn't know which of those things scared him more… The need to get away, or the absolute dependence he had on them… On her…

"Pacey?" His mother asked, her voice full of worry.

Pacey looked up and managed to smile reassuringly at his mother. "I'm okay Mom."

"What did she say…?"

"Nothing that can hurt me anymore," Pacey said reassuringly. It wasn't quite a lie. Her words were meaningless now, though her actions still tore at his soul. "Where's Dad?"

"He's talking to the FBI," Beth said, looking at her son uncertainly. She could tell that there was something wrong, but she knew better than to push. "How's your arm?"

Pacey touched his bandaged arm absently. "Fine," he said vaguely. "Dougie?"

"He drove Joey home. She said to tell you that she and CJ will be waiting for you when you're ready."

Pacey nodded, his eyes unfocused, his expression blank. "Okay."

"Pacey…"

Pacey continued to stare straight ahead. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

Pacey nodded, his expression remaining blank. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"Pace…?"

This time Pacey could hear the fear in his mother's voice. He shook himself slightly and looked at her, smiling slightly. "I'm fine," he said, his voice steady. "Don't worry about me so much Mom. I'm a survivor."

"I know," Beth said, her smile bittersweet. "You're a Witter."

Pacey stood silently for a minute and then took a deep breath. "Look, I'm gonna go for a walk. Is that okay?"

"You want some company?" Beth asked hopefully.

"Umm, next time?" Pacey questioned uncertainly. "I just… There are some things that I need to work out in my head."

"Oh…" Beth said, fighting to hide the hurt in her voice. "Sure… Call if you're going to be too late."

"Okay," Pacey said softly. "Bye." He stood still for a moment and then turned abruptly and headed for the door.

"Pacey?" Beth called. Pacey stopped and turned to look at his mother questioningly. "I love you," she said. Her voice intense with emotion, conveying all of her love and worry in the only way that she could right now.

Pacey smiled, his eyes shining with warmth. "I love you too, Mom. Don't worry." He looked at her for a second more and then turned and walked out into the night.

DAVID'S APARTMENT

_She came calling_

One early morning

She showed her crown of thorns

She whispered softly

To tell a story

About how she had been wronged

As she lay lifeless

He stole her innocence

And this is how she carried on

Pacey banged insistently on David's door. "Dr. D! You in there?" He knocked a few more times for good measure.

"I'm coming, Pacey!" David yelled. "Hang on!" He threw open the door, his face barely registering any surprise at the sight of Pacey standing before him, stressed and out of control. "I thought you might be stopping by." He motioned for Pacey to come in and shut the door. He led him into the living room and they sat down.

"So you heard about Larry, then, huh?" Pacey said, looking at David uncertainly.

David nodded. "I was going to come down to the station, but I decided that confronting Sally Anderson was something that you had to do on your own. I told your parents to let you know that I was here if you needed me."

Pacey nodded.

"So, how did it go?" David asked.

Pacey shrugged. "I don't know. It felt good to confront her. To tell her that she couldn't beat me, no matter what she did to me… And to walk away from her… To walk away… Show her that she didn't break me."

"That sounds like a pretty good ending to me…"

Pacey shrugged again.

"What's wrong?"

_Well I guess she closed her eyes_

And just imagined everything's all right

But she could not hide her tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

They were sent to wash away those years

"It doesn't change anything!" Pacey said, the words bursting from him almost angrily. "All of that… it doesn't mean anything! It doesn't… It doesn't take away all those years. Nothing can take away those years!"

"You're right," David said gently. "There is nothing that can take away those years, but to say that the realization that Sally Anderson can't hurt you doesn't change anything… well, that's _not_ true. It changes a lot. You can't live in the past Pacey. You can't let those years destroy your future."

"It's just so hard," Pacey said softly.

"I know," David said. "Life is hard." Pacey was silent for a minute. David watched him for a minute puzzled by the look on his face. "What?"

"I just don't get it, Dr. D," Pacey said softly, his voice almost defeated.

"Get what?"

"The point. I don't get the point."

"Of?"

"All of this. The pain, the anger, the hatred, the sadness…even the love… Just… life. I don't get it."

_My anger's violent_

But still I'm silent

When tragedy strikes at home

I know this decadence

Is shared by millions

Remember you're not alone

Remember you're not alone

"I can't explain the meaning of life to you, Pacey."

Pacey laughed slightly. "I know. I mean, you're not the guru…"

"The guru?"

Pacey laughed again. "You know, the guy in those B.C. comics that sits on top of that really pointed mountain and dispenses advice to anyone willing to climb up and see him… Advice that, of course, only makes sense in retrospect…"

"Ah yes, the guru," David said, nodding his head. "No, I'm not the guru, Pacey. All I can tell you is that you're thinking way too much. There's no mystery there. All you really need to realize is that that point of life… is to live."

Pacey was silent for a moment. He stared at David seriously, a thoughtful look in his eyes. "The point of life… is to live?" He repeated. David nodded. Pacey looked at him silently for a while longer, nodding slightly, his face still thoughtful. All of a sudden, he burst out laughing, unable to keep a straight face any longer. "That has got to be the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! Do they teach you these things at shrink school?"

David shook his head with bemusement. "You give a guy good advice…" Pacey looked at him doubtfully. "Just think about it, Pacey."

"I'll think about it," Pacey said. "But I want to go on record as saying that you're insane."

"Works for me," David said. They were silent for a minute. "How's Joey?"

Pacey took a deep breath. "Okay. He hurt her… but she's okay. Dougie took her home…"

"You haven't gone to see her yet?"

"I'm completely messed up, Dr. D. I… I just don't know what to say to her. A psychopath attacked her because of me. How can I…"

"Joey won't blame you Pacey. Nobody will. You didn't make Larry into what he is. And you didn't do anything to put yourself into the situation you found yourself in. It's not your fault. No one blames you."

"Sometimes I know that… Sometimes… Sometimes I even _believe_ it."

"You know what I think? I think that Joey will help you a lot more than I can right now. She's the one you want to see. She's the one you need to see… So go see her, Pacey. There's no one left out there that's going to come after you. Larry and Sally are both behind bars. Go live your life."

Pacey laughed slightly. "Finally the shrink comes through with some good advice," Pacey quipped. "I knew you had it in you somewhere!"

"Funny," David said, but he smiled. "Call me if you need to."

"Will do," Pacey said, getting to his feet. "Thanks Dr. D."

"Anytime Pacey," David said, getting up and walking Pacey to the door. He opened it and Pacey walked out. "Tell Joey I said hi."

Pacey grinned. "I will. Bye Doc."

"Bye Pacey." He watched as Pacey left, smiling softly. They had come leaps and bounds since that first day in the hospital. It was far from over, but he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. He knew that Pacey was going to come out of this on top. He was going to make it.

_Well if you just close your eyes_

And just imagine everything's all right

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

POTTER B&B

Pacey walked around the corner of the B&B and stopped next to the porch. He watched as Joey ran across the grass with the puppy loping along after her. He vaguely registered the distant sound of thunder as a small smile spread across his face. She really was beautiful…

He walked forward slowly and Joey slowed to a walk as she caught sight of him. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he said uncertainly. "How…" He stopped and looked down at his hands, suddenly worried that she would blame him for what had happened despite David's reassuring words. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Joey said reassuringly. "Just a little bump… I barely feel it…" She paused, looking at him carefully. "Are you okay?"

Pacey looked up and Joey stepped forward in concern at the tears shining in his eyes. "Not so much," Pacey said softly. "No, not really."

_Well if you just close your eyes_

And just imagine everything's all right

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

They were sent to wash away those years

Maybe we can wash away those years

"Pace…" Joey started putting her hand on his arm.

"And it's not anything that happened with Mama Sal," Pacey said, anticipating her question. "She can't do anything to me now… I know that… Even she knows that… It's just…" He stopped, his voice choking off.

"Let's sit," Joey said, taking his hand and leading him to the bench that sat in the yard. "Do you… Do you want me to call somebody. Dr. D?"

Pacey laughed slightly. "I just went to see him… I'm being stupid…"

"No!" Joey said insistently. "What's going on?"

"It's just… I saw you… and it's just… He hurt you, and…"

"And he hurt you," Joey said, understanding shining in her eyes. "But not just today… Pace, you have to stop holding it in. You just have to let it go. Really let it go. It's over. He's never going to hurt anyone again."

_For we have crossed many oceans_

And we labor in between

In life, there are many oceans

And I hope I find the mean

"I don't know how…" Pacey said, his voice choking off. He placed his hands over his face and took a deep breath, fighting the tears.

"Just stop," Joey said gently. "Stop fighting it."

Pacey slowly lowered his hands and looked at Joey silently for a moment, many different emotions warring on his face. Finally his expression crumpled, a sound of pure pain breaking from him…and he let the tears come.

Joey put her arms around him and pulled him close to her. "It's going to be okay, Pace," She whispered reassuringly. "You're going to be all right. I'm going to be all right. _We're_ going to be all right. All you have to do is believe it."

_Well if you just close your eyes_

And just imagine everything's all right

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

"How do I do that?" Pacey murmured. "How can I… I don't know how to believe that…"

"I don't know, Pace," Joey said softly. "I wish I could help you to believe, but... I just… I know that I believe it. It's not always going to define you, you know. Those years? Eventually they'll fade."

"Fade?" Pacey said doubtfully.

"They'll just wash away, Pace. They'll fade away."

As if to emphasize her point, the wind blew the first drops of rain into their faces. They both looked up at the sky. "Looks like we're in for a storm," Pacey said, his voice almost detached.

"Spring cleaning," Joey said simply. Pacey looked back at her and smiled softly. "C'mon. I'll race you to the house."

_Well if you just close your eyes_

And just imagine everything's all right

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

Maybe we can wash away those years

I hope that you can wash away those years

"I don't think so," Pacey said, getting to his feet. He helped her to her feet and swung her into his arms. "After all, you have a head injury."

"And you have 15 stitches in your arm," Joey exclaimed, hitting him on the chest. "Put me down!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Miss. Potter!" Pacey exclaimed jokingly as he started carrying her towards the house. "Hitting an injured man!"

Joey rolled her eyes. "Fine, but I'm not explaining to your parents how you ripped open your stitches!"

"You're a lightweight Potter. You're not even straining them!"

Joey shook her head, but she had to laugh. "You're forgetting your dog."

Pacey laughed. "No worries. CJ knows which side his bread is buttered on. If you'd look over my shoulder you'd see him nipping at my heels." Joey looked and sure enough the puppy was bounding happily after them. He had a little trouble with the stairs, but he was right behind them when Pacey opened the door and carried Joey into the house.

"Which side his bread is buttered on?" Joey asked, fighting back a smile.

"You don't like my analogy?" Pacey asked, feigning hurt.

"Oh no!" Joey exclaimed with a wink. "It's a great analogy! Really!"

"You know, for a concussion victim, you're an awful smart aleck, Potter!"

Joey laughed. "Yes I am. Now put me down!"

"As you wish," Pacey said. He lowered he slowly to the ground, her body brushing lightly against his. As her feet touched the ground, their eyes met and the laughter of the moment before was forgotten. Pacey raised a hand and touched her face gently. He ran his fingers down her cheek before tracing her lips.

"Pace…" Joey said softly, leaning towards him.

"MmHmm?" Pacey murmured.

"Nothing," she said, pressing closer to him. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "Just kiss me."

Pacey hesitated for a moment, looking into her eyes uncertainly. It was almost as if he was fighting a battle in his mind… A battle between the pain and distrust of his past and the hope and trust that would give him a future.

And then he kissed her, giving all of himself… his complete trust, to her.

Joey sighed softly as his lips met hers, accepting what he offered and giving of herself, her own trust, in return. This was what it was all about. This is what she had been waiting for all her life. She parted her lips as Pacey deepened the kiss, warmth spreading through her.

"Jo," he whispered softly, his voice holding so much emotion that it almost hurt Joey to hear it. She leaned back and looked into his eyes and saw what she was feeling reflected there. She saw the love, the trust… the need and she knew what she wanted. What he wanted. She took his hand wordlessly and pulled him towards her room.

Pacey resisted slightly, knowing what she was thinking. "But, Bessie? Bodie?" He whispered uncertainly.

"They went to spend the night with Bodie's Mom," Joey said, her voice hushed.

"She left you alone after what happened today?" Pacey asked, surprised.

Joey shrugged. "Well, technically I'm staying with Dawson, but I wanted to be here in case you came to see me…"

"But still…" Pacey said uncertainly.

Joey stopped and looked at him, her gaze understanding. "I know what I want Pacey, but I don't want more than you're ready for… or more than I'm ready for…" Pacey gazed at her silently, his gaze thoughtful. "What do you want, Pacey?"

Pacey looked down and closed his eyes. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. "I just… I want to be close to you." He looked up, his eyes meeting hers. The force of his gaze sent a shiver of anticipation through Joey. "I want to lose myself in you."

Joey smiled softly. "Then come," she said, squeezing his hand.

Pacey smiled at her and stepped forward. Together they entered her room, closing the door behind them. Closing the door on the past.


	20. Epilogue

Okay all, since this site doesn't seem to want me to post a link to PoTL and since I don't have everyone's email I have decided to just post the sequel here. It's under the rating M because the subject material is even darker than Bent and the language is more harsh in places.

That said, I really hope that everyone finds it okay! Thanks for reading and replying all! I'm glad that you've enjoyed it! Sorry that I haven't replied individually yet, but my IE suddenly decided that I couldn't add a new story to FFNET so I spent the last four or so hours doing virus scans and spyware removals before finally downloading Netscape, which apparently has no problem with me starting a new story. (Thank you Netscape!) Anyway, if you reply to If You're Gone, I will reply individually when posting Chapter One. Honestly, I'm just too tired right now. Thank you again for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Snowie

Epilogue: Silence

Give me release

Witness me

I am outside

Give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up

When the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower

Until she cries no more

Possessing all the beauty

Hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up

When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave

I am sinking

In this silence

In this white wave

In this silence

I believe

I can't help this longing

Comfort me

I can't hold it all in

If you won't let me

Heaven holds a sense a wonder

And I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up

When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave

I am sinking

In this silence

In this white wave

In this silence

I believe

I have seen you

In this white wave

You are silent

You are breathing

In this white wave

I am free

He was gone. She knew that the instant that she woke. Even after the time they had just spent together, a shot of fear went straight to her heart. She sat up and looked around the room. "Pace?" The room was empty. She got out of bed and pulled on the first article of clothing that she came to, which happened to be Pacey's shirt. She then pulled on her jeans and hurried out into the living room. She checked the first floor of the B&B quickly. He wasn't there.

"Damnit!" She exclaimed. Where had he gone? She ran to the front door and threw it open.

He was kneeling on the lawn, his head bent, as the rain fell on him in torrents. He was wearing his jeans, but his feet were bare. He looked so alone… One of Joey's hands flew to her mouth. What had happened? What had brought him to this?

"Pace?" She asked uncertainly, approaching his crouched figure with fear in her heart. She wasn't prepared for what she saw when he raised his head.

Pacey looked up at her, a smile of pure joy on his face.

"Pacey?" She questioned again, her eyes wide with shock.

Pacey laughed, a sound of pure delight and freedom. He stood up and spun around in place his arms open wide, his face open to the torrent of rain that had long since drenched him. "I get it," he said simply. "After all this time, I really get it."

Joey couldn't help but laugh with him. "Get what?" she asked, still having no idea what they were talking about.

"Life," Pacey said, taking her hands and holding them tightly in his. "I finally get it."

"What about it?" Joey asked uncertainly.

"What it all means… What the point is… I get it."

"Let me get this straight," Joey said slowly. "You've figured out the meaning of life?" Pacey nodded. "Then by all means share."

"This…" Pacey said.

"This?" Joey asked, confused. "You mean the rain?"

Pacey laughed. "The rain. You. Me. Us. All of this. Just… Life. That's all it is, Jo. The point of life, is to live. I get it."

"That's it?" Joey said doubtfully.

"That's it?" Pacey repeated, mimicking her tone. "That's everything Jo. You have no idea… I was to busy trying to figure out what life was all about that I stopped just living it. Tonight… tonight, I just let everything be. Tonight, I just lived… And that's all that life is. That's all that anyone can do. I didn't know that. I stopped believing in life a long time ago. You gave that back to me. You gave _life _back to me."

"Pace…" Joey said breathlessly.

"I love you, Joey Potter. Thank you for making me part of your life."

"I love you too Pacey," Joey said. She stepped forward and Pacey enveloped her in his arms. He kissed her gently on the top of the head, holding her tight. They remained that way for a long time, mindless of the rain that fell on them, knowing only that they were together… and that they always would be. And in the end, that was all that mattered.

_If I fall along the way  
pick me up and dust me off.  
and if I get too tired to make it  
be my breath so I can walk_

_If I need some other love  
give me more than I can stand  
and when my smile gets old and faded  
wait around I'll smile again_

_ shouldn't be so complicated  
just hold me and then  
just hold me again_

_can you help me I'm bent  
I'm so scared that I'll never  
get put back together  
you're breaking me in  
and this is how we will end  
with you and me bent_

_ If I couldn't sleep could you sleep  
could you paint me better off  
could you sympathize with my needs  
I know you think I need a lot_

_I started out clean but I'm jaded  
just phoning it in  
just breaking the skin_

_ start bending me  
It's never enough  
I feel all your pieces  
start bending me  
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in_

_ shouldn't be so complicated  
just touch me and then  
just touch me again_

****

The End


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